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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Midwife upset me yesterday

15 replies

mumof3littlemonkeys · 26/05/2012 08:43

Just wanted to get this off my chest cos Ive been upset since yesterday. Realise that I am over tired; v hormonal and sensitive and way too hot so probably making a mountain out of a molehill.

Went to the midwife appointment yesterday (33 weeks) and saw a temp midwife. When she felt my tummy she made me feel like a freak as she felt the babys leg or something and was like ooh I dont like feeling body parts and made faces like it was something disgusting. Then made the point of repeatedly saying it was because my muscles were so weak (they are weak; 3rd pregnancy in five years) but she made me feel like crap. Say it once but dont spout it over and over again.

Then she went onto say Im going to have lots of problems and really struggle in the next few weeks (how can she predict this and also Ive had a really stressful pregnancy all the way and am having CBT to try and reduce my anxieties due to a previous bad birth so I need to try and stay positive and dont need to feel any worse and worry about things which might not happen). I feel like it's one thing to mention something which she has noticed or something which is likely to happen but to just say a general oh your in for a crap time and then show me the door is not helpful.

Then she worried me by saying that the hospital will be concerned that if my waters break then the baby will be coming out of me strangely. Shes head down and in the same position as she has been at every appointment for the last 4/5 weeks.

I was only in the appointment for about 5 mins and didnt feel comfortable talking to her about the strong period pains which I have been getting all the time- every day and getting stronger. Sure that they are braxton hicks/body getting ready but have the feeling that baby might be a few weeks early.

Really missed my usual midwife who is straight up. Clearly explains things and positive.

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sparklekitty · 26/05/2012 08:53

Sounds very unhelpful. Can you call your normal midwife and have a chat with her? Well done for staying positive, I wonder if she meant you might struggle because of the hot weather? (I guess all pregnant ladies are feeling it) I reckon your best off trying to forget her and look forward to your next midwife appointment.

willyoustillloveme · 26/05/2012 08:57

She sounds as helpful as a chocolate teapot. Can you make another appointment with your usual mw? Have you tried the natal hypnotherapy cds, made a massive difference to my 3rd birth.

something2say · 26/05/2012 09:14

I would maybe think about complaining actually. She won't make that mistake again!!! She needs to know if her bedside manner is making her clients feel bad, and so do her managers. You shouldn't be coming out of an appt feeling upset!!!

So with that in mind, I think feeling body parts inside a baby bump would be magic. Thats what its all about!!! I bet you look great. I baby will turn in time and second births are often easier than first (no babies here mind!) so take it easy and forget what she said. Book another appt and tell them you were upset x x x

SwissArmyWife · 26/05/2012 10:10

Oh she's obviously just a sour old cow (or young)
Just ignore her, with my first pregnancy I was passed around 4 different midwives and a couple of different HV's. They were all horrible bar one and I had a fantastic birth!

Make a complaint, and arrange an appointment with your normal midwife, bring up the things this one said and get her opinion.

All the best :)

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 26/05/2012 10:15

Oh that sounds horrible :(

I'd report her too - she needs to change jobssome serious re-training at the very least.

As others suggested, try to forget about the stupid cow and book another appoinment with your regular MW.

rhibutterfly · 26/05/2012 10:21

agree with others, try to get in to see your usual midwife asap and report the stupid temp, i've had one of these too, she told me my Spd was normal pregnancy niggles,i had been through pregnancy before so knew it wasn't normal, silly woman.

ItsMyLastOne · 26/05/2012 13:59

I agree that you should complain. They are all very strange things to say to you, and no one should be leaving a mw appt feeling like that.

And I don't understand what's wrong with feeling body parts. Did she mean that she finds it a bit freaky? Or that they're not where she'd expect? I don't get it. With my DD I could quite clearly feel her limbs etc from much earlier than 33 weeks. No mw I saw ever commented on that. I think it jus made it more obvious what position she was in.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and your birth.

PinkPepper · 26/05/2012 14:06

I can feel definite legs and this is my first, my stomach muscles are normal as far as I'm aware

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 26/05/2012 14:12

I'm sorry she upset you but I don't really think you would have much grounds for complaint. Sounds like a case of you didn't care for her manner and personality. She doesn't appear negligent in anyway.
That's just human nature that you won't get on with everyone.
You like your regular MW so just see her, or call if you have concerns about your wellbeing.
Good luck

willyoustillloveme · 26/05/2012 16:14

joseph oh thats ok then

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 26/05/2012 17:34

Not saying being upset by someone is ok, I'm just saying it sounds like a personality clash. With lots of midwives and lots of pregnant ladies it's inevitable that not everyone will get on.

ItsMyLastOne · 26/05/2012 18:54

I don't think it's a personality clash. Can you actually imagine anyone being happy with that kind of treatment?

Original poster

mumof3littlemonkeys · 26/05/2012 20:02

I don't think it was a personality clash. Think she was insensitive and just wanted to rush me through.

itsmylastone she took the tone that it was freaky to feel the babys body parts. I know my tummy muscles are weak as this is my 3rd baby in 5 years but it looks like a fairly normal pregnant belly to me.

I dont know if I would complain or not. More wanted to vent on here because I was upset and annoyed. Like a PP said she was not negligent. Just had a weird manner to her.

Ive got a consultant appointment on monday so I can talk about the pain that Im getting then. Just trying not to stress over any of the things which she said cos at the moment Im feeling pretty vulnerable over this pregnancy as it is.

Really makes me appreciate the care that my normal midwife gives me- shes wonderful.

OP posts:

catonlap · 27/05/2012 09:26

Seems she made a weird career choice! If you have a problem feeling body parts then why choose to be a midwife

Midgetm · 27/05/2012 11:16

I had a midwife telling me she didn't like the medical stuff, she just like cuddling babies. This was when i had a low birth weight, tube fed baby and a PPH. So she was as useful to me flip chocolate teapot. The same midwife also told me how I didn't want to be induced and all the really bad things that would happen to me if I was. This subtle chat was less than 12 hours before my induction (for which I had been told I had zero choice about if I wanted to guarantee a live baby at the end if it.) I was like thanks for your really helpful advice. I didn't complain, but I did want to slap her every time I saw her subsequently. 3 babies in such a short time is a blessing and I'd take slightly looser muscles for that any day. She clearly doesn't think before she speaks. I would vent on here and then get to see a decent midwife As soon as poss and tell her about your cramps. Sometimes people can be right arses.

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