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Original poster

Friend's thoughtless comment. Am I being over-sensitive?

26 replies

thebetachimp · 13/06/2012 21:35

A friend of mine (who knew we were TTC) asked me today whether I am pregnant yet. I said that I am eight weeks. She asked how it was going and I said that I am really chuffed, but that I am so bloated that I already look pregnant.

She said that that that must be because I don't do yoga so I must have "terrible core muscles", so there's nothing to stop everything just hanging out!

Every time I speak to her, she says something mean. I never say anything, but I'm always annoyed afterwards. Am I being over-sensitive?

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Tangointhenight · 13/06/2012 21:39

Because you don't do yoga??? What tripe!!

Stay away from her or you might end up killing her, I was ready to kill my nearest and dearest by about 25 weeks so if someone I didn't love had crossed me Angry

maybe she's jealous?

stmoritzsmells · 13/06/2012 21:41

I don't mean to sound harsh but it really seems like she is severely jealous of you. anyone with a bit of envy wouldnt say so but someone quite obviously harbouring this much towards you would. Have this mate in small doses and enjoy your pregnancy, I bet you are beautiful and blooming

Dont pay it a 2nd thought :D

jealousy isnt pretty. take note people

HaggisNeepsTatties · 13/06/2012 21:44

Never mind the yoga...I can't believe she asked you if you were pregnant! What if you were struggling to get pregnant, or recently had a miscarriage?!
Sounds pretty thoughtless to me...

Original poster
thebetachimp · 13/06/2012 21:46

Aw, thanks guys, I feel better already. :)

OP posts:
nunnie · 13/06/2012 21:46

I never did yoga and nothing hanged out. Bloatedness is normal in the early stages, worse in the evenings I suffered terrible wind.

Your friend seems to be full of that too.

Ignore sometimes people don't think. Your core muscles will be fine and nothing will be hanging out about from the normal pregnancy look which happens to all even those that do yoga I am sure.

monkeymoma · 13/06/2012 21:48

I did no yoga (like tried it about twice in my life) before having DS, didn't have a naked bump till 11 weeks, didn't have a through clothes bump till 16 weeks

did yoga very regulary before this pregnancy - instant naked bump/bloat! am 10 weeks and nearly as big as I was at 16 weeks last time! am worrying about how to keep it quiet tilll after the 12 week scan

so..

bettybat · 13/06/2012 21:51

thebetachimp do not listen to her. I did five years of a martial art where punching/kneeing to the gut is a specialty Hmm I went five times a week, we would do several hundred sit ups and planks and all sorts in order to be able to protect ourselves in sparring/fights. I also did a lot of gymnastics, which relies on a strong core.

I'm not saying this to boast but to demonstrate - I promise you, I looked proper pregnant at 9 weeks due to bloat. At 22+3, I look enormous!

It has nothing whatsoever with a strong core. Ignore her, she is a cowbag.

Tangointhenight · 13/06/2012 21:53

I did no exercise and didnt have a bump til 25 weeks, and even then it was just like a spare tire!

I felt bloated from about 15 weeks, just tender up until then.

Sittinginthesun · 13/06/2012 21:56

Agree, she is jealous.

Btw, I did lots of yoga - didn't help one bit. I had a very painful labour, and midwife reckoned it was all the yoga, because I was too tightBlush.

monkeymoma · 13/06/2012 21:56

(prior to this one I also did daily jillian michaels, and ran 5k 3 times a week, I'ld say my core was ace till progesterone got its hands on it.. with DS I was far less fit, couldn't do a plank to save my life! and was much neater that time!)

monkeymoma · 13/06/2012 21:57

"Btw, I did lots of yoga - didn't help one bit. I had a very painful labour, and midwife reckoned it was all the yoga, because I was too tight"

I know a dancer who danced all through her pregnancy and was told that her crappy birth was because she was too tight in the wrong places and hadn't let her muscles relax during pregnancy!

LePinot · 13/06/2012 21:58

It says everything about her and nothing about you. Congratulations on the baby

bettybat · 13/06/2012 21:59

monkeymoma Me too - I know a ballet dancer who that happened to.

I do ante natal yoga and pilates, and some swimming, but am mostly knackered. So don't do it a lot Wink

HRH1980 · 13/06/2012 22:12

I would just avoid her. I mean omg it would be like me going to lass in my office whos been trying for over 5 yrs and upsetting her by talking bout how quick ive taken to conceive!!! Which i deffo wont, i darent talk abou it to her cos she having a right time trying for ivf poor lass!

Babylon1 · 13/06/2012 22:15

Next time she says something mean/rude; use the old MN classic line on her;

"did you mean to sound so rude just then??"

See what she says to that Wink

Original poster
thebetachimp · 13/06/2012 22:25

Thanks Babylon1, I'll write that down next to the phone so I won't forget!

OP posts:
sunshinesue · 13/06/2012 23:59

I did LOADS of yoga but still had a little "bump" before I even got my bfp! That's what made me do the test. It's all bloat at this stage and muscle tone has bugger all to do with it. What a cow.

Clarella · 14/06/2012 09:56

Does she have a child her self? I have a single childless friend who likes to be the worlds authority on everything (and tends to be being a girly engineer university researcher sailing person who likes reading celebrity mags) and appears to also now be the worlds authority on pregnancy and child rearing. (the only thing I've found she doesn't know about is horses) She never quite gets that everyone's experiences, opinions and ideas are different and can be different and that's ok.

Original poster
thebetachimp · 14/06/2012 10:30

No, she doesn't want children herself, which is of course fair enough. I think I'm just going to keep clear of her for a bit while I'm hormonal and catch up with her again later in about 18 years.

OP posts:
DailyMailSpy · 14/06/2012 10:37

what is a plank? Confused

Your 'friend' is either ridiculously insensitive with no social skills, or she's a bit of an arse.

cakeladyc · 14/06/2012 11:46

Ignore and avoid, she clearly has no idea what she is talking about.
Before i was pregnant last year (but we were TTC), i bumped into an old work colleague and then first thing she said to me was 'Why aren't you pregnant yet?'
I ignored and have avoided contact with her since and i have considerably happier.

Congrats! :)

baileyslover · 14/06/2012 11:57

In my book it is an absolute no no to ask some one who you know is TTC whether they are pregnant. I wanted to wait until 12 week scan, but am a rubbish liar, so pleased no one asked me that early. I would definately avoid Smile

Clarella · 14/06/2012 12:06

In that case feel sorry for her that she really can't know what she's talking about and be slightly smug you are pregnant - avoid her if it makes it easier.

Also, I do/did quite intense yoga where we did loads of core stuff and as soon as I was pregnant (and only enquired at 4 weeks if it made any difference) my teachers went nuts about anything core linked, wasn't allowed, (i felt a bit stupid at 4 weeks but get it now) local preggo yoga only take after 16 weeks and also leave the core stuff well alone - its all backs, tailbone and legs. An ex Olympic judo champ (running a school club) said her abs were soooo strong they went into a sort of triangle on her stomach when pregnant and were never the same again and warned me against being too core strong when pregnant. I got a massive bump at 10 weeks, it then disappeared and only just beginning to reappear at 16 weeks.

The only muscles that matter are the pelvic floor ones!

mrsbugsywugsy · 14/06/2012 12:12

next time you see her, prod her in the belly and ask her if she's 12 weeks pregnant Smile.

I am 7 and a half weeks pregnant and my belly has already grown, possibly due to terrible wind (sorry tmi), despite doing yoga most days.

I asked DP if my dress looked tight this morning and he pulled the face which means 'yes but I'm too scared to say so'. Shock

timetosmile · 14/06/2012 12:21

I knw I was pregnant with DC3 just on the basis my clothes were getting tight, by 4 weeks! mind you, I DID have no core muscles by then Wink

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