Hen weekend at 35 weeks?

[Aworryingtrend]

A very good friend is getting married soon. Unfortunately the wedding is 2 days before my ELCS is booked, and at her hen do I will be 35 weeks.

If we lived nearby I would go to at least part of the hen weekend but we leave 250 miles apart and it would involve a 2 night stay. I feel absolutely awful that I will neither be at her hen weekend nor the wedding but I just think at 35 weeks it would be foolish to be so far from home and also I don't think I would be up to 2 nights of staying out late partying, travelling in a car for that long etc.

It's hard to know though if I am being precious, would others go in the circumstances I have described at 35 weeks?

Am dreading telling her I'm not going. She is a good friend but has been a bit funny about me being pregnant, when I was 9 weeks and exhausted she wasn't very happy I wouldn't stay up past 1am!

you sound perfectly reasonable to me. tell her youve thought it through and will visit after. maybe also point out you dont want to spoil her day by being centre of attention and giving birth in the church!

Definitely don't go you will be tired and surrounded by lots of drunk people and feeling miserable and knowing on the first night you have to do it all over again on the 2nd night. You will also spend a lot of time before hand feeling miserable dreading it. It is just unfortunate timing nothing you can do about it.

if you don't want to go (for whatever reason) don't go, you have to do whats right for you when you are pregnant. I've been on many long journeys while pregnant and many nights out, but I felt comfortable and able to do it. If i hadn't then I wouldn't have gone. If she is a good friend she should understand!

Don't go. Don't beat yourself up over it. And please don't apologise for your pregnancy when you explain this to your friend. If she is being funny about you being pregnant then all she deserves is to be told matter-of-fact, you aren't going. If you must give a reason, is the fact you are having an ELCS reason to stay close to home? If you were to go into spontaneous labour early, I imagine they'd want you at hospital asap.

It would be totally selfish if your friend didnt understand...put yourself first and make decisions that allow you to enjoy the last weeks of your pregnancy, not stress.

I don't think i could deal with that now at 31 weeks. it can be difficult to explain to someone who hasn't experienced pregnancy though so i understand your dilemma. x

A friend came to mine at 30 wks, it was hard going and I really wasn't bothered if she chose not to but was very keen. Id purposely arranged day things (surfing, afternoon tea,) and eve things (buffet as we were stuffed by then and cocktails then dancing) for people to pop into what ever they could manage. However 35 wks is a different story - I'm trying to explain to DH that a wedding 100 miles away at 38 weeks is unlikely to happen.

Personally id not go if I had any doubts, and not feel sorry about it - its her issue if she's bothered. You could offer to see her earlier or say you'll decide nearer the time but really its not fair for her to expect you to jump to her every whim. Another option could be to meet up for a day time part of it somehow, really if it's too far to do that don't even consider it and don't feel guilty.

I do now realise you really can't imagine what pg is like till you've experienced it, and everyones experience is different - unfortunately it puts us in annoying and difficult positions when having to deal with others ignorance.

Thanks all, good to know 'm not just being precious. I really can't imagine doing it at 35 weeks to be honest, and yes hospital have said if I go into labour before ELCS date I need to get to the hospital PDQ. So that is my 'excuse' as it were but I am still dreading telling her, I jsut know she won't take it well. People don't understand til they have been there themselves.

Maybe slightly over emphasise (exaggerate?!) the risks, dangers possible complications to try and make it clear its not really a choice - sort of 'doctors orders iykwim.' Shame her attitude makes you feel the need to worry about speaking to her.

I wouldn't go.

I wouldn't go. I was supposed to be bridesmaid for my best friend but am due a week before, the wedding is 3 hours away. She had her hen do an hour away from me when I was 33 weeks. I went and only stayed half of the weekend. If im honest, i hated it. Everyone else is getting drunk etc and I was exhausted. Plus I was sgaring a room with 4 other girls so didn't get a single minute of sleep. I wouldn't do it again, I cried when I got home which is very unlike me!x