Insensitive HB...

[jenbird]

A bit of background:
I am 21 weeks with #4. I put more weight on at the start of this pregnancy than with the others as I felt so ill and could only eat certain things (lots of stodge really). I also haven't been able to exercise that much due to tiredness so am generally feeling pretty crappy about myself at the moment. I am pretty sure my HB knows this. I had bulimia for a very long time up until 6 years ago and although I am over this I am very conscious of my body and I hate feeling like I have no control over it.

At dinner tonight I had a second helping of oven chips (btw we rarely eat chips and have a pretty healthy home cooked diet). I noticed that my husband tutted. He then proceeded to sneer or sigh at least 4 more times when I picked at the ends of the children's dinner (a few chips and some yorkshire pudding). This finished with him saying "have you finally finished then" with a sneer on his face when I stacked the plates. I was aware of his attitude from the start but I had had a small portion to start with and had not eaten since lunch and was starving. I am also perfectly capable of regulating what I eat.

I obviously took his attitude very badly. I feel like he was having an underhand dig about the weight I have put on. He says that he wasn't just that he thought I wanted to eat less (why not just say that then). He says he knows he was in the wrong but that I need to get over it which is what I say if I feel I have done something wrong. This is true but generally if I do something that hurts his feelings it is not intentional it is just misguided. However I just can't think of how he could ever think anything positive would come of being like that.

I am hurt and I am cross still but is it just my hormones? I know I am grumpy but I want him to make it up to me without being told to do so. Am I being unreasonable?

Sorry for long post x

Perhaps he wanted the chips/Yorkshires left over for himself only joking x

What would you have normally said to him, if he had made a comment like that? I mean in a non preg, not hormonal, not recently gained weight and feeling touchy about it situation, would you have told him to 'get stuffed' with a smile on your face?

Don't feel crap about yourself. I have no experience of eating disorders but I am a control freak and I understand what you're saying about worrying about having no control, I have put on a normal amount of weight this pregnancy but had lost 3 stone in the couple of years leading up to falling pregnant, so to be getting bigger is a swing in the other direction for me.

Unless he makes this kind of comment at most mealtimes, I would move on and not give it much more thought. He probably won't.

Hi,

My husband says things like this - I swear he drives me up the wall. I would say "that comment hurt me - please don't say it again and how are you going to make it up to me?!" For me - making it up to me can be something daft like making me dinner (which he should do every now and again anyway) or buying me a small bar of chocolate.

From my experience, men don't recognise they need to make it up to you unless you tell them that bluntly. Once he has done a small nice thing, I find it easier to just let go...

:-)

jen I understand where you are coming from, I've had hyperemesis and lost over a stone in my early pregnancy. I wasnt huge to begin with at 10 and a half stone, but its certainly made a difference to my structure. My husband made a small glib comment about really noticing the difference when he puts his hands around me, and in the instant female hormonal response, 'Was I really that fat to begin with?' (I have a history of anorexia). What's he supposed to say to that lol!! But our brains and responses are wired differently to men. He gave me a hug and said he didnt mean it in that way. I forgave him immediately (not that there really was anything to forgive for if i'm honest).

I like what signing girl said, just tell him that it hurt you and that you need him to make it up to you ... Not unreasonable and would definitely help you feel better. Men really do need to be told things bluntly. Good luck!