Help! Pregnancy making me into a horrible wife.....

[Poppyjen]

Hello ladies, I really hope that someone can offer some words of comfort to me - I am 25 weeks pregnant with my second child, after a MC and 2 chemical pregnancies this is something that both DH and I are extremely happy about but the thing is, unlike my last pregnancy this one seems to be turning me into a monster!

I sometimes feel so cold towards poor DH, sex is definitely not something I have any interest in at all and in fact sometimes I get irritated by him even being near me. Last night we had an epic argument, all my fault and I said some really hurtful things to him.

Funny thing is I can hear myself saying these things and continuing an argument when I know I am in the wrong and I am making things worse, then I get really upset and teary, then I can't sleep properly and the whole cycle starts again (made worse by tiredness!)

I apologise profusely to DH and tell him how much I do love him but I can tell that I have hurt him....

Has anyone else experienced this sort of wild hormonal mood swing, and if you did, did you manage to find a way of minimising marital disharmony?

Remembering the early days with DS, I am now worried that more hormones and more sleep deprivation will just make things worse.....

Please someone tell me this will pass - I miss liking my DH, he really is lovely...

Are you the DH?

No - he wouldn't know where to start with MN! This is a genuine request for advice from a wife who feels very guilty....

I wasn't exactly the same as you but not so disimilar. All you can really do is ride it out but also take some time to keep telling your DH that you do love him and it's the hormones. If you reassure him outside of arguments then he is more likely to take the arguments with a pinch of salt. Can I also suggest that you try to spend some more time together. Get a babysitter and go out or make a nice meal at home. I do often think that every day life can get in the way of being close with your loved ones. Relationships take worse and pregnancy (and new born babies) puts a huge amount of pressure on that. If you've said something particulary cutting to your DH I do think you should take the time to try and undo some of it. I often said some nasty things to my DH and even as the words were coming out I was cringing and straight away profusely apologising.

I have no advice sadly but I am in the same boat!
I am being a right cow to him at the moment, anything he does or dare not do its not right and I throw a tantrum about it.
I'm terribly irrational right now, I think it passes I don't remember this in the third trimester.
Sadly I'm just in the second, he even told me I was miserable and sour faced! It's true, but I'm so excited to be pregnant.
He hasn't text me back in the 10 minutes I last text him and frankly the fact he is at work and probably going into a meeting is irrelevant!
We are having a child free day soon, I'm hoping that will help.
I'm also trying to be very nice to him!

I've been pretty horrible for most of my 14 weeks of pregnancy so far. I feel pretty emotionally dead towards my partner too and feel like we live in separate worlds now. I say lots and lots of devastatingly nasty things to him in my head but so far have managed to keep them there.
I think it's supposed to be very common to feel/behave towards your partner like this when pregnant. Maybe encourage him to find an online forum where he can hear other men's stories of what mega bitches their pregnant partners are, so at least he knows he's not alone. It is the hormones talking, not you, and if he reads any pregnancy guide it will tell him so.
That said, it's hard to forget terrible things once they've been said, and I reckon it's probably worth trying as hard as possible to keep that stuff to yourself - even if it means storming out of the house instead. I don't know - it's really hard and if you're anything like me, when your partner complains about you being a bitch, it will just make you feel even more angry and isolated that they dare complain when you're the one who has to go through and the trials of pregnancy.
My partner has been a lot more understanding since I forced him to read the section for Dads to Be in 'What To Expect...' which basically says this is going to be a very long 9 months unless you grow a thick skin and accept that your wife has been replaced by a mad harridan until the birth and nothing she says should be taken personally. Before that I thought that between my lack of feelings towards my partner and his evident anger at hatred of my behaviour, divorce was certainly on the cards!

I am married to a really lovely man, who has had to put up with exactly this for two pregnancies in two years. He has the patience of a saint.

I try to make sure that when I'm in a good mood that I make time for some civil conversation with him and as others have said we do try and spend some "quality" time together. I also make it clear that the reason I'm not as affectionate is because I find it really hard having to share my body and then give up some of my personal space. DH also turns my moods it into a bit of a joke, which is annoying but I can think of much worse coping mechanisms he could use and I do end up joining in quite a bit as it's hard to stay moody when someone is making you laugh even with all the hormones.

It's not easy but it does pass and I found I liked him a lot more as soon as I gave birth, which I think had a lot to do with him now being able to join in the responsibility of having a child properly, if that makes sense.

Oh I can't tell you how much it helps just to know I am not alone in this - thank you all so much for sharing! Actually it is our wedding anniversary on Wednesday and we have babysitter lined up and restaurant booked so hopefully we'll be able to enjoy some time together and re-connect a bit

Omg me me me I was really really horrid ! I sed some really mean things I asked for help on here too I thought my marriage was over ! This is our third baby and I'm working full-time as is hubby so stress was a big factor! Plus he was also winding me up as I think maybe he was finding it all over whelming at the time too looking back? But what I did was said right I need to try and chill and think first it's ur hormones don't snap dnt be nasty else u won't slepp tonigt and be worried all day etc it's really hard but it worked for me! Now I'm 30 weeks and pretty chilled out :)

no advice but just letting you know im in the same boat. i have the most wonderful hubby and i am a complete cow. i get upset i am a cow to him and then try to be nice but because i have nothing nice to say i then go quiet and shut off. lose lose. sigh. x

When I start feeling like this (which I have been rather a lot) I try to think of all the many many wonderful things about my lovely DH and all the selfless stuff he does to show me and DS he loves me. I thank him for some of these things and I try to go out of my way to do stuff I know he likes me doing in return. I've found massages are really great for both of us - eases many sore pregnancy parts, relaxes and bio oil may even help stretch marks :) We also try to go for a walk, take DS to the park, or take some time out doing something different when he gets home from work.

It's a really testing time. But once the baby is here and I see all the love he has for his family we'll hopefully all (and I'm hopefully speaking for all of us) pop out the other side glowing :)