ok, so this is actually happening and I am going to be a mum in less than 2 months!

[signet2012]

I need to have a self indulged rant because DP will think I have lost the plot and someone has replaced his normally calm, rational and "emotionally lacking" fiance and replaced her with a lunatic.

But the truth is... I'm SCARED!

I have wanted a baby for so long and I guess I have waited all pregnancy for something to go wrong and, well it hasn't so I'm starting to think this may actually happen. Which is great.

Except: What the hell do I know about a baby? I come from a long line of Fk ups - why did I think I would be able to look after a baby and not damage it emotionally in some way?! We are skint, the babies room is still a bomb site and I'm sure I don't have half of what we need. Our relationship is brilliant but what if something goes wrong or he does not like being a dad and I end up on my own? What if I'm a crap mum? This little person already means so much to me I don't want to fk this up but I have a inbuilt tendancy to fk up anything remotely important.

Do not even get me started on giving birth! I don't even let my partner in the bathroom if I am in the bath and everyone is telling me I will be sick and poo myself and scream.

I do not do emotion, my partner has never seen me cry... (infact I don't think I have cried since I was a teenager) I don't flap and I am NEVER SCARED of anything.

I don't like this feeling!! It's not me at all! Is this normal?
I can't talk to DP about it because he will laugh at me and say its my hormones which maybe it is, but everything feels all out of my control and I don't think I like it. :(

Signet - sounds like you are being human and are experiencing perfectly normal feelings considering that you are about to go through such a life changing experience.
It is perfectly normal to be scared - personally I am terrified about the arrival of DC1 in less than 4 weeks. Not only am I clueless how to care for a newborn but I also feel worried about the additional implications that the new arrival may have on the rest of my life. I am terrified that I will end up affecting my child like my mother affected me.
The only way that I can cope with my feelings is accept them as normal and know that being aware of these things that concern me means that I can work to avoid the potential affects that I'm worried about.
It sounds to me as if you are being really hard upon yourself. Maybe you should try talking to your DP - he may be a lot more understanding than you think?

..... And breathe!

All totally normal emotions re how you will cope with a baby and how relationships will change but you will be fine. For your relationship - yes it will change but since it's already good, for the better, yes there are hard times but then that's life.
As for being a good mum - you just have to learn as you go - we've all screwed things up along the way but as long as you ask for help if you need it and don't be too hard on yourself you'll be fine. You will come home with a baby and not quite believe they let you take it but day by day you work out which way up it goes and get there!

As for baby stuff - what do you think you're missing, they really need very little to start with. Nearly new sales are great you can pick things up that have hardly been used.

The baby room - ok, you need a cot and a changing mat, or just a Moses basket by your bed to start with.

As for labour, I know, I felt the same way, don't like DH to even see me brushing teeth! I threw up over him and I'll never know what he did or didn't see, but I was glad he was there. Frankly you won't care and he looked at me like I was some kind of super human after the event. In the grand scheme of meeting your child it really won't matter.

Don't be so hard in yourself!

thanks :) I think I just needed a bit of a shake there.

I will speak to DP about it, he is lovely and I know he will likely just give me a big hug and say some stuff that will make it all feel much better.

I'm just not used to feeling like this. Im the type of person who could saw her own arm off and say "shit - oh well" and crack on. I am a bit worried DP might freak if he thinks I am worried because I am normally so stiff upper lip!

I think its the lack of the baby room which is bothering me most. All her stuff is in black bags to keep it dust free in the corner of my room and I don't know what is in there and what I have got and what I need. Our house is small and even though she will be in with us for the first 6 months I need her room sorting because its also DP office so we need to try and get the room sorted so he can continue to work from there (he works from home) and so I can see her space and put her wardrobe up and start sorting.

Money is tight too but I'm one of these people who think as long as you have a roof and warmth and a full stomach then nothing else matters.

And I keep having awful dreams that pedophiles come for her in the middle of the night and have woke up in a start checking that she is still in her cot, yet she obviously isn't born yet! Starting to feel a bit crackers.

Thanks for the sense !

all that panic is perfectly normal!

Babies need so little! Just cuddles, milk, love along with a couple of babygrows vests nappies and cardies. Dont panic about not having a motorised swinging crib or a purpose built changing table/bath stand etc etc :)

And just fyi, i have had 2 vomit free labours, and for my second I asked for an enema, which they were happy to administer, so that there would be no pooing myself :) im sure they liked the fact that my poo came out down the toilet rather than on the delivery room floor/bed! Enemas used to alwasy be given as routine a few years back...