anybody else have a history of anxiety / depression?

[PipJoy]

Wondering if anybody else has a history of anxiety and / or depression and is finding pregnancy tough from that regard.

I have had generalised anxiety disorder for many years, and some periods of associated depression, and have been very highly medicated for over a decade. Now of course am off my medication and am finding things very tough indeed. I am definitely having a small relapse, and I'm not sure how to label it (is it antenatal depression or just a relapse of the normal stuff?), I also feel horribly guilty, I'm worried this isnt giving my baby the right start, like I'm somehow letting it down. I am so looking forward to our baby arriving, I'm not depressed about that at all.

My problems very much centre around work and I started a previous thread about low motivation at work. At the time I thought I just couldnt be bothered, it's taken a week to cotton on to what is really happening here. No medication - no ability to work whatsoever, workplace paralysis basically, adding to the guilt and horror attached to each day.

I do have a psychiatrist who I need to go and see I know. But if there is anyone with similar experiences that would also help too.

I have had anxiety and panic attacks for 6 years and am pregnant with my 2nd. In my first pregnancy I managed to come off citalopram with no problems and my anxiety didn't come back until DD was 9 months, I am now pregnant again and in Sertraline, I have tried to come off but have been having panic attacks again so weighing up the options as it may be beneficial for me to stay on it this time round as i have been told stress can affect the baby. I dont feel I can look after myself and a toddler while I have anxiety as it stops me leaving the house!

I would suggest speaking to your GP about your options. I know how hard it is to function with anxiety disorders and am in the same boat.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through it too. It's pretty horrible isn't it. I had heard sertraline was an option during pregnancy, so might check that out with the pyschiatrist/GP, although will feel bad starting a new medication when pregnant - just seems counter-intuitive, but I think I need some help here.
I too have problems leaving the house, or getting my act together to do anything.
Was (stupidly/naively) hoping that pregnancy hormones would sort me out. turns out not the case!

I struggled with depersonalization disorder and depression when I was younger, and then had bad PND after DS was born 20 months ago. I am now approx. 10 weeks pregnant again and really struggling again. Like you, I was taking medications which I tried to come off of, but I just ended up in a really bad place. My GP referred me to the peri-natal psychiatric team, and I've started my meds again.

My situation's a bit complicated though, firstly cos I have severe spinal probs, so need to deal without a lot of meds that I usually take for that as they are not safe in pregnancy. Secondly, the peri-natal psychiatrist told me that they like to use the older SSRIs in pregnancy, simply because they've been around longer so more is known about them - so meds like fluoxetine, paroxetine, venlafaxine. However, I've always had awful, serious side-effects from them. I usually take a high dose of amitryptyline, as it helps with pain as well as depression.

As I couldn't cope without it, I've increased my dose back up to the lowest I can cope with. The psychiatrist saw that I just couldn't cope, and from my point of view I didn't think it was fair on DS to have an ill mum for the next 7 months. Will try to wean off it again later on, but baby may need special care to cope with withdrawal after it's born. (Although DS was 6 weeks early so there's a chance this one will be too).

Anyway, check with your GP if you have a peri-natal psychiatric team in your area - they seem much more knowledgeable about which meds are safer to take, and will arrange support for me after the birth as well. Where I am your midwife can also refer you to them, just give her a ring and explain your history and how you're feeling. My GP signed me off work for a month a couple of weeks ago as I was struggling a lot, and it's amazing the difference not having to worry about work has made too.

I really hope things improve for you soon.x

Yes me too :( I'm really de motivated at the moment . I've suffered on and off with depression since I was 18 was on fluoxetine but stopped when I found out baby 3 was on the way. Since leaving work a week ago I've felt dreadful. I jus sit and stare into space I can't b bothered to do anything . Even dragging the Hoover out takes the biggest effort and I'm so tired which I think is deff making it worse . I planned to have some quality time with my older 2 b4 baby arrives and I jus cannot motivate myself.

Thanks guys it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one but feel bad for you that things aren't easy. It's tough isn't it, although am fortunate I think that don't have medical problems as well as psychiatric, I should actually count my blessings I think and realise that other people have tough times too.
I actually came home at lunchtime, couldn't stay at work anymore. Don't know how I feel about that yet but mainly relieved I think, although also ashamed.
Do you ever wonder if you will ever be better? Do you worry about how it will affect the baby when you are pregnant?

Yep, I'm bipolar and was ok till a few weeks ago (about 25 weeks) then became quite low, now I'm all over the place. Not fun. Same as above I'm waiting to see perinatal shrink. I can't take mood stabilisers as not safe in preg and SSRI's create major hyper mania so I'm looking at finishing preg unmedicated then putting plan in place in case of PND. I'm lucky as I'm a teacher (although the stress of work has triggered last episode) so I'm only working for the next 2 1/2 weeks.
I always wonder if I'll ever be better. I was med free for a few months while conceiving and stable so assumed I was cured :) I worried about how my moods were effecting the baby until MH nurse told me that tons of women have really healthy babies in horrendously stressful situations. What I do worry about is passing it on to my little girl. I know my MH issues were caused by events in my life but I also know I have a predisposition to it. I hope I don't pass this on

Me too I suffer from anxiety, depression and severe OCD. Was diagnosed with severe OCD after the birth of dc2 which was 5 years ago, was nearly hospitalised, was awful. Have had depression since god knows when tho. First got pre natal depression when pregnant with my dd, who is now 11. Been on meds on and off since then. Mostly on them tho I am 24 weeks now with dc3 and am struggling with depression. It is a massive effort to do anything at all just now. My ds, 5 also has severe special needs and I am on my own now. No partner. I am currently on 20mg fluoxetine after being referred to the peri natal team about 6 weeks ago. Just really struggling just now xx

You are definitely not alone. Whilst I don't think my own situation is as severe as some on here (have suffered with depression and/or anxiety through various periods since I was a teenager, including issues with self-harm, and PND following the birth of DS1)

I haven't been on meds since DS1 was about 9 months old (now 5.5), although there have been periods when I've thought I should go back on them, I've just battled on. This pregnancy the anxiety has definitely reared its head again, partly due to work-related stress, partly due to anxiety over giving birth again (again, whilst not as traumatic by any means as some stories I've heard, DS1's delivery wasn't exactly a piece of cake) and the thought of PND again, and I've started having panic attacks.

One thing I've found this time around is that the help and support is so much better than after I had DS1. I remember struggling in a downward spiral for weeks until I plucked up the courage to go to the GP - a couple of weeks later, the HV finally got around to visiting and doing the questionnaire thingy, and came out with "you're a bit down aren't you" - by then I was back on meds thanks to the GP and referred for counselling.

This time, the midwife team have been brilliant, I've had contact details from booking in of the specialist ante-natal/post-natal mental health midwife at the hospital, and made contact with her a couple of weeks ago when the panic attacks started to get really out of control, and she was a huge help. I think what I'm trying to say is don't struggle along alone - the help cetainly seems to be there so much more now than even five/six years ago.

Like some others upthread, I always wonder if I'll ever be normal, and really hope that my children take more after their dad, who's altogether a much more practical, sensible soul than highly strung old me!

Hi - sorry to hear you aren't doing great. I have been on citalopram for several years and have managed to wean myself off once I found I was pregnant. It hadn't been the easiest but I feel ok and that I can manage things. A consultant came to speak to me at my booking in appointment and stressed that if I was to feel bad or that I couldn't cope there were safe options for me. I found this really reassuring and I would go back on meds if need be. It's probably better than having a mental mum!

Hi, I've suffered from depression and self-harm in the past, though haven't had any problems for some years now. It's always in the back of my mind - will the pregnancy trigger something. But my midwife knows my history and has been lovely. So far, so good, though my biggest worry, like others have said, is passing this on to my child. My depression was, I think, caused by a difficult home life, and I do worry I will fall in to the same traps as my parents did. Fingers crossed we will all be fine though.

Me too. I have suffered from anxiety and OCD my whole life, but have never talked to my GP about it as I was worried about being stigmatised and a pain condition not taken seriously. (I was scared off as a couple of docs said it might be psychosomatic before I was properly diagnosed, which really knocked my confidence) I'm now worried that midwife would do the same, but I did try to talk to her anyway. She really didn't get it: just suggested I did some relaxing things, as the alternative was to go to the GP and be given meds which wouldn't be good for the baby.
In the past I've just had some private counselling, which hasn't helped much, and have struggled to find CBT in my area, although I'm still looking.
Now I'm pregnant, my anxiety often seems to be spiralling out of control, and I'm terrified that the stress has already harmed the baby, and equally scared of meds harming the baby if I pluck up the courage to go down this route - which I really, really don't want to. I feel like I can't go on as I'm doing, it's driving me and DP up the wall, I'm worried he might leave, I'm worried I'll get pnd, worried about bringing my child up in an anxious environment. Worried about everything, really. I really don't know the best thing to do. I mainly worry about my health and and my baby's, losing the baby etc - not completely irrational worries, just exaggerated ones.
Oh yes, and my career has gone down the loo as I've not been motivated for ages - its an unstructured job where motivation is vital!
Sorry to hear about everyone else's situation, but its given me the courage to post about it for the first time. Not sure whether its ok to ask this in someone else's thread, but if anyone has any good advice I'd welcome it.

I have depression too and was taking fluoxetine prior to becoming pg. I stopped taking them and am now 12 weeks and feeling very depressed down, anxious, irritable and very tired. I am single, the baby's father didnt want to know and I think this adds to the depression knowing I have this to do alone although I love and want my baby.

My doctor has prescribed me Setraline but I am too scared to take it in fear of harming my baby. So really its not going to make me feel better but worse if do take it. Just don't know what to do but am really down and not coping at all.

Palmaviolets of course is okay to ask for advice in this thread - to be honest feel most pleased I started it seeing that it has given you the courage to talk about it. It sounds like we have similar jobs - unstructured - requiring us to motivate ourselves - and I basically didnt do a stroke of work for six weeks until being signed off on tuesday, even when I needed to, I just couldnt, total paralysis. it's a horrible feeling isnt it. my advice to you - and I think others will agree - is please seek help from your GP, and if you're in a position to and your GP doesnt seem to be responding, self refer to a psychiatrist at least for a consultaton. Its how I first got treated back a decade or so ago when I had an unsympathetic GP at the time. My GP now is fabulous - you can always look for another if your current GP doesnt get it. and dont worry about the pain condition not being taken seriously, doctors are cleverer than that, and most will appreciate that having anxiety issues will just make living with the pain even harder to deal with and the need to treat more urgent.

Hormona let us know if you take the sertraline - I suspect thats the route I'll go down. I saw my midwife yesterday and talked about that as a possibility and she was adamant absolutely safe.

Like you all I'm also scared stiff about passing this on, and desperately hoping little one will take after her father on the psychological front. I am worried if I'm honest about getting the bringing up bit right and not passing on anxieties - think it will be hard.

I also feel just desperately inadequate - I'm so ashamed of myself, I dont want to be this person anymore - I want to be everything I always wanted to be, I can live with the fact that I have mental health problems - but wish they were in the background, just part of my character that's there that I have to be aware of, rather than something that is there at the front, screwing my career, making me a dodgy parent.

It's so nice to hear from you all though - so glad I started this thread.

Hi! I was wondering how far along you are. I was pretty desperate until maybe about a week ago. Cried inexplicably all the time, couldn't sleep, had no energy or desire to leave the house or even bathe! I am still feeling like I want to separate from my fiance and not go live with him as we had planned, but that´s another story. Suddenly I kind of hate the guy, and some of the ladies here have suggested it might be hormones.
I think you should ask about the medication: I think that being well for our children is the most important thing. For ourselves actually, what better example for the child to know that mum wants to feel good? I think that outweighs the alleged harm.

Also, I have stopped reading almost anything pregnancy related unless it has a no-bullshit, no-mother of god feminine crap attitude. It is a strange moment for a woman if you don't like stereotypes, and everyone tells you what to do as if you were a child. This is you, warts and all, nothing to be ashamed of! Try to seek out any support: family, friends, playing videogames, anything that makes you feel ok and hopeful. You will be fine, I think, just remember these pregnancy hormones are playing tricks on you! And seek help!

Hello - it's been a while - I went on holiday and then had some time off work, that combined with being given back my old medication with the blessing of my psychiatrist and my GP and midwife - has worked wonders - for now. Am back at work and feel much stronger.

Coldfeet - you make a lot of sense about benefit of medication and thank you for the reassuring words - you are right about family and friends being huge sources of support - I should have shared the state I was in sooner.

I'm 20 weeks and 1 day! I think that actually helps - when I first posted I still felt I had a long old slog to do to get to maternity leave (it's work that is my biggest anxiety problem nowadays), and I just couldnt manage to get through a day in the office so the thought of months more was overwhelmingly horrendous. but now I feel like I am getting there. an end is in sight with work and then at least I can focus on my new life. I am aware that a history of anxiety means all kinds of other problems could be in store - work may be replaced by another trigger - but you never know - hormones can work wonders - there's an outside chance I might be a serenely calm mother!

maybe we all will be!

I have depression and a huge fear of hospitals after a member of hospital staff sexually assualted me in theatre recovery. I also have an incompetant cervix so will need numerous operations when pregnant so know its going to get hard and I will of course have my moments and a little breakdown- but as long as you recongnise those moments and accept they are ok and perfectly normal its fine.

Dont believe what everyone tells you about there perfect pregnancy and feeling like a zen angel - plenty of peopl have depression and have moments when they really struggle. Its about keeping your head up and keeping going.

I find this website a god send there are always people who have felt the same and who you can talk to without judging you and who dont 'know' you x

Oh zoey, I don't know what to say but want to give you a hug.

I want to hug all of you!

Yes me too not entirely sure what/why but got referred to perinatal peeps yesterday. Mainly periods of extreme anxiety frequently leading to depression and a peculiar social anxiety (teacher, why can I act like a tit in front of 400 kids but not speak to a colleague 1:1?) I honestly think mainly due to experiences with undiagnosed thyroid at university, and several blips with it since.(am sure seroxat had something to do with it too) I've been convinced of bipolar in the past as I can be quite hypomanic but I'm an artist/creative sort (!) and the thyroid fluctuations can also mimic that. Over all its made me stubbornly determined but this time my determination has been a bit of the problem. And not taking my beloved betablockers.

It's been a stressful time due to a load of medical crap and school crap and its triggered something weird in me. I've begun to treat my pregnancy like some sort of research project. I've reached a stage where I believe either my body or my lack of slapped cheek nonimmunity is going to poison baby.

Work appears to be the big issue now for me too, I had chronic work stress in past when thy went bad, though I love my job.

Parma, I can relate to a lot of what you say. I became a teacher instead of artist as I liked the structure (! Says she who now teaches in autism!) But then was good at it.(visual perfectionist) I can't take ads and actually don't feel I need to as the anxiety and thyroid hormones are the issue. I have lived for periods of my life feeling suicidal most days but always conquered without ads, though I agree they are wonderful things for many many people, and I may well be happy to take them in the future. Cbt was a revelation though not for deeper issues, but helps you gain control of anxiety.I found the midwives at the hospital excellent and perinatal referral might then help with wider issues later. They agreed that drugs not needed at mo and not even betablockers so you don't have to be worried about that, but they may help you choose that. One thing I have done is got the book I was actually prescribed during cbt from the library - called 'overcoming....' all sorts of things, this one was 'overcoming anxiety'. Hate self help books and needed to be set chapters last time as home work but after revisiting its making a little sense again.

Hormones are both angels and nasty little devils.

Glad you are brighter pipjoy, and hope everyone finding way through soon xx

Well Clarella I can say I know how you feel about social anxiety, that has always been a big problem for me and also a bit inexplicable. My career involves presenting a lot, and even in periods when I've been really ill that's the bit of my job that I can cope with, yet I've lost the ability to go to the pub with colleagues or just have a chat. I became so ill with SA at one point that I was physically sick if I tried to eat in public. Fortunately I recovered from that with treatment in the priory and my beloved form of treatment, benzodiazepines! now denied me of course.

its tough when it seems to be a mass of contradictions.

zoey - i feel for you - your experiences sound just awful but you sound really strong too in a way - and very wise! you're right about this website - I was so sceptical at first, but it is nice to be anonymous isnt it.

BionicEmu - your post is very familiar, it's kinda spooky actually.

I am also on amitriptyline. I take it for anxiety, 100-125mg depending on the kind of day I'm having. As my last pregnancy ended in a mmc, and my anxiety levels are sky high there is just no way I can reduce it any further. I am hoping that I will be able to reduce the dose in the last 3 months to avoid any withdrawal. However, as my DS was ALSO born 6 weeks prem, I might not have enough time to reduce the dose significantly before the baby is born. However I will discuss that at my consultant's appointment.

Every so often I am struck with the terror that I haven't brought my dose down enough, and I'm terrified this baby will have horrible health problems. But then I just repeat the stats my psychiatrist gave me and I feel better.

I am so glad I found this thread! I am 16 weeks and 5 days pregnant with my first baby and suffer from severe depression and anxiety. My anxiety especially has got worse since becoming pregnant. I have suffered since I was 12 years old and have tried so many different anti-depressants that just didn't work for me. I have been on Venlafaxine for just over a year now and am taking 300mg a day. I was terrified (and still am) of taking such a high dose but all of those involved with my care agreed that it would be more dangerous to take me off them or reduce the dose than it is to leave me on them. The main thing is that I am stable and healthy for my baby. My midwife told me that so many women go through pregnancy on anti-depressants and their babies are fine.
All of us suffering depression and anxiety just need to remember that the best thing for our babies is to be stable and as stress-free as possible and if that means that we need medication to be able to do that then so be it.
Best wishes to all of you fellow sufferers, we can do this! :)