Do you find you get offered a seat on the train?

[Londonmrss]

This morning on the tube, a really old fellow got on- so I offered my seat to him (figured he needed it more than me, he looked a bit wobbly)... Plenty of people saw, and yet no one then offered me their seat even though I?m obviously pregnant!

Just wondering if anyone has any observations on this. I live in London and commute every day in the rush hour, so I have a Baby on Board badge and these are the generalisations I would make so far, based purely on what I?ve observed in the last few months (I?m 20 weeks preggo now).

1. Generally someone will offer me a seat. Very occasionally I have been left standing, but more often than not someone will oblige.
2. For those who are interested in London-centric ideas- I find I am more likely to be offered a seat on the Northern or Central line than the DLR.
3. City boys in suits are the most likely to see me, pretend they haven?t and then go back to fannying around with their Blackberries.
4. Generally people in their 20s always offer a seat, in their 30s usually offer? and the most likely group to see and ignore me are the over 40s. So anyone who says young people have no manners can sod off.

Have previously been shocked and shouted at entire carriages of people for ignoring a pregnant woman- but I really feel less able to say anything now it?s me! But only a couple of times have I been left standing for the whole journey anyway- and if so, it has been very pointedly, I?m afraid.

Anyone else got any observations? I?m just interested.

When me and dh went for a scan at 34 weeks he sat down on the last available seat leaving me standing!! I actually had to say don't worry about me I'll just stand up before he realised and said oh yeah sorry I forgot you were pregnant....!

I remember being 7.5 months pg last time, on crutches due to severe spd & still having to stand up onhe train. This was from Leeds to my little town, usually for about 20 mins until it emptied a bit. Should have probably asked but was too shy. I was taught from being a child to always offer a seat to people who needed it more, some people have no manners or consideration!

I was recently on the tube and nobody offered me a seat except one lady in her 30's. A man in his 60's sat in one of the priority seats and he sat his 9ish year old grand daughter in the one opposite. Usually if someone is sitting in the priority seat I just stand very close with my bump in their face :)

I have to say - if I did feel unwell or faint I would have asked one of them to move. Failing that my Dp would have slung them out for me :)

In my experiences young men (not city slickers) student looking types in 20s-30s are brilliant at offering seats on the underground. I've found women of all ages to be awful. They look up see the displayed badge then do all they can to ignore me for the rest of the journey. The one exception I had of this was a woman in her 40s saving me a seat when others got off whilst loudly commenting "Stand right in front of the buggers and look them straight in the eye, love. Shame them into giving you a seat!"

I'm in London and have been offered a seat every time, bar once, on both tubes and buses since starting to show. In many instances two people offer. Andon the occasions wasn't offered the tube was packed so it would be hard or anyone to see my bump and I couldn't move down the carriage either.

Thank you Londoners!

I'm 20 weeks and have a badge and bump. I get the central line every day and have NEVER been offered a seat. On the occasions I feel hot or sick, I wait until someone is about to get off an then go for that seat. Often the other people who've had there eye in it make a huge fuss, huffing and sighing.

To be honest I blame TFL; the central line is so heaving that nobody wants to be crushed - you want to sit down so that you're out of the crush, rather than because you actually want to sit down.

The badge worked for me this morning, woohoo!!

I am nearly 25 weeks and luckily enough don't have to travel in rush hour every day as I work from home quite a bit. But I have been offered a seat every time I have been on the tube or train. I started showing quite early, about 14 weeks, so Ive never had to wear the baby on board badge.

I imagine it would be different in the height of rush hour though, when you can barely squeeze on the train as you wouldn't be able to get near the seats for someone to offer you.

I have to say, I've been impressed by how nice people are. I guess I've been lucky judging from some of your experiences above.

I'm 25 weeks - big bump and wear a badge. I commute from Brighton to London and my experiences have been mixed. If the train is so crowded then people genuinely don't seem to see me and I'm left standing. In general I think the Tube is much better, Londoners are well-trained! The worst bit is that the Brighton train calls at Gatwick so often the seats are taken up by bloody suitcases! Am dreading the commute during the Olympics.

During pg with DS the people whom offered their seat ( surprisingly fast) and would be upset for me was mostly teenagers with hoodies.
I now live near a considered rough part of Manchester. Again the teens are the onesoffering my elderly mum a seat and even helping her with her bags. They are by far, with their headphones, piercings, loud mouth language the best in helping me if a have any problem....

Why did you get up?!? They probably thought you gave him the seat as you were getting off soon. Were you wearing the "bump on board" badge?

I love my baby on board badge and find that it works pretty much every time. The one time that I didn't get a seat on the tube was when it was pretty crowded and there was no way that anyone could see my bump. South West Trains are pretty terrific in letting you sit in first class (if you're a season ticket holder) if there are no seats in cattle class.

I didn't expect or want to be offered a seat because pregnancy is not an illness! If I did have complications from it (which are often not visible from the outside anyway) like tiredness or SPD I would ask for a seat.

For all you know they could have some invisible disability themselves. And they could be assuming you don't want to be patronised and are perfectly capable of asking when you want something.

sc2987 I think the majority of us know that pregnancy is not an illness, but in some pregnancies people get tired and would like to sit down and sometimes its just nice to be nice.

"For all you know they could have some invisible disability themselves"

Possibly. But unlikely that the 20-odd people sitting near you all need to sit down.

There's a strong possibility that a pregnant woman is feeling more tired/sick/hot/dizzy than your average commuter.

Plus it's polite to offer your seat to someone who may need it more than you. Then can also refuse. I often refused if I was getting off at the next stop.

When I was feeling less sick, my other concern was my baby being bashed if I was standing. This is less of a risk when sitting.

Thechick I agree. In my case, I very much doubt that the waiting room in the maternity hospital with the dads and children sitting in the seats were suffering from debilitating illnesses that meant they all needed to sit down. Myself and another pregnant woman had to stand until one of them moved their arses and went into their scans with the partners/mums. Its just common courtesy really, I was raised to offer my seat to elderly people and pregnant women when I was a child, regardless of whether i were in a waiting room, a bus, train, wherever really.

I agree with Bart- on a busy rush hour train, when you're crammed in face to armpit, you get hit hard in the tummy by elbows, bags, laptops- and anything else.
I might not feel shit enough to need a seat, but do I always feel safe standing? No.

Surely if you need to sit down, you ask someone in one of those priority seats to move??

Clarella if you email TFL and say you'll be travelling to London soon, they will post you a badge :)

"excuse me but do you need this priority seat?" Love it!

what do you suggest fluffy? standing there and pursing your lips until someone moves?

As a rush hour Northern line commuter, and now pregnant myself (but only 14 weeks so not expecting a seat just yet), my thoughts are:

1. if you want to be offered a seat, please please wear a badge. Your bump is not as obvious (or as obviously pregnancy rather than pies) as you may think!

Having previously offered a seat by mistake to a non-pregnant woman I am now myself more cautious about seat offering.

2. If the badge doesn't work, and you really need to sit down, don't feel shy about asking. Many people may genuinely not have seen you/not have been sure if you were pregnant.

3. I only intend to wear a badge/ask for a seat if I feel I need it. If I feel well, I'm as able to stand as anyone else (in fact I could probably do with the exercise ) and probably more so than some non pregnant people.

Having said that, I am coming into work later to avoid the rush hour as I don't want to get squished. If I couldn't do that, I'd happily ask for a seat during the rush hour to avoid squish risk.

I wasn't criticising, gingerbread! :)

Yes, I am in my third trimester with an obvious bump, and I commute 20 miles to work and 20 miles back every day. I got on the train the other day (which is always very busy and cramped on the way back especially), and a man sat on two priority seats simply spread his legs across both seats! I was stood there struggling with my obvious bump in this little bay which was cramped full of people, and he just sat there staring at me as if to say 'what's your problem?'. I was so disgusted by how he was behaving, I waded through the crowd of people to find an alternative seat further down the train, which thankfully I was given by a woman. I have found that some people are extremely selfish. What on earth that man thought he would achieve by stretching his legs out across both priority seats, I have no idea!