His family

[silvachick]

I am 13 weeks with my first and I am really starting to stress about OH's family. His mother hates me I don't know why. I am not included in family gatherings or invited in the first place.
I am dreading my baby being involved with his family and mother in particular. They are so much more different to my own very loving and inclusive family.
At the moment the mother is angry I'm pregnant - she is too young to be a gran! (in her mid 40s). She is an untrustworthy person who lies at every opportunity. There are lots I know about her that my OH does not. She smokes hash every day and drinks a lot. I do not want my baby being left alone with her ever. My OH wants her involved. It's causing me a great deal of stress - am I being uptight over nothing?
Sorry for length if post!

No your not being uptight at all, you should tell your partner all about her(as long as your 100% sure preferably with some proof) and explain why your child will have nothing to do with her, Also be glad she hates you it says far more about her than it does you!! Good luck and don't let it stress you out to much!

I just can't help it stressing me - must be the hormones. My OH knows a lot of her faults but still wants her involved. She wasn't a good parent to him and his sister. I am of the opinion not to bother flogging a dead horse but it's still his mum I suppose

I have just found out I'm pregnant. The baby wasn't planned and my boyfriend is only 24 (I'm 29). When he told his mum she got really angry, said we were fucking idiots and that I should have an abortion. I already had the feeling she didn't like me very much, unfortunately I think she's going to be one of those who wants to be the most important woman in her son's life so I think things are going to be very strained between us. I'm hurt by what she said but not very surprised.

Like you my own family are very different, I told my mum and brother this afternoon and they were really happy for me! It upsets me because I would like the child to have a lovely welcoming family on both sides but it seems unlikely at the moment. I just hope she will soften when the baby arrives. I agree with you about not leaving the baby with your partner's Mum considering what you've told us about her. Sorry you are in this horrible situation. Have you considered going to counselling with your partner to understand each other's point of view better?

Trust your instincts and STEER CLEAR. This woman sounds toxic (in more ways than one). Talk to your partner. It's about the 3 of you now - you, partner and baby. He needs to understand why you have such issues with his mum. Frankly, since you're already ostracised by his family, I'm shocked his eyes haven't already been opened

Happea - it's not nice when it's meant to be one of the happiest times in your life. I hope it all goes well for you. People really should keep their mouth shut if they can't think if anything good to say - abortion indeed how dare she!

Badgerina - I think he really understands as he is under no illusions about her. He thinks she is going to change I really really doubt it. I don't think just because it's family you should forgive everything. I have a good one though so maybe it's different for me. It's all very very different from the family ideal I had in mind since I was young!