Feeling a bit low - can anyone lend me their ear, offer me advice, tell me to get a grip!

[Spice17]

Hi all

Am 24 weeks and have suddently started feeling a bit low. I have had depression in the past and have learned from those experiences that it's catching it at this stage that stops it spiralling. I also know the the worries/stress can start off as totally rational and lead me into more irrational thinking.

For example, I don't have huges worries at the moment but my mum is getting married and I seem to be absorbing her stress (that's a whole other thread!) Also, my DH went out on Fri night to watch the footie, got pissed and stayed out really late and while I was pottering at home on my own I managed to break my little toe and felt very sorry for myself which then leads me to feel low and worried about random things like coping with the baby, will I be a good mum, do I want to be a mum, blah, blah, blah.

How do I nip it in the bud now? Don't want to go back to that place again, especially not now :(

TIA

I'm sorry you're feeling low. I also worried about depression when I was pregnant -- life was pretty stressful, and I had a previous history. There is actually something called antenatal depression, it doesn't get as much attention as PND, but it is something you can talk to your midwife about.

In my case, my midwife made it pretty clear that their mental health resources were pretty overwhelmed by very serious cases, so I didn't really pursue getting formal help. I mostly coped by just trying to be very kind to myself -- I feel like pregnancy is one of the few times in your life where you're kind of allowed to be selfish! Don't do anything you don't absolutely have to, try to minimise the amount of stuff you let into your life that can stress you out. It's actually good practice for later, because with a newborn you really have to learn to prioritise what you can care about.

I also remember feeling better closer to 30 weeks, as things get more exciting and that counteracts the low feelings. When you start seeing little hands and feet poking up out of your belly, it's very thrilling! And all the worries about being a good mum, you can channel those into all the practical preparations you have to make.

But really, the main thing is to talk to people and ask for help if you need it. Have you talked to your DH about it?

Thanks Dreaming, what you've said makes total sense, I haven't talked to DH but think I will.

He is supportive but I don't think he can tell at all when I'm feeling a bit flat/low and last time it happened, it seemed to come as a big surprise to him - DOH! He's a lovely man but a bit rubbish at times, bless him :)

I don't want to make a huge issue of it but maybe if I explain exactly how I feel? I tend to get upset and keep quiet but then it will explode in a big tearful, irrational rant, I always do this and never seem to learn from it but I will try this time, thanks for your advice :)

Ah it's definitely a good idea to talk to him!

I have to admit, I really put my DH through the wringer when I was pregnant He was very supportive but it was quite hard for him, my feelings were very unpredictable. I once sobbed for an hour because I couldn't figure out how to work a sling I'd been given! He was at a total loss. I couldn't articulate all the ways that my failure to tie a sling meant that I was going to be a rubbish mum and my child would hate me, ah you probably know how that goes...

Our council offered an expectant fathers course, is there anything like that where you are? It really helped him a lot. I think they basically just tell them that all pregnant women are crazy and to just go along with it and try to help

Have you tried any relaxation techniques? Like yoga or meditation? They really do help, unfortunately I only really tried such things after DS came along, I wish I'd tried them sooner.

I have just been a bit of a coward and emailed him but I was able to say nicely what my worries are, that it's not him and that I may cry at nothing later!

I cried for about an hour when I hurt my toe on Fri too, big sobs like I was 6 again, very strange experience.

Don't think there's anything locally for men, be nice if there was.

I have thought about doing some Yoga, will look into any pregnancy classes they might have on round here, thanks

Hey Spice :)

I am 30 weeks with DC1 and I totally know how you are feeling.

I was worried I had pre-natal depresstion until I suddenly felt better a few days later. I found that talking to my DH made things a lot better, and just trying to accept that he wouldn't understand and I couldn't expect him to.

Let me reassure you that it is most likely hormones and coming to terms with the fact that your body is not your own anymore and soon you'll have a small person relying on you! It's scary (but wonderful) and don't underestimate what you/your body is going through :)

Have a nice bath tonight and maybe a small glass of wine and relax :)

Hi hun, I've just been told I've probably got antenatal depression (history of depression in the past) I spoke to MW on fri and she's made a referral to MH midwife. Might be worth talking to your MW and seeing what support can be put in place now.