Unplanned pregnancy - still feeling numb

[Cbell]

I posted about a week ago when I had received the surprising news that I am pregnant. A surprise because I thought I had a coil but after a bit of investigation it had apparently 'fallen out' without my knowing.

I have a DD (17 months) and a lovely DH and although we had talked about having another child it was somewhere off in the future - at the least a year away. Now I feel trapped. I am so lucky and have so much but am starting to feel like I exist on the periphery of my own life.

I conceived my (planned for) DD at the end of an MEd. My intention had been to get back into teaching as I'd taken a break to travel which turned into two years unemployment. Now with studying and my little girl it's nearly five years since I've worked. Before the surprise pregnancy I was starting to think about going back to work PT but now with the prospect of two children I wont be able to do this.

Work isn't everything to me but I am used to having goals and being able to achieve. I feel frustrated. I will have two children who will take me over and I'm not sure I can cope. I want to want this baby. I love my daughter. I have a happy marriage and a happy home but feel lost. My hubby is brilliant and tells me that what I am doing now has the greatest meaning but do others feel lost?

I'm worried I'm going to get post-natal depression. That I wont bond with baby and that I will lose patience with my daughter and not be able to parent her in the careful and loving way that I have be albe to do so far. I feel this pregnancy and my feelings of frustration are making me resent my daughter when we've only been happy together.

This is a long post but I am lost.

You are not alone. You are loved. You have already shown you can be a lovely mummy. You are providing your child with the joy of a sibling. You can work for the rest of your life - you don't have forever to do this. You can and will do it - just take one day at a time.

Hi OP. I kind of felt like you did with DD2. Actually I have completed bonded with her and it's all fine.

i don't follow why having another child means you can't work? I started a new job when DD2 was 9 weeks (2 days a week to start). It wasn't entirely by choice, we needed the money and DP's job isn't secure - but it has been okay. I even managed to keep up with bf - and am still mix feeding at 10 months. If childcare is too expensive could DP go part time for a while so you could work?

I think the problem is that I'm not sure I'm ready for or want another baby. I feel sick/ dizzy/ numb contemplating not going through with the pregnancy. There is nothing in my life stopping me from having this baby and being happy about the pregnancy but my stupid head.

If you don't want to have this baby, that is absolutely fine- morally and in every way. You do yourself and your current child the best you can by considering all your options. Not being ready is a perfectly acceptable justification for whatever you might want to do. You don't need to convince yourself that your actions are justified.
It is your body and your choice, and no one should tell you otherwise.
What I'm saying is whatever choice you make will be the right choice if it is right for you and your family.

Hi again Cbell. I do really recognise how you feel. It might seem difficult but it is important to realise that babies do not have to take over your whole life! It is easier with two kids in some ways, as they do entertain each other from when baby is quite little. I think early pregnancy is a pretty awful time anyway, with raging hormones as well.
Have you thought about having a word with your GP about this? It is possible to get ante-natal depression - and with a 17 month old you could rightly do with some additional support.