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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

anyone know fathers work rights - re scans

20 replies

elizaregina · 18/06/2012 09:11

hi does anyone know what fathers work rights are going to the baby scans, my DH wants to come to 20 week scan - didnt come to 12 week scan but doesnt think his work would allow this?

To my mind, its a serious scan, and I would like him there should something nasty be thrown up and as its half him the baby - shouldnt he have a right to be there as well?

OP posts:
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scarlettsmummy2 · 18/06/2012 09:13

Not sure about legal position, but could he not just take half a days leave?

PickleSarnie · 18/06/2012 09:19

Legally, his work don't have to allow him time off to go. Depending on the nature of his work and whether or not he could make up the time, his work may be amenable to letting him go.

KatAndKit · 18/06/2012 09:30

He doesn't have the legal right but most employers would be accommodating. He would possibly have to take the half day as annual leave, but it is unlikely that his employer will refuse him permission to go. It is generally assumed that fathers should be there at the scans these days.

elizaregina · 18/06/2012 09:33

scarlettsmummy2

He has said he has a hosp appt but not told them why, and it turns out they are going to be two down that day - he works on a help desk so asked him to change his appt which obvioulsy he cant do!

he doesnt want to tell them i am pregnant yet, and i am surpised they are asking him to change a hospital appointment as it could be about anyhting?

OP posts:
Pootle78 · 18/06/2012 12:30

My husband had to take annual leave for 12 and 20 week scan. We have a growth scan and consultant appointment on Wednesday which he had been ok'd to go to as was going straight to a site visit not far from us (he normally commutes to London). He's now been told he has to go to Glasgow on Wednesday and there is only 1 train he can get that will get him there before 4 so he is coming to the scan but leaving me before the consultants appointment to make sure he makes the connection, it is rubbish but as others have said he has no automatic right to be there. Can he not ask if he can take it as his lunch break, no matter when the scan is?

Panzee · 18/06/2012 16:57

Does it count as a hospital appointment when it's not his?

elizaregina · 18/06/2012 19:52

Panzee I would say so yes,it is his too its his baby, if there is something wrong he should be there..... also in terms of his job...anyway he has been granted leave...so crisis over!

i just find it really invasisve and cheeky that his bolshy boss is asking what its for, as though he can be a doctor/ consultant and decide for my DH whether its worth him going or not!

OP posts:
hermioneweasley · 18/06/2012 19:55

There is no right to time off for your partner's ante natal appointments, and he could get into serious trouble over lying about the appointment being his. If the employer ask to see proof of the appointment he will be caught out. Is it possible to change the appointment to a day when he can take leave.

Panzee · 18/06/2012 20:05

Glad your husband doesn't have to lie. Hope all goes well at the scan. :)

BlackOutTheSun · 18/06/2012 20:09

There is no legal right for the father to have time off to attend the scan. Also it is not his hospital appt so his boss would be within their rights to ask for proof off the appt.

geekette · 19/06/2012 04:40

Time for laws to change. Dads relying on convention and understanding to be there for their babies is just plain wrong.

madwomanintheattic · 19/06/2012 05:35

His boss probably suspects it isn't for him - but at least if he gets caught lying then he won't miss any more scans as he won't have a job.

Seriously? Going to the scan is worth risking his employment for?

He's willing to be evasive and lie by omission, so that his boss thinks it's his own hospital appointment, because he isn't man enough to say 'my wife is pg and I want to go to the scan'. Real prize you've got there, op.

A scan is a scan. Yes, he wants to go, but really it isn't worth jeopardising your job for. Plenty of dads to be miss them, and get shown or sent the pics afterwards if they happen to be working away.

The easiest thing would just have been to take a day's leave at the outset if he wanted to be all secretive.

geekette · 19/06/2012 06:11

Err, he doesn't need MN permission to be able to choose what he wants to be confidential?

His employer should know he is going for a scan but the employer should also respect his desire for confidentiality. This is guaranteed for mums to be but i doubt it is so for dads. This is what he is risking his employment for and he shouldn't feel the need to do this. it is not a question of "manning up". policies need changing.

And many people doing things wrong makes it a norm but doesn't make it right! Plenty of dads missing the "important" i.e. 12/20w scans is just wrong. Being sent a pic is second best really and not a great solution.

madwomanintheattic · 19/06/2012 06:23

He doesn't need to tell them what it's for if he takes leave, quite right. But he didn't. He made up some cock nd bull story about a personal hospital appointment, didn't even fess up that it wasn't his appt, but his wife's. But we are arguing the same thing anyway - he should have told them he was going with his wife for a hospital appt.

He isn't entitled to take paid time off for that reason, so to do so (and lie by omission that it is for him, so that he is able to get the time off) makes him a crap and unreliable employee, and likely to get into hot water if he gets caught. His employer might have given him the time if he'd been honest.

That isn't to say the entitlement needs to be changed, but to state how his company are likely to view it.

If an employee lied to me, particularly when I had already told them I really needed them to be in because of a staff shortage, and they had claimed they had a personal hospital appointment that couldn't be changed, and I found out they had lied, I would be discussing it with HR.

You don't take time off work you aren't entitled to, and lie to get it, and expect your employer to be all hunky dory.

Completely different to whether the entitlement is right or wrong.

He lied to his employer. End of.

At least it appears in the end he took a day's leave, which is what he should have done in the first instance. Or asked for the morning off to accompany his wife for an appt.

My point about secrecy was really to poke a little bit of fun at the op keeping it a secret from her husband's employer at 20 weeks. Largely because I felt she was being a bit precious. And also because she made it sound as though it was something that needed to be secret. I don't give a flying deck whether they put an ad in the grauniad, or tell no one. But to make a big deal over him lying to his employer because she didn't want them to know she was pg was stretching the 'confidentiality' clause a tad for my liking. He had to lie because I don't them to know!

fireice · 19/06/2012 06:26

Policy isn't going to change in time for the OP though.

There is a risk in saying that your DP has an appointment - he wont be able to show an appointment card or letter with his name on it.

Is there a reason why he doesn't want to tell. Seeing as he doesn't have a legal right to insist on the time off, he might find that an employer would be more understanding if they know it is a 20 week scan and not something that could be delayed.

Loislane78 · 19/06/2012 07:12

Some employers are such idiots. It is time for the law to change so fathers can at least have time off for a few ante natal appts but as someone who also manages a team, i would always give time off for this sort of thing (and do for less). Depending what it's for, they might make the time up or not.

My experience is if you're reasonable with your team they will reciprocate and there is openness and trust both sides, making it better for everyone. You want a happy team and if managers knowingly say no to something like this (without a really good business reason), they can't expect much loyalty in return.

Glad you got it sorted OP and hope the scan goes well :)

Cheekychops84 · 19/06/2012 13:54

My dp asked his boss for time off for my 20 week scan he didn't make the 12 week one either and his boss said no they didn't have the staff.

elizaregina · 19/06/2012 18:01

madwomanintheattic

  1. legally you dont have to tell work wife is expecting until 25 weeks or 15 weeks before due date

  2. there are extremly good reasons not to tell boss actually in this personal case.

  3. boss is rude and also asked employee what his hospital appt was for infront of all his collegues as though he was a doctor who could then judge if hosp appot was worth going to or not - is not one who can then expect employee to be honest.

  4. boss who had employee lifting extremly heavy items that are not part of his job, leaving employee with severe pain for over ten days and two docs visits.....and not giving one jot - is a boss who may complain to HR about employee and boss may find HR questioning integrity of boss......

  5. my husband is a model employee who is undervalued and under paid, if they did want to get rid of him over this - yes - its best to move on and loose job.

He needs to move on anway, he is by far the most qualified and intellegent on his team hence why he gets picked on to do lots of stuff he isnt getting paid for.

  1. there was only 9 days notice for this appt and no time to book in annual leave due to hospital and royal mail so it was all rushed.

  2. 20 week scans are not all about getting a pic, your very very lucky if you had one and had a nice pic to show.

Alot of women have to hear that there is a problem with thier baby and for that reason - like thier partner to be with them.

OP posts:
madwomanintheattic · 20/06/2012 00:54

Oh puh lease.

I got a pic to post to dh who was on ops. Some of us have to do without them for everything bar conception, y' know.

The boss being an arse doesn't excuse lying.

He didn't have to tell him what the appt was for, I care not either way, but he did have to make it clear it wasn't for him, it was for you, and take the time off his holiday entitlement if necessary.

And you can piss right off with the 'something wrong with the baby' line. Some women (to use your righteous phraseology) don't have the option of dh taking time off for the scan.

Do you think I'm bomb proof? Or just a bit thick? For your ref, dh got blown up when I was 10 weeks pg with ds, and dd2 was born with cerebral palsy. Oh, and he was away for my entire pg with dd1, who is thankfully my but was whisked away after the section as they thought she had spina bifida.

It's a scan. It's great if your dh can be there, but I reiterate, he is a twat if he tries to take a day off as a freebie by lying to his boss. The fact his boss is a twat is neither here nor there. Yes, take the day off. But don't lie about it. Just take leave.

madwomanintheattic · 20/06/2012 00:58

I am rofling a leetle at your sanctimonious tone though.
Ta for the lecture.

Nevertheless, I wish you well and hope the scan goes ok. I know exactly how you feel, and it does make it easier if dh can be there.

It isn't essential, though.

You cope, whatever.

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