39 years old, 6weeks, first, OH REALLY doesn't want kids...!

[stowsettler]

The threat title says it all really. I think I'm about 6 weeks (could be a bit more, it wasn't planned so I wasn't keeping dates particularly well) and am DREADING telling OH. He absolutely doesn't want kids, to the extent that it may well split us up.
I've never been pregnant before and have never been particularly maternal but I know that if he was going to be happy about it, I'd be delirious. As it is, I've just got this sick feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach because when I tell him it could be the beginning of the end of our relationship. Bloody hell, you'd think I was old enough to know better!
Not really sure what I want in terms of advice, but am feeling the need to vent!!

Poor you Stowsettler. Do you think he really would be that against it or do you think he may come round in time. Ultimately you have to decide whats right for you (and your baby if you decide to keep it). Have you been together a long time?

Just tell him! You never know, he may surprise you! As men get older sometimes their views change, and maybe he hasnt mentioned it to you as he and you both agreed not to have them? Idk, just a thought!

It might be the case that he panics at first but then comes round to the idea...

Or maybe you are right and he wants none of it and it might be the end of your relationship...

It sounds like you want this baby?

If he doesnt but wants to stay together and get rid then how would you feel?...

Talk to him! no time like the present!? good luck!

you could say that he is also old enough to know better!

This is something that has happened because of both of you - not something you have dreamed up to throw at him - remember that if his reaction is not what you hope for. Its very early days but I think you know inside what you would like to happen. Tell OH, don't put it off. It will only stress you further.

And once you've told him - give him some TIME to absorb the news and digest it, he may well surprise you but you can't expect a coherent response straight away.

Congratulations on your pregnancy - and good luck

MY DP never wanted kids and was quite adamant about it to the point where I think we would've broken up when I started getting broody (I was always very maternal). As it happens, like you, I got pregnant accidentally and was dreading telling DP cos wasn't sure how happy he'd be about it (although I always knew he'd be supportive, I also wanted him to be happy iykwim). Anyway, once he got over the initial shock he was as happy as me about it and is now an absolutely brilliant dad to our DS and we have another (planned) baby on the way.

I've no idea how your OH will react but just wanted to offer you some comfort that it might turn out great in the end. I think if I had wanted to plan for our first DC then DP would never have got on board and it may have split us up. However, because it happened by accident (at a really not ideal time in either of our lives - we were travelling at the time and therefore had no jobs or our own place to go back to) DP had no choice but to embrace it, and has been a fantastic father.

Hope it goes well, it seems like you're happy about it and will definately be keeping the baby so how your OH handles it is up to him. You may find that once he's had time to get used to the idea he might be as happy as you.

Thanks everyone. I guess I want it, but not having ever been very maternal, I couldn't say that I'm jumping for joy. I'm sure OH's expected response is a big contributing factor to this. However I keep thinking about how I've reacted inside recently to news of friends' pregnancies - obviously being happy for them, but this is tempered with a twinge of "what if?" for my own situation.

Thanks for the stories of happy endings....will be keeping my fingers crossed that I can post similar in a year or so!

hasn't happened to me but a close friend got pregnant when her DP was adamant he did not want kids , he was very in love with her though and there was never really any suggestion that he would run away but he wasn't at all happy. Fast forward and he is now a proud besotted father!

So anyway I told him...and he was brilliant. Shocked, obviously, but really brilliant. So much so that it's hard to believe he ever expressed the vehement anti-baby attitude he has held for as long as I've known him.
Obviously he's having a few 'walls closing in' moments currently, but altogether seems to be coping fine. I can't believe it.
So, all's well that ends well...so far! Now for the next 7 months and then the hard bit starts.
Thanks to everyone's encouraging words - it really wasn't anywhere near as bad as I thought!!!

Great news!
Good luck with the pregnancy!

That's lovely stow. Wishing you all the best with your pregnancy.

Brilliant! What a lovely outcome. Congrats to you both xxxx

Awww, excellent. Congratulations!

great news! so pleased for you!

Men always get over these things pretty quickly! Especially once their LO arrives

Great news :) All the best for your family x