Are all midwives like this?

[Sastra]

I had my sixteen week appointment this morning and I just feel like crying. I've had a really short first tri with sickness and when she asked how it'd been going I said " not great", and she just ignored it. Clearly didnt mean the question.

She had a go at me for not bringing a urine sample (I wasnt told so how would I know), and then barely spoke to me for the rest of the appointment. My booking appointment (with a different midwife) was the same.

I just wanted to cry whilst I was sat there. I have so many worries and questions and I feel as if they don't care.

"shit" first try, not "short". That would be weird.

No, like any profession there are lovely ones and not so lovely ones.

If you have an issue (like feeling sick or crappy or bleeding or anything at all) you need to make sure you're heard though.

You poor thing - no, not all midwives are like that. No idea if you can request a different one though.

You'll find a lot of mumsnetters more than willing to help with your worries and questions though...

Sorry - not sure what else to suggest, but didn't want to not reply.

Aw lovely you poor thing. Yes some MWs are horrid and some are lovely but ridiculously busy. Plus I think sometimes there's a difference between expectation and the reality - often antenatal appointments are people's first experience of the NHS other than their GP or dentist and you expect a bit of interest and what you get is tellings off for not understanding a system you couldn't possibly know unless you've done it before or work there.

If you've got questions or queries try the NCT. They have a helpline and an info centre and it's all free except the cost of your call which is charged at local rate I think. Details here: www.nct.org.uk/open

And of course you can post on Mumsnet and your GP will also see you during your pregnancy. Mine where fab when my MW went AWAL.

No, they're not all like that - can you see someone else in the practise?

I did often get that expectation that you should know you have to bring pee/go get a blood test/bring a certain piece of paper/whatever though.. I think that because they do it every day they think that we're all old hands at it.

where? FFS. were. I'm not illiterate, honest!

Sastra, mine's bloody horrible too - doesn't care at all, in fact when she does all of her 'checks' I'm convinced she's paying so little attention a flashing red light could start blaring 'something's wrong!!!' and she simply wouldn't notice - or care!

The only thing I've found gets me through it is taking DH along with me to appointments. I got so angry and upset after my first appointment with her I vowed I'd rather have no midwife care than her. When he goes along with me it's bearable though - we roll our eyes at one another on a regular basis and just get through it and then slag her off together afterwards. Seems to help me feel less het up.

Also, I do agree with ilove than mumsnet may be the answer - it's where I fire all my questions and makes me feel much better.

Mines a cow too, plus some of the ones I've encountered at the hospital seem pretty much the same, rude and up their own arses. I put off calling because I don't like talking to them !!

My midwife is terrifying! I had a previous late MMC so was a bit nervous at my 16w appointment. When I told her, she just said 'well, you need to get over that'. Er - cheers!

I think as KatieMiddleton (great name btw) says they're all different as with any profession. My cousin is a midwife and she has a lovely way with me when I'm nervous!

They are all different. My community midwife is absolutely lovely and supporting me in having a home birth despite my risk factors after my terrible, unsupported birth in hospital last time with a midwife who had her back turned when I delivered my dd because she was putting on some gloves (and she missed most of my labour because apparently I wasn't really pushing).

Oh thank god I'm not the only one who's midwife is a total bitch. Mine didn't blink when I told her I was bedridden with PGP by the end of my first pregnancy didn't comment when I told her I'd just had a miscarriage with my second (surely most humans would say something like, "Oh I'm sorry to hear that" just automatically, even if they couldn't care less"?) and wasn't the slightest bit interested in the current one either.

Just to piss her off I told her I wanted to give birth at a hospital 25 miles away. It's right out of her catchment area so would mean there's zero chance of seeing her again but jesse what an own goal that one was...

Wish me luck with the next one!

Jeese, not jesse. PAH.

I've had some absolutely lovely midwives, but also some that even when you take into account understaffing, lack of resources etc - you still can't make sense of their attitude.

It made me realise, people working in the caring professions are not saints, (why should they be?) but just a mixed bunch of ordinary human beings and many have gone into the profession for other reasons than wanting to help people, (but obviously not the money!) That's fine but it seems to me that midwifery and nursing are two of the careers where it is really important that you are both sympathetic and empathetic as much as you are medically skilled.

Good luck Sastra hope you only get lovelies for the rest of your pregnancy.

Omg ladies that's all horrible to hear my midwife couldn't be lovlier so much so I requested her again with this pregnancy and have got her again so I feel like we are old friends amd she said welcome back to the club. If I forget to bring a sample she says never mind if you need a wee now you can pee on the stick in the loo. If you don't need a wee she just says never mind well do it next time!! She was very excited I was having a hb this time and joked with me and everything. I am so sorry to hear there are horrid ones and maybe if that's there attitude they should not be midwives but just wanted you all to know there are good ones out there.

I've had a mixed bag.
I had a "great" appointment last week when I went to the hospital to get my bloods and anti-D done. The young midwife who took my bloods noticed I had an appointment in a couple of days, and suggested she could do my checks then, I said great, because I actually forgot to book that day off work and was going to have to reschedule for the week after. Then the other, I assume more senior MW came in and when this was explained, said no, I would have to book a different appointment.
I had bloods taken, I had blood pressure taken, all they needed to do was dip a stick in some wee and measure my belly. I was the only patient in the day assessment unit and I had to sit there doing nothing for 10 minutes after my anti-D! Would it really have put her out so much to let the younger MW do what she had offered to do and save me trekking out to the clinic next week for a 10 minute appointment?