Baby coming in 4 days, I am dreading it

[hodgepodge]

I'm having a caesarian on Friday with 2nd son - first is 3.5. He was a nightmare small baby, reflux, sleep issues, the works. I hated the first year and still find looking after him hard. Now, with 4 days to go (actually it's been building for some time) I am absolutely dreading the prospect of having to do it all again. I cry every day already, I'm completely exhausted already and he's not even here yet. Can't really see how this is going to pan out well...

Oh hodgepodge, I know how you feel. I had pnd the first time and hated the first 4 months. My baby was also a bad sleeper and had reflux. My second is due in July. This time the midwife referred me to the specialist psychologist to talk through my worries, which did help. I have a post natal appointment with her too. Could you talk to your HV or midwife?

Thanks JellyMould - the midwife I have is royally useless and I've only met the HV once so don't really feel comfortable with either of them. I will though if things are still awful once baby comes. The worst thing is that I am being a crap mother to the 3yo- I know it's not his fault he's annoying, that's just small children - however I would REALLY appreciate it if he'd knock if off just for a few days! Having slept happily til 6.45 or 7 for ages, he's not decided to wake in the night and get up at half 5 every morning so it feels like the sleep deprivation has started already :(

I hope you are having a better time!

Do you have husband /partner who can help you out so you're not so exhausted? If its any consolation, most people I know with 2 babies have found they are very different, hopefully this time your baby will sleep through quickly, no reflux etc

Sweetheart I think you need to have a chat to someone today. Can you try ringing your GP?
I also think you need some physical help after delivery. Can you round up mothers or sisters to come and stay for a few days? If finances would run to it what about a maternity nurse?
Nobody gets medals for managing after giving birth (unfortunately!). It can be very hard and when you know you are feeling ambiguous about it that's a sign that it's time to get some help in.

Sorry - I should have been plainer - when you see the GP, I think you should ask them to assess you for depression. Tell them about your fears and that you're crying every day.

I agree with northernlurker. Don't bottle your feelings up in case they get worse, it does sound as if you are very down right now, and your GP may be able to help.

Just a thought, but do you have HomeStart near you - maybe you could get one of their volunteers to help with DS, or some of the housework, so you're not so exhausted. Home-Start

Good luck for Friday, and I hope it all turns out to be easier than you fear.

Thank you all - I do have a husband who is great, but I think dreading it all as much as I am. I also have a mother coming to stay but we always end up arguing so that's not a huge consolation!
I'm very wary of talking to the GP as the last time I was offered help from a midwife and met someone to speak to, the next thing I had was a call from the PCT trying to sign me up to some social services register. I really really don't want either me or my children getting anywhere near that sort of situation.
I also do really want to be able to do it myself, it's being such a failure at it all that makes it worse I think.

Blimey- are you me??

I am also having a cs on Friday, and also have a 3yo- have just had a lovely weekend with just the three of us and can't believe we are going to turn everything on its head and bring a newborn into the mix. What the FUCK were we thinking?

Want to hold hands?

PM me if you fancy

Agree completely about seeking some sort of help now...but I also want to say that all babies are so so different. |It's a bit cliched but so true.
Your next child may sleep blissfully, suffer no reflux/colic, and have a thoroughly relaxed disposition. It may just not be as hard as your first...plus you are more experienced, however low you feel now.

Flirty is right - DD1 and DD2 were really different in feeding / sleeping patterns, so you might have it easier this time.

Also, you aren't a failure if you can't do everything alone. You may feel one at times, but you aren't. You seem to be judging yourself very harshly, and I bet no-one else is (and if they are, surely they can stick it????!!!!)

I'm having my third CS on Monday, I have 2 preschoolers, and I have CFS/ME. We've had to hire a cleaner temporarily, just so I don't completely wipe myself out. I struggled with the idea of this (I also felt I had to be able to do everything as normal, and wasn't sure about a stranger cleaning my loo etc), but had an occupational therapist getting very stern with me (according to her I should be delegating everything apart from feeding the baby!), and DH in agreement, so finally got my head round it!!! The cleaner is lovely - I want to keep her forever (but can't financially!). If my family weren't a PITA I'd be roping them in too... A CS is major surgery, so I'm not going to try to be superwoman this time, will be taking a step back and expecting DH to step in... I'm viewing this as self preservation, not failure . I will be building my regular duties back up once I feel able to.

OK, this might work for me and not for you, but I guess I'm saying (in a longwinded way) that there's good reason you might want a bit of practical help at the moment, and not to feel bad for asking.