1st timer. Wish people would stop telling me....

[Doodlekitty]

How rubbish later pregnancy and having a young baby is. It's all I hear from mates who have children and older relatives. Reminds me of when I was in teacher training, every teacher I ever met told me not to go into teaching.

I'm currently 23weeks. Have a bit of a bump, baby kicking has just started waking me up through the night. Started a new job with longer hours than m last and much later finishes than I am used to. Struggling to get used to new working patterns, squeezing in some housework (luckily I have an amazing hubby who really pulls his weight) and less sleep than usual. This is the most pregnant I have ever been, I'm aware I'm going to get bigger, I'm aware it's going to be hard, I'm not stupid.
So why, why why why why do mothers insist on telling me how crap I'll feel in x weeks time? How bad it is once you get huge. How little sleep you get later on. Why do they laugh at me when THEY ask how I'm feeling an my response is not 100% positive, and then dive on whatever I have said and tell me how much worse it will be soon.

It's really starting to get me down and make me doubt that I can even do this. And then it annoys me, how dare they think that they could cope but I wont be able to. And then it makes me wonder, how the shitting hell will I cope?

Sorry guys, just needed a moan after a rough weekend with mates with kids (all around 1) telling me how shit it all is

Everyone is different,i found all 3 of mine easy,especially the first i hardly felt pregnant.Also can depends on circumstance,i am having number 4 now and the age gap between 3 and 4 is slightly bigger at 2 and a half years,last time i was pregnant i had a 10 month old and a 23 month old when i was 9 months gone!

I'm nearly 30wks with my second child.

I had bad morning sickness first time round, a hideous birth and post-partum surgery for awful tearing. BUT I adored being pregnant, had no post-birth issues and ADORED having a newborn baby!

This time round, I've had a hard time. Hospitalised with hyperemesis which lasted until well into the 5th month and chronic SPD. It has been a very rough ride physically. BUT...I am utterly delighted to be pregnant and love my growing bump (even though my pelvis is shot!).

It would never occur to me to be anything other than optimistic about someone else's pregnancy though!

Pregnancy can be hard for some - yes.
Birth is invariably demanding, and in parts scary for most.
A new baby can be hardwork.

But for my money, it is nothing short of an absolute marvel...and once the hard work for labour is over, that little precious bundle absolutely does make it all worth while!!

Enjoy every second of your pregnancy that you can...cherish the little kicks!

the reason they do it is that they had it done to them!

it doesn't make it better, of course, but it does make them feel like one of the club.

I have avoided doing it so far, and have restricted myself to "I know... you must feel awful. would you like a cup of tea ans a chair?"

I'm 12 weeks with my first, and due to age/health/previous mc have just been trying to get through each day without falling apart. One friend in particular has been relaying tales of the awful things her 4 year old DS has done and then says gleefully "and you've got all of this coming to you". Have bitten my tongue and refrained from saying I won't have her piss-poor parenting skills and so no, I won't have all that coming to me (sense of humour failure, moi?)

Am visiting another friend with kids tonight and have prewarned her in a nice way not to come out with stuff like that as my temper is already a little frayed...

At some point though, I will have to tell my mother my news and I expect the horror stories will be even worse and she'll be reminding me how awful I was as a baby :)

My dd chose today to turn into a cuddle monster (especially when saying sorry). I love my kids to bits. It's not easy (like teaching!) but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
If they say it's hard then I'd take that as an offer of help!

I feel the same actually! I am 25 weeks pregnant but I have decided not to listen to anyone and take it day by day. Its hard enough to deal with the body changes and everything! Its my first child and I am a full time research student as well as doing some work on the side for living! I am not myself anymore and feel cornered. I am not going to be entitled for maternity pay therefore won't have more than 5 weeks leave! The last thing I need is someone saying negative stuff!

People tell you their experiences normally to bond. Fact is not everyone has it easy. Fact is if you tell people when you do find it easy they think you are a smug sod.

If I tell people my birth story I don't dress it up, I tell the facts. I wish I'd known how hard it could be. I was not prepared. However, it was all worth it and the baby bit was easy for me. Facts are, most people have a hard time at some stage. Be it late pregnancy, birth or post birth. Some may be lucky and it's all plain sailing but you have to expect hiccups or you will be dreadfully disappointed. It's all worth it though, and that's the thing to focus on.

Thanks again guys. I guess the big lesson is to remember this and not do the same to others once I'm in a situation to. It's nice to hear some silver lined stories. I think just hearing "It's hard but worth it" really helps.

I HATE those people. I also hate the people that are all 'oh I love being pregnant, isn't it so amazing, blah blah blah' . I guess I'll never be happy lol. Although in fairness, I'm overdue and pregnancy has been much easier than I thought. My sister is wonderful, she has 4 kids and I only listen to her and her birth stories since they were all straightforward... even her one csection and her one induction were both alright . Everybody else... I mean I just don't understand it.. they seem to take pleasure in telling you how bad it will be, how big their babies were and how long and painful labour was. It's just strange really!

Oh bless you. I remember that. Got it all from my work colleagues mostly. They were all very excited for me but it really for on my Rita. One friend in particular who would go on and on and on with 'advice' like she was the only woman in the world to have ever had a child!

It got to the point that I'd get so adamant that I was going to do/be the exact opposite of what she said. Just to poo-poo her advice. I am a rather stubborn cow sometimes!!

You do your own thing OP. This is YOUR pg. YOUR journey.

Big congrats and hope the rest of your pg goes well and you can stick two fingers up to them when DC arrives

For on my Rita?? Sorry...should have said 'got on my tits!'

People make inane comments about all sorts of subjects when making small talk.

It becomes more noticeable when noticeably PG as that gives a start point IYSWIM whereas before there would have been a greater range of subjects.

You may as well get used to it, on the general basis that putting up with some inanity is part of what happens when relative strangers talk to each other (depends of course on whether you think those sorts of casual exchanges are actually useful to building communities). And occasionally someone says something useful or interesting.

Ah don't listen to them. I had dreadful mid-backache at the end of my pregnancy with DD1 and I had the whole "I don't want to worry you... but if you think this is bad..." nonsense. The pain was so bad I wasn't really sleeping at all. Yes, of course having a newborn is like some terrible sleep deprivation experiment - but the backache had gone! And I could lie on my back! And I did actually get a couple of hours of sleep at a time! Everyone's different. It's quite ok to hate being pregnant.

I'm on DC1 and have felt the same at times; don't think people realise it can really knock your confidence giving (only) horror stories, even if they are just trying to prepare you.

Nice to hear more balanced views on MN as always :)

At a wedding my 6 month pg friend and I went to recently, the wife of a friend of our husbands was telling my pg friend in great agonising detail all the woes of first time motherhood, how she felt she had lost her identity and her life was over as she had made a terrible mistake, how awful bf was and she shouldn't try at all because it is so heartbreaking to try and fail, etc. It went on and on. I am also pg but not showing yet so neither of them knew. I thought "the hell with being told all that crap at a wedding!" She barely even knows us. TBH it felt like was an opportunity for her to unload, being dressed up as helpful advice.

Practice saying "that comment was not very helpful to me"

Oh and I felt so much better in myself once DS was born than I did when I was 10 weeks pregnant and commuting to work etc.

I haven't had too much of this I don't go out or speak to relative strangers much but I have had it second hand through my DH. I actually got rather with his collegues, because at one point they seemed to have really knocked DH's confidence and spoiled his good feelings about pregnancy and becoming a dad . Its taken us to getting closer (38+3) for him to allow himself to get excited again.

We tried for this baby for nearly 6 years. Of course we realise its going to be hard work (whole bunch of baby related chores that we don't currently need to do) but we are really looking forward to meeting our baby and overcoming those challenges. Other people not only manage to have babies, but actively choose to have several!

The classic is the faux concern 'How is your DW Spirited doing now?' 'Oh, she's doing fine' 'No problems?' 'Well she's now waking up in the night and finding it difficult to get back to sleep but both she and baby are fine.' 'Just you wait till the baby is here...'

Not only is the pregnancy insomnia not terrible (I am seeing it as training for night feeds) but I am at home, I can catch up on sleep during the day. I don't have any other plans for when our baby arrives, so I can be very flexible around his/her needs and sleep patterns. I realise not everybody can be (older children/work commitments etc) but I'm quite happy to drop any expectations of uninterrupted sleep and just work around the baby.

I understand that perhaps hearing how difficult other people find pregnancy and newborns means that those who find it difficult don't feel too isolated - particuarly if they slip into AND or PND. But people do seem to overdo it and actually make new parents anxious about the whole thing.

If people genuinely wanted to put people off becoming parents, it would be more effective to tell us all how awful its supposed to be before we get pregnant - there's not much we can do about it after is there?

I'm not really enjoying pregnancy but it's not terrible - however I feel pretty lucky that I have 2 good friends who've just given birth & are very positive so I listen to them and ignore the misery guts and negative nellies!

I am 30 weeks and one of the last of my friendship group to have a baby (lots now have two). I'm finding it relatively straightforward compared to how some of them found it BUT it is annoying having lots of patronising comments from them regardless! So DH and I have a secret plan: one day we will adopt a child a year older than any of theirs and bear down on all of them with "ooh their first day at secondary school will be like this and that....you just wait....wait til they do their GCSEs/A levels/go to university" etc etc to get them all back!

(clearly this is unlikely to actually happen but it does make us smile to dream of it...)

I have a 7 month year old and much preferred both later pregnancy and then having him by so much...early pregnancy is stressful cos you don't know it'll happen.

I don't know why people are so negative, people put themselves pregnancy because babies are LOVELY