Early pregnancy bleeding and miscarriage ;0(

[browneyes2012]

Hi there,

I'm completely new to all of this but feel that this forum might help. I discovered 6 weeks ago that I was pregnant for the first time and was only 2 weeks on, so I would have been 8 weeks tomorrow.

However, I was experiencing bleeding from the onset of pregnancy for several days at a time and could not get checked out until I reached 6 weeks, which was very worrying and kept me in limbo for weeks. In this time had a couple of doctor appointments and made an upcoming hospital appt for a scan.

I told my boss that I had some really worrying health issues but not in full detail.

Sadly, the 6 week scan (internal and external) showed an empty uterus, which I was pretty much expecting, even though I'd done several tests which all showed positive.

As I was still testing positive, the early pregnancy unit have been tracking my hcg level. I was attending work throughout all of this which I found extremely stressful and distracting and when my hcg level was confirmed as falling last Thursday I was still devastated, so I took a day and a half off work after emailing my boss telling him I had still had issues with my health. The email was abrupt and made it sound as if something serious was going on (well, to me it is serious).

I had to go in on Monday to do more blood but was told to wait and a consultant would come to chat with me. She told me that my hcg level had started to rise again over the weekend which was causing a concern for a possible ectopic pregnancy. This meant that I would possibly have to get the methotrexate injection which terrified me. Luckily the next day I was informed that my level had since dropped and I won't have to go back for another week.

I felt I could deal with everything and went back to work as normal for 2 days, but had to call my boss today and say I won't be in for a few days. He does not know all of the details, just that I have a personal health issue that I am coming to terms with, and that is is not going to affect my working role long term. Vague, I know, but I don't want to divulge to him if I don't need to.

I thought I was ok but have been up and down and I suppose, in limbo for weeks. I don't even know when I miscarried or how far on I actually got. My next blood result is on Monday but my hcg level is expected to be normal by then.

Is it normal to feel so sad and crushed so early on? I feel as if my pregnancy ended before it even started.

Of course it's normal & I really do feel for you. I miscarried at around 5 weeks last year & I can honestly say it was probably the lowest point of my life. I felt absolutely useless - I mean a woman's made to carry a baby right? I don't think it's really something you can ever forget either. Having said that (& you may have heard this already), it is extremely common for first pregnancies to end in miscarriage & it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or your body, it's just one of those (horrible) things that happen.

If I were you, I really wouldn't beat yourself up about it. Take those days off work - you do need some time to yourself & to grieve afterall - you don't mention whether you have anyone around to give you moral support? I hope you do.

I don't know if what I am saying is helping at all, but I do completely understand what you're going through & you are by no means alone. You may find it difficult - especially if friends/family/colleagues are getting pregnant - they'll always be the thought "why them and not me?" going around in your head. However, you WILL find it easier to cope with in time. Hang in there.

I really hope things work out for you x

Hi applecrumple, thankyou so much for your kind words. You have been a good help, it means a lot to know that other people understand.

It is a bit of a strange time for me. Altough I do feel fine, at the same time I can't help feeling gutted. I know that for some reason it just wasn't meant to be right now. I have a good support around me, my partner has been especially supportive and I have a few friends who know what has happened, and strangely, 2 of them recently miscarried too at around about the same time (showing that it is indeed, unfortunately a common occurence).

I am taking advantage of the days off work - it means I don't have to put a front up which wasn't helping me, although I admit I do feel like a bit of a fraudster as outwardly I look ok, and I realise that this happens to a lot of women in pregnancy so early on.

I am 37 and just hoping that being older is not going to mean I will have more issues, but trying to think positive thoughts for 'next time'. And I am sure I will be a mummy by 2013!

I also meant to say sorry for your loss too and I hope that everything works out for you aswell, good luck x