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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

boy or girl countdown

25 replies

shortandsweet1993 · 11/05/2012 16:40

i cant wait for my 20 week scan, i decided as soon as i found out about the baby but now everyone is asking if im finding out and making me feel guilty about it, ive only got a couple of weeks til my scan and id like to kno if anyones had a similar experience and if i find out will i regret ruining the surprise or will i regret it if i dontfind out, my 12 week scan was the happiest day ever and i want this scan to be the same for me and my partner.

OP posts:

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Mooney1 · 11/05/2012 16:54

Hi found out last week I'm having a boy although I'm pleased,I secretly wanted a girl, so now I wished I'd had the surprise as I know once he arrives I'll be so happy, but at the moment I can't help thinking that I won't have that daughter I always wanted!!

Original poster

shortandsweet1993 · 11/05/2012 16:59

i really want a little boy so jealous!! everyone in the family wants a girl though so no pressure to the little one haha

OP posts:

PoppyS34wantssleep · 11/05/2012 17:02

We wanted to know what flavour it was, and I'm really really glad we found out. :) Good luck and hope the time between now and your scan goes really quickly.

Chunkychicken · 11/05/2012 17:38

We didn't find out with my DD and won't with #2. I feel like we're in the minority though - most people seem to find out now.

I really loved not knowing, not keeping it a secret, not only telling x and not y. It was a surprise for everyone. I guess the down-sides are no gender-specific clothes immediately and no sure-fire name. However, with my DD we had picked a name from the few we'd had in mind within a few minutes as she was just def that name & it really suits her.

DH was adamant that she was a she, so I guess he wasn't surprised, but I didn't have a preference and loved asking 'boy or girl?' :)

I would do what my DH & I wanted to do regardless in this situation and it seems like you want to find out. If you do want to, then don't let anyone stop you and make you feel guilty.

If you're not totally sure you want to find out, then don't; you might not have an option depending on baby's position (my sister knew her first was a boy when he seemed very pleased with himself on screen ) and you can always pay for a private scan or just wait a couple of months. If you find out and are disappointed you did, you can't undo that, iyswim...

Purplehonesty · 11/05/2012 17:41

We didn't find out with ds but I was desperate to know with this one.
When they told me I was having a girl I was ecstatic and cried! Then went straight out and bought some pink.
I grinned like a loon for about a week

Well worth it!

Belchica · 11/05/2012 17:53

ShortandSweet, don't let other peoples views affect this scan. Just get excited about seeing your wee bub up there again. My OH got a real kick out of our 20wk scan a couple of wks back as for him life had just carried on as normal and unlike me he often forgets there's a baby coming! He couldn't speak for a couple of hours, bless him.

We decided last minute not to find out and I'm very happy with that decision as I just wasn't ready to give up all the fun of guessing boy/girl and I didnt really think it would change anything if I knew. But to be honest, if I had found out I know that right now I would be in an equal state of bliss imagining my boy or girl and buying clothes/planning name etc...Whatever choice you make is the right one for you at the time. Agree with chunkychicken...if you are on the fence now, dont find out and you still have plenty of time to change your mind and get another scan.

brettgirl2 · 11/05/2012 17:57

Remember even if you decide to find out they may not be able to tell you. That' s what happened to me with dd2.

ivanapoo · 11/05/2012 18:18

I was told by midwife that they categorically wouldn't be able to tell the sex at 20 wk scan. Not sure whether that's their policy or just a general statement....

sedgieloo · 11/05/2012 18:39

I was in two minds to find out but leaning towards not and yes felt pressured by everyone to find out. In the end on the day of the scan we decided we would, it turned out to be the right thing for me. I really connected with the pregnancy after that, I had struggled to before, I'd been married 15 years and it was a bit of a surprise plus I had never felt I was the maternal type. But... I really bonded with baby from that point and got really excited. I'm pregnant again and feel totally differently, I don't think it would change much for me this time, except I have an attic full of girls stuff and it would be nice to know what to do with it!

My thought is that if you have a preference, then do find out. That way if its the other you can get used to the idea and get over disappointment then. A couple of times on OBEM the parents don't have the boy/girl they were hoping for and are a bit 'oh well, never mind' and I think that's pretty awful.

DizzyKipper · 11/05/2012 18:41

I haven't found out although I wanted to - DH didn't want to know and wouldn't trust that I could keep it a secret for so long so I had to go along with it. Now that I'm almost 34 weeks I've given up trying to pretend to not think of it as one or the other and have just admitted it to DH that I do think of it as our son, I can't help it it's always what runs through my head "your son has done this..." "your son must be asleep...". I'm going to feel so guilty if it's a girl. Do what you want to do, it's impossible to tell before you do find out whether finding out was the right thing for you to do or not.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 11/05/2012 18:43

I can't wait to find out! I have to wait until the 2nd July though!
I found out with both my boys although they did say DS1 was a girl up until 32 weeks when they saw he was actually a boy.

DizzyKipper · 11/05/2012 18:44

Oh yes having just read sedgieloo's post I do want to add that I think for me finding out would have made a big difference in feeling connected with the baby. As odd as it sounds I still don't feel as though I really believe there's a baby in there - there being a baby is more of an abstract concept rather than actuality right now. I had a prior MC 2 months after my dad died before getting pregnant with this one so guess there were some issues with fearing the worst and keeping that bit more emotionally distanced, but it would have been nice to have found out. I've told DH that I am definitely finding out with the next one - he got his way with this one so it's only fair that I do with the next.

sedgieloo · 11/05/2012 20:26

OP you have got me thinking, I might just change my mind on this one (we were going to find out again) and actually not find out. DH now saying he is fine with this. Or maybe decide on when we get there, 20 wk scan is one month away for me.

Grannylipstick · 11/05/2012 20:31

Can't understand why parents want to find out the sex of their child before they are born. Would you open your Xmas presents before Xmas. I wouldn't.

Catsycat · 11/05/2012 21:30

We didn't find out with DD1, we did with DD2, and have found out again this time (hope they were right, as we've decorated the nursery now). It made no difference to how I felt about the babies when they were born. A baby has so much more to surprise and delight you with than the type of genitals they have!!! I don't know anyone in RL who has any regret about finding out or not finding out.

It's a matter of personal choice of course, like so much about being a parent. It always surpirses me how funny some people can be about it - ignore and do what you feel is right for you!

Cakeplease · 11/05/2012 21:45

There are very few true surprises in life. This is one of them. I was pleased I didn't know (although at points really wanted to know!!) I'll will always remember my husbands face after 36 hours of labour telling me 'it's a boy' it was amazing and he was so thrilled. It also kept me going through a long labour!! I wouldn't find out next time either...

mangomadness · 11/05/2012 21:52

I haven't found out, I'm full term and it's still so exciting seeing all of the baby boy/girl clothes and trying to guess! It's kept it such a surprise. I thought that I wanted to know at first, husband didn't want to, I went along with him and am SO glad that we didn't find out. Has made it all the more magical and I can't wait until I give birth and they tell me if I've had a son or daughter!

Grannylipstick · 11/05/2012 21:57

Had a grandchild born 8 days ago and another one due in 3 weeks. Both 2nd children for each mum. It's seems routine now that most parents find out the sex before the baby arrives. So glad my daughters waited for the surprise. They have both had the needle test done by great grannie and she has been right every time. It's so exciting.

bettybat · 12/05/2012 11:33

It's such a personal choice, and no one should make you feel either way about it. Though I admit, I was a bit judgey about a girl at work who did, but mainly because she was so obsessed with having a boy and had always expressed dodgy leaning-towards-inernalised-mysogeny views that it just freaked me out a little bit!

I had really thought DH and I would...my 20 week scan is in 18 days, and I was all set to find out. Then gradually DH started making noises about leaving it as a surprise, and he's brought me around to the idea. I realised that I just genuinely didn't care...maybe it's the calming hormones because I am normally so wanting my own way! But I guess - I had harboured worries of a preference which upset me a bit - so just for me personally, not finding out makes me realise how much I suddenly know it's going to be my boy or girl so it really doesn't matter! Suddenly it was like...I am bonded already, so my wanting to find out to bond isn't an issue anymore.

Having said that, the ring test said a girl 5 times and although I am a little skeptical of these things, when DH tried it didn't move at all!

What is the needle test - is it basically the same as the ring test?

Grannylipstick · 12/05/2012 21:30

Same test. Some use a needle others use the ring. 50 50 chance either way!! Except my mum who is 80 this year has always been right.

ellybett · 12/05/2012 21:51

Just to echo ivanapoo our sonographer categorically stated the 20 week scan was not a gender scan and she could not tell us. Was very disappointed as we did want to know the sex. For myself I felt it important from a bonding point of view. Practically speaking as we already had a dd we wanted to know whether we would need to buy a lot as we have to spread our spending out. In the end we found an affordable gender scan and found we're having another dd. Am now 34 weeks and cannot wait to meet her and dd is very excited about 'the little sister'!

sparklekitty · 13/05/2012 09:57

I found out last week that I'm having a little girl. I love knowing so we can focus on girls names and look at girly clothes etc. I also have found myself daydreaming about taking my little girl to go things when she's a bit older. I knew I couldn't last a whole 40 weeks not knowing (I'm really impatient) and it was lovely to have a little surprise half way through. We figured finding out would be a lovely surprise whenever we found out and it was. I have told everyone too and I think it has made people feel more involved.

I know a few people who have opted not to find out and I understand that point of view but for me it was important to find out. It is totally a personal decision, don't let anyone else (except your OH maybe) try to tell you otherwise. If you want to know find out, if you want a surprise later then don't :)

melliebobs · 13/05/2012 10:28

We couldn't find out. Baby was asleep. Arm over her head and legs crossed at the ankles. We really wanted to find out n the lady doing the scan tried everything to get it to wake up. Sent me for a quick walk, cold drink, tipped the bed do feet were above head but baby was having none of it.

That was in September. Not knowing drive me nuts. I wanted to be irganised on everything n didnt want all my babies clothes etc to be in a symphony of beige etc. so had a private 4d scan in december to find out. Best early Xmas pressie ever

EggsMichelle · 13/05/2012 10:49

I don't mind what I have, but we will need time to mentally prepare ourselves if we have a girl. My sister and I have never been girly and my husband only has brothers, so I am bound to raise a mini tom boy (I still cant go a week with out a bruise only my legs!)

FushiasFairy · 13/05/2012 11:00

Personally, I think it's nice to find out what the sex is as you can
think about names,
get all the clothes you need and not have to worry about getting them later on,(and family and friends know what they're buying for too)

refer to it as he/she instead of it,
and bond a lot more.

With my first it drove me crazy not knowing, and once I knew I felt so much better, but maybe that's just me.

I'm pg with my second now and will be finding out in 5 weeks time!

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