Just found out im pregnant and im terrified :(

[anastaciauk]

Hello,
Ive recently found out that i am about 4 and i half weeks pregnant with my first child. I'm 25 and me and my partner have been together since early dec 11, it was an unexpected pregnancy as i have been quite ill in the past with stomach problems and cysts on my overies and such so i was fairly sure it would never happen!
Ive always loved the thought of having a baby but now that we are pregnant the more i think about it and it sinks in the more terrified i am :(
My partner has been amazing, he is so supportive and taken the news really well as have both of our familes. I'm just feeling so overwelmed i keep crying all the time and im worried about the financial and emotional stresses that are going to be coming our way.
I never thought id meet such an amazing man as i have within him, im scared to loose it all.
I've had a tough couple of years with personal things and i suffered from depression and anxiety which ive just come to terms with and managed to mostly concour and im afraid that it will come back with me worrying so much about being pregnant and how im going to cope! :( I've had a strong problem with change, i have never liked change in my life and it always makes me really anxious and i know this is going to be a big change in our lifes i just dont know if im going to be able to cope with it....
Is it normal to feel so overwelmed and scared?
Thankyou so much for taking the time to read my post...any advice would be grately appreciated.
x

It is absolutely normal to feel scared and overwhelmed when you discover you're pregnant, planned or not, but you do sound as if your anxiety levels are quite high anyway. Could you access a counsellor via your GP, perhaps?

Congratulations on your pregnancy. My first pregnancy was planned but I still felt very similar, kind of excited and a massive side order of oh fuck what have I done .

Your lives will change a lot, that much is true. But for every day that is a slog, and mostly it is the sheer repetitiveness that is hard to start with, there are lots of wonderful days too.

Midwives can offer extra support if you have had issues with anxiety depression, so when you book in do talk to them about your concerns.

Hi Anastaciauk, congratulations!

I don't have much experience of helath issues such a s anxiety `7 depression, but certainly pregnancy, especially unexpected can be a very overwhelming prospect!

Your dp has shown a lovely positive reaction so share his enthusiasm and support.

If change makes you anxious, mabe prepare yourself by asking your midwife if ther are groups, health visitors etc that can start to support you now rather than waiting for the baby to arrive.

Get a support network in place, if you have family or friends you are close to, be ready to let them be close to you and help out. I thought I was going to be fine when I had my first dc, but 3 weeks after my parents very kindly did all my washing and ironing tohelp me settle in, I can remember my dad saying 'Well you should be getting a bit of a routine going?' and I jjust stared vacantly, a bit like with a grey sheen at hime

And start sing mumsnet! There are lots of helpful nosey people on here!

Start USING mumsnet, not sing! But if you want to sing, why not?

Thankyou :) i'm glad other people have felt this way! I'm literally crying as i read im that bad atm, feel so stupid lol.
Ive stopped talking my antidepressants now and I'm currently just starting CBT sessions for anxiety, i was meant to have my first one tomorrow but shes had to cancel and rearrange for next week which im quite gutted at as i felt i could really do to talk to her but im just going to have to wait... i will definatly ask the midwife about getting extra support i didnt know you could ask them for that, im so clueless!

Yes it is normal to feel scared and overwhelmed. No matter how much you have looked forward to being pregnant, seeing the positive test result is a shock, it confirms there is no going back, this is real. I would second the advice of the previous poster and have a chat with your gp if you feel this would help.

And... Congratulations. You sound shocked and surprised but you've said some lovely things about your fella there, and there are two of you in this so support each other.

Check out your Health Visitors too. I know some of them get bad press here, but a good HV can be a real lifesaver in the early days of motherhood, when you are exhausted and operating on automatic. (Yes, that will happen, and it's absolutely normal too!)

As a society we are pretty crap at supporting new parents, though it's usually available here. Don't be scared to lean on your dp, and let him share his fears with you too.

Best of luck, and congratulations.

Thankyou joycedivision, i do think support now beforehand would help. I hate my anxiety problem but im hoping that the cbt ive been offered with help me learn to deal with it more effectively than i have done in the past....
Ive got to go in for more blood tests tomorrow as i have been experiencing quite bad cramping so i might see if i can see my gp then and tell her how im feeling (they are a nightmare to get booked in with tho!)

Thankyou for your congratulations and advice singingsands :) He has definatly been amazing and so supportive...i dont think i could have wished for anyone better.
x

Do you go through youre gp to get a health visitor or do you have to go through some other channel? I've held it together pretty well infront of him and the one or two friends i have told but its when im away from everyone and i think about it more when i start to really panic and cry :( I think im too soft.
Thankyou for your congratulations! :) x

I'm so glad i've come accross this website you have all been so helpfull already, thankyou so much :) x

HVs are usually accessed through your GP, or will operate out of the practice, ask the receptionist.

I completely understand your fears, and so do the other women on this thread. We've all, every single one of us, (including your mum) had at least one moment when we query what the fuck we're doing. Panic about the future. Wonder how we'll cope. Are terrified that we won't.

But most of us do, and with help you can too.

Oh, by the way, you are neither stupid nor soft. You're having a whole new experience, don't beat yourself up for not knowing everything about it already.

When I was pregnant with my first (planned, but we hadn't actually considered all of the implications; I was about your age) I went for antenatal checkups during "open appointment" time; this meant getting to the GP and just waiting my turn with everyone else.

After several such visits, the receptionist rather snottily asked why I hadn't booked into the antenatal clinic.

Well, dur, that might be because no-one said there was an antenatal clinic! How was I to know?

a friend has had cbt and it did work rather than the more 'emotional' dealing via counselling.. took a few sessions but worth it.

keep bobbing into mumsnet, and also don't forget there is the health section where you might find posters who can offer support specifically with your anxiety

Good luck, and remember, if there people waited for a 'good', 'right' or 'best' tim eto have a baby, there wouldn't be that many born!

Anastacia, I felt so compelled to answer your op because I could have written that exact post when I fell pg with my ds! When I saw that 'Pregnant 3+' on the clear blue digital test, all I felt was shock and horror! Everyone else around me was so happy, and I felt awful, I put on a brave face for my dh and family, but everytime I was alone I would just sob. It was horrible, and tbh I felt that way through much of my pg. Like you, I suffer from anxiety and depression (am still medicated now) but I can promise you (although, if you are anything like me, you won't believe me!) that once you hold your baby, and look at their dear little face and tiny fingers which curl around one of yours, you will fall so in love. My ds is 19mo now and I can honestly say that I adore the very bones of him. You will too. This is so exciting you have so much to look forward to! Good luck :)

My little one is 15 months and he was planned and when I found out I felt terrified and scared to death that it was actually happening but it really helped it made me sit up and take notice of the things I was struggling with and the anxiety and depression I had been going through were taking over my lift and this gave me the kick up the bum to sit up and get back on top of things.

I had an operation in 2009 and was sexually assulated by a hospital memeber of staff who is now in prison for 5 years and had near enough become a recluse as i couldnt bear to feel vunrable again. I was on anti depressants and under going CBT to try and help things. After the intial shock I stopped and thought it through, this is a baby, my baby and I need to step up and not let things take over. I even knew I would need operations while pregnant as I have a medical condition, I stopped the tables and chose the same hospital I had been assulted in to do my care, operations and to have the baby in.

Meeting my fears head on and dealing with them was the best choice ever and gave me no alternative but to face them and deal with them for the baby. Dont be hard on yourself its normal to be scared its a life changing event but it is also the best hing in the world - so take your time and do whats best for you and remember the depression and aniety wont always be there x

My DP and I had been together for just over 2 years when we found out I was pregnant. We were engaged and living together but I was absolutely terrified. I had been told I couldn't conceive naturally so we weren't using protection.
I spent the whole pregnancy partly in denial and partly terrified but when DD arrived I just got on with it, and now she's 20 months I couldn't imagine life without her.
I have very little money but I just don't spend money like I used to and quite enjoy my couple of shifts at work each week.
It's all worked out ok and I'm now pregnant with our second child. But even though we're very settled and bought a house when I was pregnant first time, I am still terrified this time round too! I think it's all quite normal. Well I hope so anyway!

totally normal,

felt absolutely terrifed and panicey with my first pregnancy, even though I loved my DH and in theory wanted to have children with him some day, the reality of bringing a new life into the world freaked me right out! kept thinking "what have we done', paniced about supporting DS etc

First baby is a massive change, suddenly you care about what happens long after your even alive any more!

I just stopped watching the news

and it's been brilliant! not sayng it doesn't challenge your relationship, but it can enhance it too

2nd pregnancy has been different so far, we're already parents so its not such a huge leap into the unknown

good luch and congratulations

Hello, Just wanted to say...thankyou so much to everyone who replied and helped me put my worrys at ease.
I'm....really....really destroyed to say that...i started miss carrying yesterday ;( I went for a scan and saw nothing in my womb, then my bloods came back saying my levels had dropped and then i started bleeding.
I'm completly heart broken, getting pregnant is something ive always wanted and once the oh my god scary stage had worn off we were already making plans and we even opened up an saving account specially for little bump :(
They think it might have been an eptopic pregnancy so i just have to keep telling myself that if it was then this way is for the best but it hurts so much.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and that it took so long to get back to you.