Going slowly mad

[iamstitch]

Hi

I'm a namechanger and am desperate for some advice. We already have children and want another. DH has given me the green light and said lets do it but I'm in such a state about it.

I would love another child to add to our gang but after a loss at 21+2 last year and difficult pregnancies and premie births I'm do scared.

Guess I just want some hand holding and advice. I know my fear won't ever go away but will it lessen or will I be a jabbering idiot all through my next pregnancy regardless of how long we wait?

Thanks in advance

I am so sorry...I'm also totally unqualified to comment having never been in your situation but wanted to reassure you if I could. You are unlikely to have a carefree and worryless pregnancy but it doesn't mean you won't be able to have another baby. There are some good threads offering support when ttc after mc and stillbirth which are populated by the most lovely ladies. I really wish you every happiness and hope you have a very dull pregnancy. I am sure someone else will come along with more concrete advice soon x

Thanks spring, just been talking out loud to the dog and maybe I'm just not ready so confused

The dog is a great person to talk to and saying it out loud will really help. Have you thought about having counselling? It could help you move on and cope with a new pregnancy. You will reach the point where you just need to be brave and go for it but deciding if you are ready is a very personal choice.

You have gone through a lot, but don't let what has happened hold you back from going for it! fear can have a hold of you, it is the fear you have to conquer

So many things happen in life that we are not prepared for - I am currently pregnant, have had challenges with miscarriages, and in the beginning was always worried something was going to happen (and it really took away from me enjoying the pregnancy) - but the reason we went for it because we thought there is never a 'good' time to have a baby, it will always be challenging whenever you go for it

If you feel vulnerable, maybe get in touch with some help groups who are in the same situation just to get some strength from talking to each other, and have some support - you don't need to do this all by yourself!

Hopefully everything will go well, and even if you have challenges in the pregnancy, hopefully you will carry to full term, and a successful pregnancy and a little baby will help you heal from what has happened in the past

I'm afraid I have no advice, I can't imagine how difficult your situation has been, but I just wanted to wish you all the luck in the world for the future, and I hope you find the strength you need.

Thank you all so much. DH has suggested talking to someone and I think I should. I always find an excuse not to though!

My brain yesterday said go for it, what's going to happen will happen but after a night of awful awful dreams I've woken up so wobbly.

He worries about my mental strength to deal with any problems (I was close to a breakdown last year) and that in turn makes me worried about my mental strength for the children we already have. I wonder if it's too big a risk to take.

Why don't just not decide for a minute. If you go and get some counselling you will feel stronger and more able to cope. You nearly had a breakdown because you were in a situation of emmense stress and emotional turbulence. It took a lot to get to that point. The normal vicitudes of pregnancy are much less stressful and are unlikely to cause such a reaction in you. It will be ok, take one day at a time and stay positive.

Thanks again everyone. You've given me lots to think about today and I think I'll try and take it one step at a time. Try and get my head straight.

I lost 3 babies in 2009. I had a successful pregnancy in 2010 after a session of acupuncture & then got pregnant with dc3 last year after more acupuncture.

I'd highly recommend finding a good acupuncturist as they work on the mind as well as the body.

Pregnancy after a loss is never going to be stress-free but for me (& several of my friends) acupuncture has helped massively

Good luck.

why am I finding this so hard?! One minute my brain says sod it, just do it; the next I'm in bits :(

I was about to tell DH that we will go for it, then we were interrupted by the children and now I'm thankful that I didn't say anything. I feel awful for him, he's so patient and understanding and however much he would love another he's said it's my call. That makes it worse somehow. Like I hold in my hand the power to give him what he wants or not and it doesn't sit well. Somehow I don't think anything's going to sit well with me at the moment.

I still feel so much guilt about everything that has happened and I know it's silly but I feel like I've done something wrong at some point in my life and all this is my punishment.

Someone slap me please!!

Mummys I'm so sorry for your losses. Will try the acupuncture, DH has suggested alternatives to talking to someone and I think things like that are great.

I had hypnotherapy when I was pregnant with my DD2, because of anxieties about labour and birth. I know it's not the same situation, but it might be worth giving it a go to help you feel more relaxed and positive about another pregnancy. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Unfortunately for people like us, pregnancy will never be a walk in the park. Some people seem to fall pregnant so easily & have worry-free pregnancies but once you have suffered a loss, that can never be.

Losing a baby is a terrible terrible thing and I can't even imagine the pain of losing a baby at 21 weeks. At least mine were fairly early losses. All I can say is that I wanted another baby more than my fear of losing another baby iyswim.