advice on whether to tell dss im pregnant

[tahlulla1986]

Im currently 9 weeks pregnant and I want to keep quiet because I miscarried in Feb 12. I have 2 dss that live with me and dh as their birth mother died from cancer 4 years ago. we didnt tell the children about my first pregnancy but ended up telling them when i miscarried as it was very difficult to hide it from them. i'm really tired and suffering from morning sickness all the time as well as vomiting. my youngest dss who is 6 gets really worried when I'm not well (i think related to his bm dying) and im wondering if it would be better to tell them that im pregnant and its normal that im not well. i just dont want want them to go to school and tell everyone.

I think it would be unrealistic to expect a six year old to keep it to themselves so you either tell them and expect everyone at school to find out or say that you have been to the doctor who said it is a non- serious bug which will probably last for three weeks and tell them then.

I'd say it's prob best to tell them you've seen the doctor and it's a bug, to put his mind at rest. They will definately tell everyone at school.

I'm 14 weeks and told DD and DS yesterday, today all their mates know, they are 7 and 5.

Good luck with the pregnancy.

Kids can't hold their own water, they don't have any concept of a 'secret' so I agree with Casmama find another excuse to cover for your symptoms.

On the plus side kids generally are trusting and will believe whatever you tell them about the sickness. If the poor thing is worried every time you are sick you need to calm his fears with something.

I was very upset by people vomiting when I was a child/teenager because my sister had had years of very harsh treatment for leukaemia when I very small (4-7). Vomiting was associated very strongly in my mind with family stress and serious illness even though I don't really have conscious memories of my sister throwing up. I couldn't really explain or understand how panicked and horrified it made me feel even as a fairly articulate teenager years later. Your ss might have a similar association even if it's at an unconscious level. I think in this situation I would tell them so that you can really reassure that it's normal and focus on the positive (a growing baby who will hopefully carry on growing) and perhaps even make a joke of it if you can face it; but if you'd rather not then I think it's a good idea to give them some sort of alternative reassuring explanation that you can repeat and that your DH can also reinforce regularly.

I also grew up haunted by always suspecting that there was some dreadful medical secret in the family that no-one was telling me. My sister survived but I constantly expected her to die, even though no-one had ever formally told me that she had been so close to death for a long time. I can only imagine that children who have witnessed a deterioration followed by a death may be even more anxious about any signs of ill health in anyone else.

Sympathy anyway. I am 16 weeks and I've had hyperemesis since week 5. I'm over the worst bit (out of hospital etc) but I'm still throwing up every day and it is truly grim. I hope you feel better soon.

Hi

Personally I would be honest with them, and perhaps accept that everyone in the school yard might know tomorrow; fwiw, even if they tell their mates, it is quite unlikely that every child will tell their parents, so damage will be quite limited.

I have a 7 year old DD and am currently 36 weeks pregnant. I also have been dreadfully sick throughout and those early weeks were horrendous coupled with the fact I have had several miscarriages. We had told DD that about the mc prior to this pregnancy as I had ended up in hospital because of it. We told DD that I was pregnant very early on this time, because I was so sick and we didn't want her to worry. We never asked her to keep it 'secret' or even used that word. We asked her to only talk to Mummy and Daddy about it, and let her ring her Grandma (my mum) and Uncle (my brother), but would prefer it if she didn't tell her friends at the time, however, if it slipped out she wasn't to worry about it; and do you know, she didn't tell a soul until I had the 12 week scan, and I'd already had 2 early scans. So, I guess what I am saying is that do what you feel is right for your family, but include them in your family 'surprise' and you might find they appreciate that trust.