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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

HELP! Explaining the new baby to inquisitive 4 year old!

16 replies

Fletch1 · 05/07/2012 16:39

Hi
I'm 14 + 2 with 2nd baby. We just told our 4 year old daughter last week that mummy is going to have a baby and she is VERY excited.
However, she is very inquisitive and very intelligent for her age and has started asking questions already.
How does the baby get out? DH tried to tell her it was magic and she laughed and told him not to be silly.
She is no longer happy with 'Mummy will go to the hospital and the Dr will take the baby out' - she wants to know how the Dr will take the baby out :(

Anyway, my question is, what should we tell her? Should I be honest? Can anyone recommend any books we could read with her (all the ones I've seen so far are very baby-ish)?

I don't want to scare her by telling her the truth but I don't really want to lie to her either.

Also, should we take her with us to the 20 week scan? My DH is quite keen but I'm a bit concerned, what if there is something wrong? Am I worrying too much?

Advice from other 2nd (or 3rd or 4th etc) mums would be much appreciated :)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 05/07/2012 17:20

A lot of hospitals won't let you take children to scans I don't think - but tbh I'd just be honest with her. "Magic" is a bit wishy washy!

FireOverBabylon · 05/07/2012 17:26

I'd just try to be straight forward and as uncomplicated as possible - ladies have 3 holes between their legs (whatever your name is for her genitals) one to wee from, one to poo from one one between them where the baby will come out. She doesn't need to know more than that for now.

You could read this book with her as it's more about you being pregnant and getting baby out than more general birds and bees.

Chunkychicken · 05/07/2012 17:30

My hospital has a policy of barring children from the initial part of the anomaly scan, so the sonographer can concentrate & check everything, then they permit children/siblings in at the end. You would need a minder for her outside the scan room, but it might be a good opportunity for her to see her sibling.

There are some books around - there's a house in mummy's tummy might be too young for her, but you might find something on amazon.

Minstrelsaremarvellous · 05/07/2012 17:32

I agree with Fire - my 4yr old totally accepted the 3 hole explanation. Would suggest not taking her to 20wk scan, we had an issue which left us wobbly (all ok eventually) but it could have been tricky if DD1 had been there.

AThingInYourLife · 05/07/2012 17:34

DD3 is 6 days old and DD1 is 4, so we've just been through this.

I just explained what was happening in ways she could understand.

She was very taken with the idea of the baby floating around in a big bag if water :o

I was having an ELCS, so I explained that the baby would come out in an operation. A VB would be easier to explain, I would have thought.

I took DD1 to a couple of the later scans. I would have worried about bringing her for the anomaly scan TBH. Apart from anything else, it's a bit long for a 4 year old's attention span. Also, IME at that age they can't really see a "baby".

A good way through the pregnancy I realised she didn't think Daddy had anything to do with the process, so I had to explain his role (seeds, etc.) :o

4 year olds are smart - let her in on it. She'll really get a lot out of it :)

Congratulations and all the best for your pregnancy :)

Indith · 05/07/2012 17:39

I showed my dcs who are 5 and 3 the normal, factual baby book I had form my first pregnancy. We didn't sit and read it all but we looked at the pictures and they were totally fine with how it all happened. Ds (the 5 year old) in particular loved looking at the pictures of a growing foetus and how he became more and more like a proper baby (he liked to ask which stage our baby was at), birth pictures just presented as fact are accpeted as totally normal. This is the placenta, the cord, the baby comes out here and so on. By the time ds2 was born ds1 knew all about how he lived in my tummy and how he got his food etc. He was a home birth and ds1 came down in the morning to find me on the sofa waiting for the placenta with ds2 still attached to the cord, he was unruffled and even got a guided tour of the placenta from an enthusiastic MW when it arrived .

My dcs came with us to the scan. The 5 year old sat quietly, the 3 year old bounced everywhere, it was hilarious .

melrose · 05/07/2012 17:43

My DS2 was almost 4 when dd was born. Told him that the baby came out of a hole in Mummy and that the hole stretched so the baby came out. He was happy with that although I declined to let him hae a looK! DS1 was 7 and has a fair idea of how the baby got in and out!

Personally I think honesty is always the best policy

Houes inside my Mummy is a fab book

R2PeePoo · 05/07/2012 18:12

DD was four when her brother was born and we showed her the nicer pictures from my baby book and bought her 'Whats inside your tummy, mummy' by Abby Cocovini, which is very good for dealing with pregnancy.

DS was a homebirth so I had a look on YouTube for birth videos that weren't gory or frightening or too scary and watched them with DD as there was a chance she would wander down into the middle of it/ be frightened by the noises I was making. She was absolutely fascinated by the fact that one minute the mummy had a bump and then there was a baby. That was three years ago and she is showing no signs of having been scarred by the experience.

Midgetm · 06/07/2012 09:03

I am also pregnant with DC2. Agree about not taking them to 20 week scan. I wanted to protect dd (4) from any upset so didn't tell her till I knew everything is ok and to stop her constantly asking when it's coming out

She asked how it cane out and I also just told her straight. There is a hole, it stretches and if the baby struggled the dr will make a hole.

I just took her to 24 week growth scan but don't think she was that impressed by it really but nice to involve her more now she knows. They ask a lot of questions at 4, I just answer honestly but skip the detail. I also show her pregnancy centre videos of what the baby looks like at different stages in the pregnancy. She loves them. Telling her was still the most enjoyable thing I've ever done. Such a lovely magical moment less magical now she knows it's a boy as she thinks boys smell

ballroomblitz · 06/07/2012 10:45

My ds is 4 and has always been aware of the cs scar on my tummy and how I got it when he was born so he automatically thought with no explanation I'll go into hospital, the doctor will open up my tummy and the baby comes out (and if it all goes to plan that's what will happen) .

However best laid plans and all that I have explained to him that there is also a special hole babies can come from. He has seen some of the birth scenes on OBEM (but not the labour bit as I think it might be a bit much for him) so knows babies come from between a women's legs. It didn't scare him and he was quite fascinated by it all.

Only thing he asked me is he didn't want me to cry after having the baby as he'd seen it on the tv and obviously he associates crying with bad emotions. I had to explain that sometimes people cry when they're really, really happy and we cried after having him.

Meringue33 · 06/07/2012 13:04

I was four when my sister was born and had been well briefed in advance on the facts of life by my hippy ish parents. (The "Body Book" comes to mind, tho that may have been later). Apparently I announced to a visitor that "Daddy is trying to fertilise mummy".

vicky228 · 06/07/2012 13:08

I just told my 3yr old that babies come out of your fanny unless they need a doctor to help them out in which case the doctor opens up your tummy. She was happy with this explanation although a little surprised that a baby could squeeze out such a small hole. "Yes darling, that's why it hurts!". I was very open that it is generally a very painful experience too but that it's worth it to get a new baby.

She also knows that daddy plants the seed in mummy's tummy for the baby to grow from, but I haven't told her how he does this. Seemed a step too far (even though she is now 6 and I'm expecting another) and I didn't really want her talking about it at school in case misconstrued.

Original poster

Fletch1 · 06/07/2012 16:25

Thanks everyone!
I think you have all backed up my arguement not to take her along to the 20 week scan.

I think I will definitely go with the honest approach next time she asks, and will start showing her my week-by-week pregnancy book now that I have it back.

Thanks again ladies :)

OP posts:

tazmo · 06/07/2012 21:22

Hi I am having a c section in 2 weeks and I told ds (nearly 4) was taking the baby out my tummy. He then said he wanted to come along to see the baby coming out my tummy. He was so upset when I said he couldn't and he told me Rebecca rabbit on peppa pig was able to watch his mum having the baby rabbit. Makes you smile but I felt so sorry for him he was so upset. Then of course, the ultimate question - how did the baby get there in the first place. Told him it was because mummy and daddy kissed and he has been telling EVERYONE!!!!

Badgerina · 06/07/2012 22:49

Please don't tell her the doctor will take the baby out! She's a little girl and will be a woman one day, having children of her own. Why not just use simple language and tell her the truth?

monkeysmama · 07/07/2012 18:02

My 4yo has been to most of my antenatal visits and came to the 20week scan and loved it. We answer her questions honestly but don't overload her with information she can't understand or that might scare her. She asked how the baby got in my tummy and I told her daddy and me love each other and our bodies worked together to put it in my tummy.

I'm due next week and she knows it might hurt me a bit (I need her not to be scared of any shouting etc when I go into labour) but that I'll push baby out. She loves the story of her birth so it's not something frightening for her.

The best book we have is "What's inside your tummy mummy?" - its a starting point to chat about the baby rather than answering all their questions but the drawings of the actual size the baby is at each stage are great. My dd loves it and it's helped me explain why I can't do some things atm.

Good luck. Happy times

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