pregnancy depression

[boredandabroad]

hi, this is my first time on here and if you are reading this thank you for taking the time. I have one child and am expecting my second in 3 months. with pregnancy one i was completely fine, happy and active even though i was a single parent and young. i had my family there though and that really helped. now i am married and to people on the outside, settled. i feel completely different. i have no energy and feel like i need to sleep all the time but can't. i cry a lot and eat a lot too and feel hopeless most of the time. I'm not around my family any more due to location and i am a housewife and i feel these may be main factors. has any one else had experience of pregnancy depression and is that what's wrong with me? how do you talk to your husband about it? I'm am very conscious of sounding like I'm complaining and when i have tried before he gets defensive and asks me what he's doing wrong. i don't really know how to answer him. please help! i feel like I'm at a dead end and i don't want it to affect child 1 or my relationship with OH :(

Don't want to read and run but I was the same for 2nd pregnancy (1st pregnancy fine but followed by PND), I just struggled through til I was ok again but had very supportive DH.

Be honest with DH, even if t means blaming it in hormones (which is probably partially true). Are you under a community midwife team? Again mine were wonderful, as was my doctor who fast tracked me into CBT as I knew I wasn't down enough to take ADs

Try talking to your doctor too - depression in mums and mums to be is the one area of the NHS where (in my experience) they try to be proactively pre-emptive

Sorry you're feeling low though - try to eat well and rest as much as you can

thanks for your reply. unfortunately we are living away and i don't have medical people to turn to (language issues). i guess we don't appreciate the NHS till we don't have it!

i know i have to be honest with DH. he is a good man and i know he wants to help but i don't know what will help me. i don't want to add to the pressure he is already under.

im relieved to hear from someone who has come through unscathed, i guess things can only get better. i just only hope that the solution isn't to move back to the UK leaving DH here for 3 years so things will be more manageable for me, ds + bump.

Hi hun, Ii' preg with dc2, i had ante-natal depression with my first and it feels like it has come back again this time round. I had very little support from xp and family first time round. But had loads of support from MW and HV, also helped myself by going to library and doing a lot of research myself into depression and slowly learning ways to help myself feel better. I was also put on ad's, i'm making an appointment next week to see my GP again to see if there is anything they can do for me again. as i feel so low and loney even tho i have a very supportive dp this time round. Try talking to your OH if you find it hard to talk to him write it all down instead and show him that way. Hope you feel better soon Here if you would like to chat, feel free to PM me hun.

Hi there is a charity called PANDA for post and ante natal depression. I gave them a call while going thru a rough patch and they were really patient and helpful. I know you are abroad but I was told I could email if I preferred it so I am sure you could do this. Just copy and paste what you wrote above.

www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/

I think given your circumstances its very understandable that you are low. Im signed off work due to non immunity to a virus and now feel very detached from life and fairly useless to anyone - I usually teach 5 very amazing and autistic children and though tough am used to feeling very necessary. One asked if I had died the other day. I also think that when you are married or 'settled' people think you're well supported. How far are you? It may be worth seeing the doctor to check iron / thyroid levels etc? My thyroid crashed and it affects mood.

Hope you feel better soon xx

thanks for the support. that website looks really helpful I'm just worried about opening a can of worms and it feels like admitting defeat. i will send them an email and see where it goes. I'm 27 weeks so still have a while to go yet which worries me even more. I'm sure that once i have spoken to DH i will wonder why i was worrying in the first place. its really reassuring to hear from other women in the same position but it does make me miss friends and family even more.

i hope i feel better soon too, thanks guys xx

A few emails may help you sort it out more in your head and how to discuss with DH. I couldn't deal with recent things without the reflections and reassurance of few close friends and DH struggled to understand at first so I imagine it's extra hard in your circumstances. Mumsnet is an excellent resource too. It's really not a defeat nor a failure to take a step towards seeking some help. If you had a broken arm you'd seek some help - 'depression' can be a dirty, stigmatic word that seems ultimate, negative and final but the truth is everyone goes through rough patches and it makes it so much worse if you think you should be all happy and full of life. They were all standing up in the house of commons yesterday talking about their own struggles and issues! (and they weren't even pregnant!) You will come out of it and are taking to first steps towards it.

Another website to simply explore and read is MIND, they cover a wide range of difficulties including stress, worry and support for people supporting those going through a bad patch. Don't be afraid to admit you are down, reading about it can help you understand it and also to explain to your DH, try even reading together? He may feel its his responsibility to 'fix' you and may need to read about things simply to understand how to support you.

It is quite scary to begin to think there's a problem and you can ironically send your self crazy thinking you're going nuts. Equally its easy to think - 'oh I'm not that bad I don't have bi-polar' and try to dismiss it - a twisted ankle only gets worse if you try and walk on it. chatting to the panda people helped me realise i'd had more stress than i'd realised which was triggering cycling anxiety which leads to helplessness and hopelessness. And that this was ok and normal. Hormones also had a big part to play.

Big hugs and keep in touch x