20 weeks pregnant and stressed out!!

[frogalou]

Hi

I am 20 weeks tomorrow and I am finding it really difficult to deal with stress. I have zero patience. Work is really stressful and I am not managing to put my baby first yet.

Also, I am starting to panic when I think about how poor we will be when I am on maternity. I only get 6 weeks with my job, so after that I will be on the SMP and so much worst off than I am now with the same huge bills.

This is turning me in a crying stressed bundle and my poor boyfriend must dread coming home to me at night.

Has anyone else experienced some/all of the above?

Thanks

Fx

I walked into a baby store on Saturday and felt so stressed/shocked at the cost of everything (and overwhelmed by the sheer choice of everything on offer) that I (internally) freaked out! My DH would have come home to a crying wreck only he's in Dubai at the moment!

No real advice - enjoy the small things - you'll get through it.

I have also been quite a stress head, and have turned in from a normally reasonably laid back person to a grumpy, short tempered, fat cow.

I am also 20 weeks next week. My midwife told me that we will have many conflicting pressures and feelings along the journey, but research says that by about 24 ish weeks most women are feeling much better about anything that may have been bothering them previously (hmm!).

Perhaps you can try and sort temporary payment plans with them for the 6 months or so you are on a reduced income - most of these companies are quite good as long as you talk to them.

If you are concerned about Mat pay, is there anything that you could do to supplement your income in the meantime, could your boyf do anything extra, or could you look into anything to do ion mat leave? At least if you look into options, it might help calm nerves. I suppose the main thing is, you will just manage, no matter what, and I am sure that you will be so loved up with your baby, that nothing else will matter anyway.

Well... that's what I am hoping!

Thanks! I did not go to work today, i can't handle the stress, not dair on the baby. I may also be stressed bcse of the scan next Monday, i hope everything will be fine, i can hardly feel the baby. Anyway, i am filling some paperwork in the sun, it will help to get my life under control. I am French so i should look at giving french lessons before and during maternity.

I have only just started looking at prams and things.... They cost more than my car!! Madness.

Thanks for the support

Fxx

Pregnancy is a stressful time, so don't beat yourself up. It is worrying when it comes to money, but as an expert at budgeting I will give you this advice:

Newborns do NOT cost the earth, all they need is clothes and blankets which are pretty cheap if you buy from tesco or similar places. Charity shops are great for baby clothes and to be honest they don't stay in them long enough for you to go and buy brand new expensive ones.
Somewhere to sleep, a moses basket, a cot, whichever you choose does not have to cost a lot. Ebay is fab.
Again pushchairs are cheap if you buy second hand or ones that are on sale, and that's a one off buy for a good while.
Food, which if you're going to breastfeed will be free or if you decide to formula feed is only about £9 and you'll only be getting a couple a week.
Nappies are cheap too and to be honest that's all your baby will need for a while!
Don't get sucked in to all the baby gizmos and gadgets that cost loads and you don't need, the £500 prams that really aren't any better than a £100 one, all the fancy crap that some people seem to think they absolutely must have when this is not the case. The only other things your baby will need are LOVE, patience and safety. And they cost nothing.

When I bought everything my DD needed, it cost me about £600 for everything.

Write a list of the things your baby needs, the things you'd like to get for your baby, and give yourself a budget. It is not impossible.
That way you can concentrate on bills etc. As sarahpip says, perhaps you can sort out temporary payment plans while on reduced income.
Or look in to the benefits you are entitled to, child benefit is a given, and you are probably entitled to working tax credits/child tax credits.

Don't panic and enjoy your pregnancy/baby :)

If I'm feeling stressed - as cliched as it may sound - I sit down and have a cuppa! Or run a bath... or read my book... or go for a walk... or ring a friend... or cook something nice and treat myself... or have my hair done.
Little things that can make a big difference and give you the time to relax and put things into perspective.
Easier said than done sometimes I know and dont get me wrong, I do get stressed out too!!

Money wise, we'll be in pretty much the same situation as you as I miss out on the full maternity package at work by a few months (doh!). We have bought quite a few things for baby already but havent gone for the most expensive stuff as we know that isnt necessary. We bought the cot, moses basket and baby chair off eBay (we have got new mattresses of course) and a friend has given us some bits like a mobile and a few clothes. We got a pram in the Mothercare half price sale too. As said above, the other main things are nappies but we'll just buy them in bulk and when they are on offer to get the best value for money. Hopefully I'll be breast feeding so that will be cheap! And we figure that the stuff we spend our money on now (meals out, pub, cinema, holidays, gigs, theatre, etc.) we wont be doing when baby comes along so the money saved there will be there to spend on any extra baby stuff we need!

Oh, and as for the crying, hormones will be to blame for a lot of it!! The number of times me or my DH have said 'that'll be the pregnancy hormones' is getting quite funny!!

Freecycle is also another brill place for stuff. You'll be surprised about how much you'll get for the baby off people too. I'm on pg #3 and 24 weeks and didn't start feeling movement til I was about 20wks. Also depending on your combined income you may be eligible for a Sure Start Maternity Grant (If they still do them), have a look on Direct.gov under the benefits section, there's loads of useful stuff there.

As others have said you don't need top branded stuff and an expensive pram. I'd never spend a months wages on one. Stock up now on things like nappies I've just bought 3 jumbo boxes on-line for £30 as it was buy 2 get 1 free. Own branded baby products are just as good too.

It'll work out now go and have cake! x

freecyle - i have got amazing stuff off there....

google it - it may be called freegle now.

I have got brand new expensive brand first bottles, a 27 pound mamas and papas baby bath, a fab three wheeler with pumped tyres push chair, so light i can easily navigate with one hand and loads of of shopping.

I have seen expensive brand moses baskets at car boot sales, usually still want about £30 quid but excellent condition....and still far far cheaper than new.

for £40 pounds I got my friend the full car seat, push chair and pram, mamas and papas Pilko.

I have got boutique clothes for my daughter from chairty and car boot sales, and bags and bags of clothes off freecyle.

you do get sucked in by hype on 1st child but really your baby doesnt know if in 500 pound pram or much cheaper one, i have friend who sepnt hundreds on awkard bulky prams and stuff they cant get into car or collapse...

again toys, freegle, car boots - we got amazing key board and seat - fab condition £2 its £35 new. I just got an ELC till which is great for free on freegle, £22 in ELC.

The thing we spend most money on is shoes, my DD has very slim feet so really hard to find shoes for her - need to be fitted welll.

Once you get on mat leave check out these things, also you will get loads of stuff when baby is born.

Another uttrerly excellent place is TK maxx, baby blankets - clothes, equipment, as well as thier sister store - HoMESENSE. books - toys, stuff for nursery, stay well away from mother care - mamas and papas and john lewis...

I too found out I had much less mat leave pay when had baby - but we got through it! Dont panic - humans adapt! we have too!

Thank you all, i really appreciate your support. Just to be clear, i am not planning to go crazy with baby stuff... I said prams are more expensive than my car, but my car is an old banger which costed me £200! It has 3 doors but i think i will live with it :D

I will have a look at freecycle and maybe start selling clothes i never wear.

It was a good move to stay home today, my bf may gave a 'normal' gf to come back to tonight

Gfxx

Frogalou, don't worry, enjoy your pg, you will find a way to deal with money as long as you are sensible. And you sound sensible. I agree with other MNers, freecycle, gumtree, charity shops, car boot sales. The only thing you need to buy new IMO is the mattress and shoes when baby starts walking so you have plenty of time. It is better for them to walk barefoot anyway at the beginning.

Some of my friends who were really skint did ask for nappies as birth presents, why not ? My DS1 wears mostly second hand cloth since day 1, he is now 3.5 yo. I prefer to keep money and treat him with well fitted shoes or membership to the zoo than expensive cloth he will damage within seconds anyway...
I also found out that my DS1 was happier playing with my pans and lids than expensive complicated toys. My library has a toy library too so I used to take him a lot to play with them before buying...

Voila, HTH, BTW I am French too so if you feel like PM me, feel free. :)

I am not French but I feel French, does that count?

Do you have any g/fs w/ older DC who can give you clothes? I swear, DC2 and the upcoming No. 3 only ever wear new when the DGMs buy for them! [proud of our thriftiness emoticon!]

If you do have to buy clothes, just buy onesies - w/ sleeves and feet for sleeping (and zips only - buttons are a nightmare to do up/undo at 2am!) or w/our sleeves for day time wear. That is seriously all they need, clothes-wise! DC2 spent her life in onesies until she was one, and I started to get a lot of 'why is that baby in pyjamas?!' comments

We got our pram from a friend who was done with kids - can't get cheaper than free!

If you feel brave enough, get someone to host you an American-style babyshower and have a list for essentials like nappies, wipes and the bottles you will need (even if b/f) for when you go back to work.

And deffo start on the French lessons! I had private French since I was 4 (yes, yes, I know...) and they cost a bomb back then, so think what you can charge now!

The best of luck to you.....

You can be french! I am kinda of an honory english myself :))

I am doing much better today. I have put a few ads and someone is already giving me a few bits and bobs. I shall be on a gumtree like hawk!!

Thank you all again, i was rather depressed yesterday and your kindness made me feel much bette.

Gfxx

I have also been like that! My work contract ends next Thursday, I can claim maternity allowance but the earliest I can do that is August. Not sure how we are going to cope as we struggle so much now. But I try not to worry about it. I just try and focus on the good things (though difficult to in this bloomin heat lol). But glad you're feeling better today :)