Annoyed rant - in laws

[3bees]

So the plan has been to ring in laws when I go into labour to come and sit with dd (3). My parents are willing to come but live 80 miles away so it will take up to 2 hrs from them to get to us. We have a neighbour who she would be ok with for half an hour but prob to for much longer.
Yesterday we spent three hrs trying to call in laws and didn't get through. They only have mobiles, no landlines and tend to leave them in coat pockets etc when at home.
We finally spoke to them today and they said 'we were busy' oh said what if baby was coming? And the reply was 'you have to understand we have things to do'.
WTF! They're pensioners and have 'routines' that are ridiculous - surely you can shop, wash clothes, get money out of post office at any time? Yesterday we couldn't get them as they went bowling for four hours and don't have phones on as it disturbs people!
Today I'm really angry and worried that baby Will come and we won't be able to get them, or they won't be willing to come and I'll have to have the baby alone.

Really wish my parents were closer. Can't understand why they're not willing to drop things just for one day? Don't they get it - there's a baby coming. Even the women who runs the pre school has said he would help out if it happened when they are open (only 3 days a week) and quite frankly I thinK she'd be better looked after there.

Sorry for length. Rant over.

when are you due? You need alternative plans in case you can't get them.

Other options, could you ask your neighbour that if you go into labour and it's not a time when pre-school is open, and you can't get your PILs, could they have DD until your parents can arrive? You will call your PIL, if you don't get through, will call your parents, you can leave your PIL's a message to go to the neighbours so it will be a maximum 2 hours they would have to look after DD, but probably less once PILs pick up the messages to come get DD. (Most people would be happy with that, it's not an open ended commitment).

You need a back-up plan! Remember well being unable to get hold of PIL as they hadn't been expecting me to go into labour (ds2 was 5 days early). Have you any friends who would step in for the couple of hours it takes your parents to get there? Time-limited commitment much less daunting than being asked for the entire duration and aftermath of your labour.

Id by pass them cant your parents or DM come for a few days over the period?

Drop 'em, find someone else, take dd with you to the hospital - and then don't tell them you're in labour - they're clearly not that bothered if they aren't going to do what they originally said.

Unless they told you they didn't want to do it in the first place??

Forget the ILs - you need another plan. Someone to look after DC until your parents arrive.

I'm afraid I'd agree with the others. if they didn't even say "oh yes we'll keep our phones on us and on" when you said "what if I'd gone into labour" they're not actually going to come good on this one.

Do you have friends or even acquaintances? If another mum from a baby group asked me I'd say yes even if we were only on chatting-at-group terms.

Poor show from them I say - good thing you found out now!

I had something similar to this from my own parents when I was due to have my last baby. 'do you mind if we go 350 miles away for a trip for 3 days' literally just before I was due. I had no one else at all to ask. When I said actually I did mind a bit, wasn't sure I'd be able to relax. I was told I was selfish, and this baby better had come during this time otherwise they'd be pissed off.

Anyway I remember how hurt and annoyed I was. So this time, (I'm due in 3 weeks), I have a friend lined up to have dc's. I also have another friend who will come over anytime out of office hours, day or night, just to sit with them all.

Seriously ask anyone you'd consider a friend. I'm sure they'd feel honoured to be asked to be involved in such a special time. Put your own parents on standby and ask them to come and help as soon as they can get to you.

What flag said. I would be happy to help someone in this situation. Even if there were not really more than an acquaintance Particularly if it was just until your parents arrived.

They sound very unreliable. We have no family near by at all so have asked several friends to go on a list for different weekdays etc. so the pressure is off them in a way, but they were thrilled to be asked. And no one person is under that much pressure because there are a few on standby if that makes sense.

Dd doesn't know our friends and she's very shy, dd came two weeks early so t really an option of getting parents to stay as we're looking at a six week window. Can't believe they're so unreliable. They've fallen out with other children so have 4 other grand kids they never see - you think they'd be pleased to spend time with dd1 but they won't stray away from their 'routine'. Still angry lol! Told oh we'd just have to take dd with us and he'd have to stay outside with dd unil he could get hold of parents or my parents could get to us and just hope baby didn't come until then

OK, there's bound to be other options. how many weeks are you now? If you can get your friends round this weekend to spend some time with DD that might be an option, you said it would only be 2 hours max - if they knew their DD was in labour and needed them, most parents would put their foot down and cover the journey in a lot less time... Your DD might be shy so it's not ideal, but it's an option if your PIL can't be reached.

Would the pre-school woman be prepared to take DD for 2 hours until your parents could arrive even if it was out of hours? It might be worth asking. Again, you need plans B and C if you know they are unrealiable.

2 hours isn't that far away to be fair, would your parents be prepared to visit say, every weekend for the 6 week period? That at least gives you that covered, then you've got the 3 days of preschool covered, (assuming if it's middle of the night your PIL's will just be at home, not out and about so reachable) it would only mean you're relying on your neighbour or friends to cover the 2 hour drive for 2 days a week. And again, while you think the neighbour might only do 30 minutes, if you said "look, my inlaws aren't being reliable, so I'm going ot have to call my parents, it's going to take them 2 hours to get here max, possibly less if the roads are clear, would you be ok with that?" most would say yes, it's not a long time.

Also worth remembering, you could call your parents and not need to leave for the hospital immediately, I started contractions at 6pm with DS, I didn't leave for the hospital until 10pm. Not ideal, but if you could hold out an hour, that's not long to leave your DD with someone.

Thanks. If it's during the night then the neighbour will sit in for as long as needed and dd will be asleep so should be fine. Hopefully we would be able to get hold of pil, though they still insist on leaving phones in living room when they go to bed even though fil is deaf and mil deep sleeper!
Mil is one of those really annoying women who say 'it was like shelling peas' she apparently had 3 kids with no trouble and little pain so obviously donesn't understand the concern.
Oh said everything will be fine but I think I'm just panicking that I won't know I'm in labour until I really know I'm in labour and have to go quick. With dd1 waters didn't break and show was two weeks before - this time I've been having labour like pains for weeks which sometimes come regularly for an hour or so then stop. Just a bit worried that I'll be an hour or more into labour before I realise it's not just cramps!