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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

When can I admit defeat?

22 replies

NauseousKitty · 23/05/2012 12:58

I am 31+5 and I am already starting to flag. It's not been a difficult pregnancy by any means, other than the nausea, slight insomnia and general feeling of tiredness, but I am starting to feel inadequate as so many people are telling me how they 'never missed a beat' or 'worked up until the day before their D-Date'.

Saw the midwife yesterday and she said I looked tired and worn out and was there any flexibility in my maternity start date. I am already taking three weeks beforehand and don't really want to take any more as money is a definite consideration and my mat cover hasn't even been appointed yet!

Sorry for the rant, I am just feeling low and want some other Mummy-to-be advice please.

Thank you! x

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SoupDragon · 23/05/2012 13:00

Has your MW checked your iron levels?

Original poster

NauseousKitty · 23/05/2012 13:20

Had bloods done a couple of weeks ago but nothing has come back. Assume that they are fine. I have also developed gestational diabetes, which is probably not helping.

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ThatllDoPig · 23/05/2012 13:23

Only you know how you feel, doesn't matter what other people say or do. If you need to leave early, then do it. Your health, you and baby are more important than any job. Thats what I think anyway. I left early as I needed to. I was teaching, and was getting very very tired. My head was terrible. She said I should stick it out and that women had healthy babies in concentration camps!!! People will always have (weird) opinions.

Original poster

NauseousKitty · 23/05/2012 13:32

Thank you. You are right. And your head sounds awful - does she have kids?!

Someone at work (who is childless) just told me that women in China give birth in the paddy fields while they are working and just 'get on with it'. I retorted that I am a Western princess and laughed it off, but it all adds to the general feeling of inadequacy!

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nickelbarapasaurus · 23/05/2012 13:35

i wouldn't assume they're fine.

i only ever got told my blood results at my next appt - so basically too late to do anything

your GD will very likely be adding to how you feel.

you need to take it easy.

you are not inadequate. you need to look after yourself. remember the baby is a parasite - taking everything from you to make sure of its survival.
that means you need to take extra care of yourself.

misslinnet · 23/05/2012 13:39

Try to ignore the people going on about working up to the due date.

Every pregnancy's different, and if you feel that you need to take more time off, then go for it.

I finished work at 33 weeks.

Sarahmarie2505 · 23/05/2012 13:41

Hello kitty i can totally sympathise although I don't have GD so that's
Must make u feel really yuck :( I have got 4 weeks left and it feels like miles away I will b 35 weeks by then but that is a lot earlier then I had planned! Was originally looking at 38 weeks but I jus won't b able to do it! I'm so tired only slept for an hour last night :( got 2 other dc's aswell it's so hard ! If u have to give up early u may just have to admit defeat? Can u not get signed off for a week or something?

mumof3littlemonkeys · 23/05/2012 13:44

I agree with what all the other posters have said! It is important that you look after yourself and you are definetly not inadequate.

I am nearly 33 weeks pregnant with my 3rd and feel horrendous. even getting dressed seems to be a challenge

Original poster

NauseousKitty · 23/05/2012 13:50

Thanks again. I will definitely follow up on my bloods with the GP, just to make sure.

The midwife did say that she needs me to be rested before putting my body through the trials of labour and that maybe three weeks wasn't long enough to recover if I feel rubbish. Nearly cried.

I will take the advice. Take it easy, look after myself and see how I feel in the coming weeks. I've just always wanted to be Superwoman!

OP posts:

theressomethingaboutmarie · 23/05/2012 14:17

This, 'women in China/Africa/wherever have their babies whilst at work and just carry on' thing is really bloody annoying. I'm supposing that those who spout this tripe don't give a second thought as to the infant and maternal mortality rates in such scenarios. It is NOT admitting defeat to go on mat leave earlier or to arrange some flexible working to cope. Listening to your body and instincts are the most important things that you can do during pregnancy. Take it as easy as possible!

Bartiimaeus · 23/05/2012 14:43

Definately rest! In this country (not UK) state maternity leave starts 6 weeks before the due date (which to be fair is a week later than the UK due date) as they say they have fewer birth/post-natal problems when the mother rested before the birth.

Be warned though - don't feel guilty if you start feeling better! I ended up stopping work 10 weeks before my due date (although I gave birth 2.5 weeks early) because it was the summer holidays. I felt SOOO much better once I wasn't working! To the point that I felt guilty and that I should be in work...it was only when the fog of pregnancy/birth/newborn baby lifted that I realised that the reason I felt better was BECAUSE I wasn't working and that to have gone back would have been a huge mistake.

Hope you feel better soon.

Fishandjam · 23/05/2012 15:50

kitty, I can totally sympathise! I am 34+3 and have felt like death for several weeks. I finish work next week (can't WAIT) and it's been a struggle - I've "worked from home", gone home early etc a lot.

Although my iron levels were tested as OK, I did start taking Spatone - and I don't know if it's the placebo effect or if there's actually a physiological effect, but I do feel a bit better. But I am taking things soooo easy it's not true.

Just because some women have easy pregnancies, it doesn't mean all women do. Listen to your own body and do what you need to. More to the point, it's not a competition - if you're having a rough time it doesn't mean you've "failed" or are "inadequate".

flagnogbagnog · 23/05/2012 15:52

Hi kitty

I can totally sympathise with you! I'm also 31+5 today so we share the same due date. I'm so tired it's silly and im not working! I closed my shop at the end of feb so have been home with my eldest 3 since then.

It's as if I've hit a bit of a 'wall' lately and am just existing until baby comes. I can not wait now, itching for labour to come.

I did work right up until about a week before with my last one. It was hard but I managed. Just be careful, if it gets too much, your health is more important than saving your leave.

nickelbarapasaurus · 23/05/2012 15:55

35 weeks is recommended.

Original poster

NauseousKitty · 23/05/2012 17:21

Thanks everyone - this has really helped. I just didn't want to let my boss down as she has been really supportive. But realistically, baby and me have to come first.

Mumsnet is great!

OP posts:

MockCroc · 23/05/2012 18:09

I don't know whether this helps, but I felt absolutely hideous at about your stage. At about 31 weeks I felt like I had hit a complete brick wall and was tearful and exhausted. I spent one whole afternoon asleep in bed, which is NOT like me at all. I am now 35+5 and, although hardly sprightly, am feeling a bit better and have been for a couple of weeks. I am still working (just about - mat leave starts end of next week but I am able to "work from home" a fair bit). Could you consider taking a couple of days off sick to see whether you come through it if you are reluctant to start mat leave early? It's a really difficult juggling act this stage and I am heartily sick of people telling me about how they were functioning unimpaired until the moment the baby dropped. I think there is a healthy dose of rose tinted spectacles involved in those sorts of stories... Truth is being heavily pg is crap, particularly when it's hot!! Good luck.

KnockedUpMell · 23/05/2012 18:19

I stopped work at 32w last time. Had a month of annual leave to take, and DS came at 37w so I was just 1w into may leave. There's no way I could have physically continued. This time round my job comes to its natural end at 26w, and I'm planning to enjoy the few weeks I have with just DS before the chaos strikes! All women / pregnancies are just different. It's not a competition!

justlemonade · 23/05/2012 18:25

With my first pregnancy I felt like this. I left work at 33 weeks all of a sudden because one day I decided I'd had enough and couldn't go on! This time round, I'm working until 36 weeks (next week), and feel like I could go on maybe. Listen to your body and stop if you are struggling. The most important thing is for you to feel rested and well, because labour and then a new born will certainly put you through your paces.

I know a surprising amount of people who have given birth the night / weekend they finished work for mat leave. I speculate that it's because they've pushed themselves a bit hard!

lalabaloo · 23/05/2012 18:40

I felt awful during pregnancy, I finished for mat leave at 30 weeks as I just couldn't carry on, if you feel really bad can you speak to a manager at work and request some help? I know its horrible having to leave earlier than you planned but your health is important too

sharklet · 23/05/2012 18:47

I am 32wks right now and feeling much like you. It is so Hot here too I am exhausted just by the school run, let alone full time work. Luckily I am self employed so have just been turning down jobs.

Late pregancy is exhausting and really it is different for everyone. Do what works for you xxxx

Optimism · 23/05/2012 19:21

My mum was telling me the other day about how she felt she had to 'carry on regardless' and thought she oughtn't to make a fuss when she was pregnant with my older sister (her first child). She ended up with toxemia caused by high blood pressure, had to spend the last month of her pregnancy in hospital and have my big sis induced early.

I'm not trying to tell horror stories but her point was that you should listen to your body. If it's telling you you're tired, you need to rest! Ignore what anyone else thinks or says - it's none of their business. As you say, baby and you have to come first.

lotsofcheese · 23/05/2012 20:38

hi there - sorry you're feeling so rotten.

Just to ask: how well-controlled is your diabetes? The reason I ask is that high blood glucose levels can make you feel terrible - utterly exhausted. Things can change quite quickly with glucose levels in pregnancy. Also babies tend to be delivered slightly easrly in GDM - around 38 weeks - so that might influence your plans- might be worth discussing with your care team.

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