Strange reaction to 20 week scan (very annoyed with myself)

[Spice17]

Hi all

I had 20 week scan yesterday, baby all healthy and progressing well as far as they could see, delighted to see it moving around on screen as well as feeling it now.

I was abosloutely 100% convinced that we were having a boy (secretly felt I wanted a girl in some ways but would have ultimately been happy either way) had a name and 2 middle names all sorted and you've guessed it, she's a little girl.

The odd thing is, I thought it's what I wanted but I feel a bit flat (and now terrible for feeling like it) Don't really know why but just so convinced was a boy, I'm struggling to get my head around it and feel a bit teary.

Also sis in law is 6 weeks ahead of me and having a girl, so maybe I thought one of each woudl be nice? No idea why I'm having this reaction :(

Also worrying randomly about how girls are 'supposed' to act in our society and how they can be treated unfairly, and what her future will hold.

Feel bad for treating my little girl as a boy and wondering when I'll get my head around it? We're telling people and that's odd too, people have asked if DH is is disappointed and my Mum has said her parther will be (Um - I don't give f**k about that, thanks)

Give yourself a break. I wanted a girl but convinced myself it was a boy do as not to be disappointed.
Hormones don't help either.
Your get your head round it, go and buy first outfit (girls clothes are nicer IMO)

I think no matter what you get, part of the flat feeling is due to letting go of what you didn't get IYSWIM.

I have DS1 (14 mo) who is the absolute light of my life. Found out 10 week ago that DC2 is another little boy. Although I was over the moon to be having another, since my son is so wonderful, I did have a period of thinking 'that's it then, I'll never be mother to a daughter.' I think it's natural. When she arrives I guarantee you will think she is the most splendid girl on the face of the earth and you wouldn't trade her for a tribe of boys!

I've been upset every time I found out what we were having. I wanted a boy the first time and knew that he was but I still burst in to tears. My second I knew it was another boy and was happy but again felt distraught after. My third I knew it was a girl but quite wanted another boy and was gutted again. I've got no idea why!
Give yourself a couple of days to get used to it and go and buy something very girly and lovely and you'll be fine!

Be kind to yourself - you've had a shock! The same thing happened to me, except for the fact that I guess I was pleasantly surprised at the 20 wk scan having called her him all along. I wasn't disappointed, but it felt like the baby I saw at 20 weeks wasn't the baby I saw at 12 weeks at all. She felt like an impostor even. In my case I think I secretly did want a girl but was so convinced she was a boy that I didn't even entertain the idea. Even though I was really happy it took me a good week to get used to the idea. Give yourself time. SHE will be so special because whatever gender, she's yours. And yes, buy her something special and girly now. Indulge! (When you're ready.)

First time I was pregnant I had split up with the dad and was certain I wanted a daughter, I felt we would 'know' each other better and she would be more 'mine' or something I think. I was worried about how i would feel if the baby was a boy. Anyway, he was a boy. And the minute I saw him all of that just disappeared and he was exactly himself, exactly as he was supposed to be (helped by the fact he was the most beautiful baby who had ever been born of course )

This time me and dh found out early as you can that he was another boy and I can't wait to meet him but after last time I had realised that for me, it really, really didn't matter either way. We found out because dh was certain he was a girl! But he is very excited to meet his son.

TBH if you do feel you want one or the other- its nice to find out at 20 weeks then you have tons of time to adjust.

We were exactly the same in that I wanted a girl but was totally convinced I was having a boy. At scan found out it was a girl and I was delighted but felt a twinge for the bpy who no longer existed . I think this is pretty common - on our board (Due Oct 2012 #5) we are all having 20 week scans this month so lots of mixed feelings about gender but once people get their heads round it they are happy again :)

Oh - and we had great boy names picked, haven't a clue where to start with girl names!

Odd isn't it? When pregnant with dc2, I already had a dd and if given the choice I would have chosen to have a ds 2nd time round, just because it's the one I hadn't had yet iyswim. I wasn't really bothered though and would have been happy with a girl too. I found out I was indeed having a ds at the 20 week scan and I felt really odd about it. Not unhappy but not happy. Just a bit blue and flat about it all. I wandered round Sainsbo's looking at the boys clothes, looking back at the girls clothes and just shaking my head. It seemed unreal.

I do think it's just letting go of the child you won't have. It passes.

I spent 42 weeks convinced dd was a boy when she came out I was shocked for about five seconds and then over the moon happy.

I did think I wanted to find out this time but after reading I'm not so sure. I think it would be lovely to have a boy and I think it's a boy but I love dd so much another girl would be wonderful.

Don't worry op as soon as she comes out you will know her and love her just as much as you thought you would before you found out.

The advantage of not finding out (not that I had any choice in the matter) is that you get to find out when you are likely to be most happy with whatever you are told.

20 weeks of "adjusting" to the gender or 2 seconds of surprise followed by utter delight at your new baby?

I know what I'd take, although there is always the risk that you will still be disappointed when the baby arrives.

PLease don't worry, you will get your head around it and be excited.

But it has proven that finding out was right for you I guess... especially if you'd convinced yourself it was a boy!

Can I just say that my DD (who I also had convinced myself was a boy) is perfect (biased much? ) and is much adored (helps that she's extremely tiny so everyone just wants to cuddle her all the time! She's the size of a 12 month old even though she's 3 in 2 weeks!).

You will adore your little girl. Go out shopping, look at the little girl clothes and the excitement will take over!

SOH always posts my exact thoughts on these threads, much better than I could. Finding out the sex closes a door, and it's OK to ponder on that, no matter how happy you are with the one that remains open. I had no preference whatsoever and really don't like strongly gendered baby stuff but still wandered round feeling a bit glum after finding out the sex.

It sounds like you are experiencing fairly common feelings. This is part of the reason why we decided not to find out the gender, because when you are pregnant you are thinking of the 'idea of' a boy and the 'idea of' a girl and not the reality of the brand new human being that has just arrived, only one characteristic of which is sex.

I don't have a strong preference for either gender, though my DH would like a son but our first choice for a girls name is my suggestion, whereas our first boys choice is his so Id be pretty chuffed with a girl where names are concerned I also feel a bit protective of our possible girl because of his preference IYSWIM - that said, he assures me he will love our baby regardless.

The 'idea of' a boy versus the 'idea of' a girl also rubs me up the wrong way as a feminist. So I'd rather find out when I've got an actual baby to get to know, rather than the gender expectations society imposes upon us.

Another one here who is baffled by the need to colour-code babies by sex. Our bedroom is blue (my choice!) though, so bedding is likely to be blueish to match the room regardless of baby's sex.

I was convinced this one was a boy and even had dreams about giving birth to a boy. We had boys names ready but no girls names (couldn't come up with any) and we're having another girl. Realistically we're better off with a girl. Dd1 wants a sister and we still have her old clothes. We currently live in two bed house so it means there's no pressure to move house.
I am thrilled to be having another daughter as dd1 is so nice and I'm sure they'll be good friends...
But there is still something that makes me a little sad that I (and oh) will never have a son. It doesn't mean you don't want your girl or that you're disappointed with her, it's just that you had your mind focused another way. I think that's part of the reason why it's good to wait until the birth.
In terms of gender stereotypes, I hate them also. My job is a traditionally 'male' occupation and even now females are a minority. I always wear trousers (hate dresses and skirts -how can you run/climb etc in a skirt?) play football etc. I really cannot stand the fact that everything is either pink, blue or cream and why do the girls things all have to be frilly? I have succumbed this time an bought some pink things but she also has blue and other colours.

I felt exactly the same when I was told about my DD in last pregnancy, I don't know why, who knows if you wouldnt have been the same knowing you are having a boy?

Well now I wouldn't have it any other way! I love having a DD after all that worry!

surely there is an acceptable/understandable sense of disappointment involved in saying goodbye to the sex you won't have, iyswim?

i mean i'm sure there are people who genuinely don't care either way, but i think it's quite ordinary to feel odd/sad about the baby you won't have, before you move on to being excited about the baby you will have.

i certainly have had wobbles about having [what appears to be] a girl. but i would have had wobbles about having a boy too.

don't feel too annoyed with yourself, i think you're experiencing something quite normal really.