Dont know what to do, very confused - Help needed

[Bungalowsrule]

Im so sorry to people who read this who are happily pregnant. I just want to say that this hasnt happened out of carelessness. Im on the pill and we had sex once last month!

Ive just got a BFP (well 6 actually, just checking). Im not thrilled.

DD is 11 months old and isnt sleeping through, DP works hard to support us as im at uni. DD was a huge suprise and i found out i was pg when id just started my 2nd year. We were excited and looked forwards to her arriving, i did my exams at 36 weeks, moved house at 37 weeks and DD came at 38 weeks. She is such an easy baby, very happy, always smiling and has made us soooo happy.
I took a year out of my studies to care for her, im due back to finish my 2nd year next monday.

This baby will be due on my 30th birthday, ill be half way through my 3rd year at uni and its a very demanding degree (NHS course) where im expected to be on placement 4.5 days a week. I wont be able to take maternity leave so baby will have to go to childminders at a very young age.

My mom will go spare (i know im nearly 30) she has been a massive support to us since DD came along but she keeps telling me 'dont have another baby yet, get your career sorted' its like her bloody mantra!

Im only about 5 weeks so its early days but we dont know what to do. Its a horrible situation that i never thought i would be in. I dont really want to face the idea of an early medical termination but when we talk its where we come back to time and time. We are totally skint, DD has some minor health problems so we want to concentrate on her and i have no idea how we would pay for childcare.

I could possibly do my 3rd year part time, but then thats 2 more years of being skint.

I know its wierd asking total strangers their opinion on our situation but we are so up in the clouds at the moment that we cant make a decision.

I suppose im asking what would you do? I cant talk to anyone in real life, all my friends are judgy pants.

Thanks

Could you not postpone your third year for a bit longer? I remember when my friend was doing nursing there were 3 intakes a year iirc.

My sister fell pregnant in her second year (finished that year when she was about 26 weeks) and took a year out. When she went back she got a lot of financial help, although she did have to do lots of waiting around for payments to come through. Could you look into what you'd be entitled to from the government and/or the university?

If you really don't think you can cope with it all then maybe a termination is the answer. It would be very sad and difficult to do, but if it will make everything better for your family then maybe that's what you need to do.

This must be a very difficult time for you and I hope you can work out the best option for you to be happy.

I'm sorry you are in this situation.

Do as much reading as you can about your situation. You might want to see your doctor to talk about options and to see what counselling is available for you. It is important that you make the right decision for yourself - termination may be the best option but it can't be something you are forced or pressured into. Good advice is to think about percentages - how much of you is happy to go one way or another. The answer will come to you but in the meantime be kind to yourself and I will be thinking of you.

Thank you ItsMyLastOne

The degree only has one intake a year, id have to either start late september full time and graduate next June or start part time and graduate in 2 years. That would mean doing 3 days per week.

I will get financial help, help with childcare costs and a healthy monthly bursary - but thats only if i go back full time, i dont get help if i go back part time (as far as im aware)

I could take another year out, but then we would be solely relying on DP for money and although he works hard and has a good job we would really, really struggle and would have to move.

Its my dream job, ive given up a lot to do the degree. We sold our house and are now renting, its been very stressful and DP & i have had some pretty rough patches in the last 18 months.

Thank you lifegonewrong i am doing a lot of soul searching today. I doesnt help that DD has gone to the chilminders for her first full day today so im pretty much an emotional wreck, DP keeps texting me asking me what im going to do.

I can understand your DP is anxious but constantly texting is not going to help You do not need to make a decision today or even this week - it is very important that you are not rushed into a decision. so go to the doctor if you like but just to talk about options, not a final decision.

Ive made an appointment for friday morning. Ive also emailed my head of year to ask if its possible for me to do the final year part time.

I feel like ive got a plan and its helping me. Whatever decision i make i want to make sure ive explored all of the options first.

DP wants us to make a decision before the baby is more than a cluster of cells - guessing hes been consulting Dr Google.

That is good you have made some plans.

Your DP will have to realise that things will not happen immediately though.

Best wishes.

I think you're going about this the right way. You need to know all the possible options and take time making your final decision. I understand where your DP is coming from and he's probably also thinking it would be easier for you if a termination happens at an earlier stage rather than later. But don't allow yourself to be rushed into a decision too soon.

I wish you luck whichever route you decide to take.

Thank you both for your supportive messages. Im off to my allotment now to have a bit of me time.

So i told my GP, and burst into tears.

Hes managed to get me a cancellation at the local family planning clinic on monday morning for a 2 hour consultation with BPAS. He says theres no pressure and kept telling me to speak to my family.

Im due back at uni on monday, have emailed my tutor saying i have a childcare issue and she has agreed to postpone our meeting until the afternoon, phew.

My head of year still hasnt gotten back to me about part time hours.

DP cant see how we can do it financially, he gets frustrated when i bring it up. He would never say he doesnt want the baby but i get that impression from him.

Im so stuck. Ive hardly slept since i found out.

oh Bungalow, you poor thing. I just searched for your thread as I wondered how you were. How has this week been?