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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Gender pressure

22 replies

JubileeMcPhee · 05/06/2012 20:55

Is anyone else getting people saying, 'Oh I hope it's a boy/girl, because.....'

My cousin has just put on fb that she hopes it's a girl because she never had them, and loves buying girly things. Then in steps my sister....'oh me too'. So many people seem to be telling me or wishing I do have a girl.

I'm going to feel like I've let them down if it's a boy, but quite honestly I don't care what I have, as I never actually dreamt I'd ever get to be someones mummy.

Who else is feeling this gender pressure.

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StarlightMaJesty · 05/06/2012 20:58

Oh it's all daft IMO.

I had a boy first then everyone 'hoped' it was a girl and asked if it was a boy would we try again .

Well it was a girl.

Then we tried again and all we get is pitying looks, after all, we have one of each right?

Ignore!

And......congratulations on your pregnancy!

SwissArmyWife · 05/06/2012 21:05

Definitely ignore, it's silly of them to do it, no one has any power over what gender it is! More to the point they should just be happy that you're with child! I'm sure they don't mean to make you feel that way, though.
Maybe point out that you do feel a little pressured when they go on about it and they will probably understand :)

Original poster

JubileeMcPhee · 05/06/2012 21:08

I'm nearly 36 weeks and they are all getting worse. Everyone's getting over excited, and I wish they'd all just pipe down

And god, the amount of people who are shocked I've not already found out the sex

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FlashFlood · 05/06/2012 21:10

I have 4 brothers so when I was pregnant, people assumed that I was hoping for a girl so I'd "finally get the chance to let my feminine side out" . I told them that I really didn't care - I wouldn't have minded if I'd given birth to a puppy I was so excited. It was a girl, but people seemed to have misconstrued "I don't care" as "I really want a boy actually".

Our 3rd daughter is 6 months old and people are already asking when we'll start trying for a boy. I would hate to think that in the future dd3 will feel bad for being a girl because people tell her we wanted a boy.

blondiep14 · 05/06/2012 21:17

Have 2 DS's and am pregnant with DC3.
All my DH's family have said they want this one to be a girl, and my sisters keep going on about how they'd like a girl this time as they're bored of buying for boys!!
Everyone else is amazed we haven't found out yet and can't believe we aren't 'hoping for a girl'.
[Hmm] people eh?!

joby21 · 05/06/2012 22:07

yep, lots if pressure here too! It's my first but everyone seems to want us to have a girl. No idea why! We're not finding out and will be happy with either a boy or a girl or a whatever to be honest!!

Badgerina · 05/06/2012 22:10

I'm expecting DS2 and some people have actually expressed their disappointment about him being a boy

Others look searchingly at my face when I tell them "we're having another boy", just to see if they can discern any disappointment there.

It's so ridiculous. I'm having a (according to scans) healthy baby, and am crossing my fingers for a straight forward labour and birth.

If people expected an opportunity to buy dresses and pink stuff they can get themselves a doll

Original poster

JubileeMcPhee · 05/06/2012 22:15

Badgerina that's awful

A healthy baby is all any of us want. And people seem surprised I don't have a preference. Folk are weird. Ignore them.

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Cheekychops84 · 06/06/2012 09:05

Third girl on the way here! I found out as we had given most of our stuff away and working full time I wanted to b able to get some bits together without buying boring grey or cream ! When I told. People they jus kept saying your poor DP :( I bet he is upset, I bet he wanted a boy ? Well yes he would have liked a boy but when I tell them he is 1 of 14 and it took his mum till
Number 7 to have a boy they soon shut up ! :)

steben · 06/06/2012 09:20

Lots of pressure to have boy here - lots of girls in our family and already have DD - I also get upset that DD2 (if that is what she is) willl think one day that we wanted/had a oreference for a boy. Not at all nice.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 06/06/2012 09:25

Just ignore! Boy or girl baby will be loved by you more than anything. All that matters is that the baby is happy and healthy! :) just let them get on with it if it all matters so much to them. You just enjoy your beautiful baby and don't let others ruin your joy and remember there's always us lot here who will be thrilled for you too!!! :o

EarnestDullard · 06/06/2012 09:30

I've had it a bit from my parents; they were hoping DC2 would be another girl as they had two girls. We are having a girl (although the sonographer said she wasn't 100% sure and they'll confirm at another scan that I need at 34w). I just feel a bit sad knowing that they would have been disappointed if it had been a boy. I'm sure they would love any grandchild equally, but I still feel a bit . I think I just feel a bit weird about them stating a preference, like it's something that it's ok to think in private, but not say out loud. I'm probably just being silly/hormonal.

DizzyKipper · 06/06/2012 11:08

Not pressure so much but DH's family were so SURE that we were having a boy because SIL's fiance looked at the 12 week scan and had a feeling, followed by them showing the scan pic to a midwife who thought it was a boy and who was never wrong. They kept calling LO their "nephew" or "grandson" which really pissed me and DH off as 1. they're reasoning behind "knowing" it was a boy was completely bollocks and 2. what if we were having a girl? How on earth would she feel being referred to as a boy throughout the start of her life? We found it disrespectful to what was our possible girl.

SIL's 5.5 weeks behind me and they were all sure she was having a girl for the same sort of reasons, until the 20 week scan when several of them thought they saw tackle. Now they all think that I'm having a girl and she's having a boy (and MIL keep hinting and trying to get us to agree to a middle name we don't like for a girl). It's maddening.

DizzyKipper · 06/06/2012 11:10

*their not they're!

Zay04 · 06/06/2012 11:23

When i was preggars my sister kept going on about how she wished it was a girl...in a nice way. But I had a boy, an she could not be more loving towards him...don't worry about what other people say, as long as you have a healthy baby your fine. X

cakeladyc · 06/06/2012 14:52

I'm due to have a girl and my sister said 'oh i really hoping for a boy' which really annoyed me.
And my so called best friend said 'oh thats good, i dont think your DH would be too good with a boy' WTH is that all about? Because he like winding her son up she thinks he couldnt cope with his own? Thats the one comment thats really got my goat so far...

whatsoever · 06/06/2012 15:05

When I was born, I was the first girl on either side of the family (my mum has 5 nephews and my dad had 3 and has had another since, plus my little brother) so the pressure must have been immense on my mum.

Luckily, my generation have had a right mix so far (4 boys, 2 girls) so I don't think anyone cares. And if they did they wouldn't say it to my face!

Alligatorpie · 06/06/2012 15:16

We only have girls in my family, my four female cousins and I have all had 2 girls each ( well, I am pg with dd2 - but I haven't told them yet) - the male cousins have all had partners give birth to one girl/one boy.

If people ask what I am having / want, I usually say dd1 would like a girl, but dh and I don't care. And then I stare at them and remind them this is something I have no control over. So far I haven't had any unwelcome comments.

CountryKitty · 06/06/2012 16:35

I am one of 4 sisters, and we all have had girls, with the exception of one baby boy- the first to be born in our family for over 60 years. The sister with the boy thinks (genuinely) that he is superior to all the girls and thinks it a shame that we don't all have boys too.

I'm pg with number 3 at the mo (have 2DD) and after 2mc really just want a healthy baby. I also have one sister experiencing trouble conceiving who finds these comments on gender preference incredibly hurtful and insensitive. I think that people really should engage their brain before saying such stupid and superficial things! Goodluck with the rest of your pg. x

EggsMichelle · 06/06/2012 19:09

My Nan is adamant I'm having a boy, she is knitting blue things to make sure its a boy. My parents have asked politely that I make sure it's not a boy as they are "horrible things"/ want to spite my Nan. Luckily my inlaws will be happy with anything, they are a massive extended close knit family and no shortage of boys or girls!!!

NeedlesCuties · 06/06/2012 19:48

The last female to be born in my husband's family was born 60 years ago!

We have a DS who is the light of our lives and we'd both be just as happy if DC2 (due in August) is a boy too.

However, because of the complete lack of females we've had a few comments from friends and family about wishing for a girl. Really not sure where that all comes from, as if girls are some sort of doll object to be dressed up and paraded about. I don't understand it!

newtonupontheheath · 06/06/2012 20:11

Both my sister and SIL have one boy and one girl. We have one boy and I'm pregnant with dc2 so everybody has "assumed" we are having a girl, and that we will be disappointed if we don't!!

In reality, I don't care. I'd quite like ds to have a brother close in age, but a girl would be lovely too. Chances are, it'll be one or the other

I think, by the time a baby arrives and you are adapting to being its mummy, it doesn't actually matter whether it's a boy or a girl. And by the time it may make a difference (activities, interests etc) your baby is your baby/toddler is yours and you are completely in love!!

For what it's worth, I'm worried about not knowing what bits to wipe etc if we do have a girl....but that's about it!

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