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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Finding out gender, if you did not and you were glad for it would you please tell me more?

25 replies

sedgieloo · 13/06/2012 20:14

I found out last time. It was the right decision, it was my first baby. I had felt a bit disconnected with baby/pregnancy and it changed all of that and I got really excited and bonded with baby....I wont bore you any more!

This time I already feel that I have bonded and I don't have any boy/girl preference. I'm torn, I know how exciting it is to know and go shopping and daydream about the little boy/girl. I don't feel a desperate need to plan. But I AM curious!?

I'm wondering is it really a very special surprise/moment to find out on the day? Scan is Friday!

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Original poster

sedgieloo · 13/06/2012 20:14

DH is 50/50 on this too by the way.

OP posts:

Eggrules · 13/06/2012 20:21

We didn't want to know. It was a lovely surprise. We went to an antenatal group at the hospital I was only one of two mums out of ten that didn't know the sex of our baby.

I had an ECS and when the staff in theatre found out they rushed down the business end and joked around about who was going to reveal. It made the experience a more light hearted. It was exciting for us not to know.

I was surprised to have a boy. I didn't mind the gender but was convinced it was a girl.

bigbadbarry · 13/06/2012 20:23

I didn't find out any time - I've got three. Just didn't think I needed to (and for all the people who said "but what about shopping" I was very wtf as one doesn't have to brand one's newborn pink or blue). When they were born it actually wasn't the first thing we checked, either! We did remember eventually and there was something really special about finding out for ourselves rather than being told.

Mintyy · 13/06/2012 20:25

It honestly never occurred to me to find out the sex with either baby. I was just so extremely grateful to be pregnant and healthy. The sex of the baby seemed the least important thing about the whole shebang!

moogs1000 · 13/06/2012 20:33

Hi, I didn't find out with 1st and not with this one either, although have 3 more growth scans so hope I don't see anything! Think its exciting to not know and gives u something to tell people when you've had it other than weight and maybe name if not revealed it already.

ReportMeNow · 13/06/2012 20:43

It's just personal preference. For me, with the first two it was a lovely moment to get that surprise after labouring hard, especially when H said with dc2 "it's another boy" and was told by the mw to look again! With my 3rd dc I did find out as I had a gender preference and wanted to know so that the arrival was not marred by any negative feelings (or I worried there might be) and, as I agonised over dc2's name, and think even now I got it wrong, I wanted more time to live with dc3's name.

ReportMeNow · 13/06/2012 20:44

Obviously it's not that much of a surprise, given it's only one to two outcomes, but it's the not knowing! And a boy or a girl does change the balance in the house ime.

boohoohoo · 13/06/2012 20:57

I never found out with my 2, loved the excitement of its a ......... but I think its personal preference. Hoping for a miracle and no3, wont find out again.

SilentMammoth · 13/06/2012 21:01

I never have and I just find the not knowing part so exciting! I also ask the mws not to announce and let me find out for myself.

bettybat · 13/06/2012 21:04

I'm pregnant with my first - I really wanted to find out but DH persuaded me not to. Now I'm really glad we didn't. I much more focused on and excited by who they are going to be - what they're like - not what they are. I can't help but think that if I knew, I'd be pre determining by ideas about them based on their sex.

I'm not saying anyone who does find out does pre-determine those ideas about their DC, but it must play a part, on some subconscious level. It's very hard not to assign ideas to that kind of thing.

shrimponastick · 13/06/2012 21:04

I didn't want to find out at the scan.

Was quite happy to wait until the birth.

This was 14 years ago - only had the one scan at 20 weeks anyway. i think it is perhaps more commonplace nowadays that parents to be want to know the sex?

EyeoftheStorm · 13/06/2012 21:09

I have 3 DC and actively didn't find out for any of them. I would tell the sonographers I didn't want to know and look away when they were near the baby's sex.

There are so few surprises in life and I enjoyed all 3 of them.

But then, even as a kid, I would never peek at my christmas presents. I love a surprise!

urbanturban · 13/06/2012 21:23

You DO realise that's it's a surprise at 20 weeks too.....?!

MyMelody · 13/06/2012 21:26

I didn't find out with dc1, did find out with dc2. Now 31 weeks and don't know if its a girl or a boy, it just seemed right not to find out this time for some reason and in my honest opinion there is something lovely about not knowing and finding out at the birth, but it really is personal preference and only you can decide.

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 13/06/2012 21:30

I didn't find out until a few seconds after he was born.
Neither of us wanted to know, and quite frankly was sick of friends babies being referred to by name as if they were ready here eg 'me and Imogen have been out all day and we're exhausted' and 'Alistair is starving, I'd better feed him a cake'

I loved that DP was the one that told me we had a baby boy, but I didn't believe him the first time as I was convinced it was a girl!

We didn't share our chosen names either for the same reasons as above.

kaymondo · 13/06/2012 21:31

I didn't find out with DS and am now expecting DC2 and haven't found out again. I had it in my birth plan that I wanted DH to be the one to tell me what we'd had and I wouldn't swap that moment for the world. I also found that, as a lot of people do find out nowadays, other people were more excited about me giving birth as they wanted to know too, which was really nice. It's such a personal thing though - and I was more tempted to find out this time just so we could get DS more used to the idea, but am really glad now that we didn't.

marriednotdead · 13/06/2012 21:32

Another one here who feels like it would spoil the surprise like knowing what you're getting for Christmas. Almost did with DC2 as xp asked, but when we were in having the scan he wavered so the sonographer refused to tell.

Whenever people asked what I was having, I'd just say 'a baby hopefully!'

Original poster

sedgieloo · 13/06/2012 21:37

Thanks for all the replies, its really interesting to hear from those who have done both...found out and not found out and how it feels at the birth, not to know. I notice on OBEM that the parents seem no more/less excited if they don't know unless...they have a preference, which I do not.

Finding out can be great - I know that but I like what mymelody said (having done both with different pregnancies) about something special about finding out at the birth, I'm thinking I'd like to experience that and perhaps DH telling me - I imagine it might be quite a special moment to remember.

OP posts:

Fuzzywood · 13/06/2012 21:40

I liked the surprise, didn't find out with either of mine. I was still felt a bond with them, they had pet bump names which weren't gender specific. It also focussed my mind in labour as I was desperate to know 'what' they were. As for clothes and the like, we just bought white clothes and decorated rooms yellow and green. I found the masses of clothes we were given as presents soon inflated the stock in different colours.

Original poster

sedgieloo · 15/06/2012 16:49

Had great scan and didnt find out! Thanks all :)

OP posts:

MyMelody · 15/06/2012 17:28

Glad scan went well! Well done for holding your nerve and not finding out, it will be a lovely surprise!
I was sure I didn't want to find out this time but its such a temptation to ask at the scan I think! Glad we didn't though :)

DonnaDoon · 15/06/2012 17:44

20 Wks with DC4 here and not wanted to know for any of them. We also ask at birth for the sex not to be announced and take a peek for ourselves when the child is handed to us wrapped in a sheet/towel.

fruitpastille · 15/06/2012 17:45

A midwife admitted to me that it takes a bit of shine off the delivery when people already know. That's a bit different to a parents perspective though. I didn't find out. Was tempted but dh not keen. If i had a third i would still be tempted even though i have one of each. Some people who have a preference prefer not to know as they reckon they will be happy either way when they have just given birth. I didn't like the idea of the sonographer knowing when i didn't. I was told they don't look unless asked though.

justlemonade · 15/06/2012 19:10

We didn't find out first time until birth but second time round we asked at 20 weeks. I thought DD would like to know if it was a sister or brother but it turns out she doesn't give a stuff! I have been given oodles of stuff this time round - maybe that's because we know the gender?
I'm pleased we found out this time. I've a lot less headspace to think about the baby second time round and it's helped me connect more. If it were my first again, I'd wait until birth though.
Also I agree with boobs about people naming their bump prior to birth. I hate that habit and subsequently still have a shortlist of names for impending DD2.

BlingBubbles · 15/06/2012 19:16

Best surprise of our life not finding out, added to the drama of the delivery. It's funny as while I was pregnant I thought that during labour I would be wondering what we were having but I wasn't, when my DD was born I didn't even ask the mw what sex she was I was just so relieved baby was out and everything was ok and then when she told us it was a girl, my DH and I were gobsmacked as we thought she was a boy .... .

With my next one I wouldn't want to find out, but I kind of think I need to be a bit practical and see what things I can keep or get rid of but we shall see when the time comes.

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