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Original poster

Having a mini meltdown.....HELP!!

9 replies

GizzyBoo · 16/05/2012 11:50

Bit of a dilemma. I don't want to come across as a screeching fish wife so need some help trying to get OH to understand my issues over his plans.....

We live on a tiny island off Scotland. We relocated here from the Midlands almost 2 years ago. I Will be 20 weeks pregnant on Friday with edd being 5th October.
Hubby is wanting to attend his oldest friends wedding on 20th October 450 miles away.

When we first found out we were expecting #4 I reassured him that it didn't need to change anything other than the fact I wouldn't be able to attend as I would have a squishy new born to look after.
Now I have changed my mind Blush

The closer it gets the more I realise that I might be hugely overdue as I was with #2 and could be left alone with 2 teenagers, an almost 10 year old and a new born baby just days after giving birth.
On the other hand baby might take after #3 and come 3 weeks early. I have my parents planning to come up and stay a week or 2 so I may be all settled and on top of things and cope brilliantly for what will only be a long weekend without him.

We could leave it closer to the time but travel (flights) tend to get more expensive the later you book.

I am starting to get the panic.....Blush

AIBU to want him to just know I need him here without me having to tell him?? Blush

OP posts:
goingmadtrying · 16/05/2012 12:08

i do think he will struggle to see the issue if you've previously told him its ok, and its a one off event that he won't be able to get back, but..........i do understand your worry, how long is he planning to go for, surely overnight is long enough??? this wouldn't be too bad and if your parents are around you should be ok, couldn't he take some or one of your other dc with him to lighten your load

i don't think your are being unreasonable and im sure you could work something out for both of you so that you feel supported and he gets to celebrate with his friend :)

Original poster
GizzyBoo · 16/05/2012 12:22

Due to our location and the cost/time of travel he would need to be away about 2/3 nights. If he chooses to fly (therefore leaving me home with the car) we can't afford for him to take any of the children. (There is no such thing as cheap flights from the islands) But he could fly out Friday and fly back Sunday.
If he drives then its a 12 hour journey each way (without stops) so he will be away longer and leave me home in a remote area without the car.

It didn't seem all that real when we first discussed it 4 months ago.
I guess reality is setting in now Blush

OP posts:
goingmadtrying · 16/05/2012 12:31

definitely talk it through with him see what he thinks its a difficult one but you need to feel comfortable with it, what about a hire car????? just another thought hope you find a positive solution :)

luckysocks · 16/05/2012 12:46

I think you're well within your rights to change your mind!

In your position, I would make sure DH knew how I felt about it, suggest that he makes arrangements as if to go but be prepared to cancel if necessary. Absolutely anything could happen - you could go overdue and end up with an EMCS for example, in which case, he simply can't leave you to deal with everything by yourself. If the baby's only just arrived, would he even want to go?

I know in any other situation it's a lot of money to potentially waste, but giving birth is so unpredictable, he's either got to take the chance that he may have to cancel or just not go.

needsomesunshine · 16/05/2012 12:57

Tbh I don't think it's unreasonable for him to go. Your kids are older & you will have your parents with you. You can never predict when the baby will arrive. Can you not get travel insurance invade he does have to cancel?

Belchica · 16/05/2012 14:07

I'm in a similar boat. 1st DC due mid Sept and OH has accepted invite to go a wedding in South Africa mid Oct...baby could be 4 weeks...or maybe just 2!
I told him it was ok if he went for '3 or 4 days' and I'd get my mum to fly over and help. After checking flight prices and realising he'll be spending up to £1k at least on flights/hotels, he's suggested he might as well go for a bit longer to get his moneys worth!! So, I've started making noises about him not going after all, too expensive and suggesting its VERY important bonding time with baby. I do feel a bit guilty though. I will probably give him the green light and insist on insurance. If, god forbid, there was a problem and baby ended up in special care, there would be no way he was getting on a plane. And (this is awful) I'm secretly hoping he's going to hate every minute of the trip pining for me and his firstborn...

Original poster
GizzyBoo · 17/05/2012 13:24

Thanks all.

I'm trying really hard not to be unreasonable but in my heart I just know I need him.

My Parents may not be here at that time as we have still to arrange dates for them to travel up here. Don't want to make it too early as if baby hasn't arrived they will have had a wasted trip.

I have never felt so needy.....I don't like it Blush

OP posts:
luckysocks · 17/05/2012 13:25

OK maybe I'm just a mean old wife but I would SO not be giving my DH a moments peace if he was planning that trip!

luckysocks · 17/05/2012 13:30

GizzyBoo honestly, you're not being needy, you're being practical and perfectly reasonable.

You might have to do the hard work to get the baby here, but the baby belongs to both of you and he is equally responsible. His priority at that time has got to be you and the baby.

If he really, really wants to go then the option has to be that he books the trip with clear ground rules that if he's needed at home, he cancels.

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