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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Just found out I'm pregnant - don't know how to tell boyfriend...

12 replies

octanegirl · 08/05/2012 16:13

We've only been together for four months. This was not planned. I've no idea how to broach the subject or when. Naturally I'm afraid of a negative reaction and that, worst case, it damages or ends our relationship. He's lovely and we love each other but this is very very soon to have a baby.
I'm only maybe 3 weeks pregnant so am thinking I ought to wait longer before saying anything as often the embryos reabsorb early on, don't they? In which case no one will ever have needed know....

OP posts:

LowFlyingBirds · 08/05/2012 16:23

I would give myself a little time to decide whether i wanted to keep the baby or not. May be a hard enugh decision without having to deal with his preferences too.
And i would make this decision with the assumption that i would be a single parent.

oikopolis · 08/05/2012 16:59

agree with LFB, have a little think and once you're sure what you want to do, then tell him what's happened. the reason i say this is because realistically, you may not stay with this person, so you can't really allow his opinion to influence you iyswim?

he might convince you to keep the baby, and then end up leaving.

he might convince you to have an abortion on pain of him leaving you, and then leave anyway!

either way, you'll have to be responsible for the decision ultimately. it's very easy for him to abdicate responsibility unfortunately. he may be lovely, but even lovely people do very unexpected things when they are afraid.

don't be afraid yourself though. it will all work out the way it should. take comfort in that :)

MrsHoarder · 09/05/2012 08:08

Just for reference, you say you are 3 weeks pregnant. Is that 3 weeks since conception or since your last period? Because dates for maternal care are from the start of your last period (ie if your period is a week late, you are probably 5 weeks pregnant).

You do have a 1/4 chance of miscarriage at this point (less if you are younger), but if you are thinking that you want to keep the baby, get yourself some folic acid and start taking it.

Then oik is right, you need to decide what you want. If you need help with this, talk to someone in confidence. Obviously you will need to tell your boyfriend at some point, but discuss with your GP or maybe (if she will keep it quiet) your mum.

And don't worry about him ending the relationship over this. If he does do that, then he obviously wasn't worth it anyway.

Original poster

octanegirl · 09/05/2012 09:28

3 weeks since conception (so 5 weeks from start of last period).
I haven't even considered an abortion - I'm in my 30's and it's just not an option. I did get some folic acid yesterday....
You are right - if he ditches me he wasn't worth it - that said, this puts tremendous pressure very early on in a relationship.
I'm scared to tell him because I don't want to see his face if it isn't something he wants...

OP posts:

livismum · 09/05/2012 10:06

You never know you might get a good reaction! We weren't trying when I fell with DD1 although we had been together years and were engaged, my DP was away on an OU course and it was his bday when I found out, I phoned him and told him (didn't really think it through just did it!) he was very shocked and surprised and when I spoke to him the next day he confided that he had gone out had a few to drink, punched a wall but had come to terms with it and so what if it happened earlier than planned it was great! Nearly 8years on I'm 6 weeks PG with DC3, he is a fab Daddy and we are very happy! I see friends trying to decide when to start a family and am glad it just happened as don't know when we would have got round to it!
Good luck!

FushiasFairy · 09/05/2012 11:09

I have a DD who is 14mo and when I fell pregnant with her I had only been with her father for three/four months.
He asked me to have an abortion - which I didn't want, because as soon as I saw that positive test I knew for a fact i'd be keeping the baby.
I was honest with him and told him that if I had an abortion I couldn't stay with him as i'd resent him for it.
He stayed with me, but spent the whole 9 months telling me he didn't want the baby. After she was born I knew it wasn't what he wanted, and we're not together any more.
But I love my daughter and am so glad I had her, and also glad I realised early on that me and her father weren't right for eachother.
I now have a fiance who's child i'm carrying and he is over the moon that he's going to be a daddy, and is also a fantastic step dad to my DD.

Every situation is different and whatever is meant to be will be. He needs to know either way, so he can make a decision for himself. He may be happy and support you, he may not. Just be brave, and make sure you know exactly what you want. Remember that everything happens for a reason. :)

Original poster

octanegirl · 09/05/2012 11:38

Thank you - I know I have to tell him soon as aside from anything I'm going spare with stress...blimey.
As FuschiasFairy says, everything happens for a reason. Just hope it's a good reason...

OP posts:

MrsHoarder · 09/05/2012 12:02

In that case, hope it all goes well.

Just wanted to point out dates because around here midwife booking is from 6-8 weeks etc, so you want to get on the NHS treadmill fairly soon to be sure of getting your 12 week scan booked on time. I didn't realise this before I was pregnant and was expecting everything to happen 2 weeks later than it did!

As for the look on his face, we were TTC and DH still looked shocked when I told him I was actually pregnant, so you might want to give him some time to recover/process before you judge his reaction.

RockChick1984 · 09/05/2012 15:44

I had been with my partner 6 months when I found out I was pregnant. It was a shock, and I was terrified about telling him, but things worked out I the long term, and he's now my husband and I've never been happier so i do feel it was meant to be!

Original poster

octanegirl · 09/05/2012 17:16

Ahhh thank you RockChick!!! That's made me feel better.
I'll tell him this weekend. Just need to find the right moment.....

OP posts:

iwantbabies · 09/05/2012 20:19

I get the sense that you feel responsible for becoming pregnant. It takes two to tango! He is as much responsible for the pregnancy as you so you mustn't feel that you have done something wrong. As the others have said he may be supportive. If you love each other things will most likely work out. Goodluck!

WantAnOrange · 09/05/2012 20:47

DH and I had been together for 2 months when I found out I was pregnant. Six years later we are married, with baby number 2 on the way. You just don't know how things will work out. But I think you need to start with asking him. Be honest with him. If you are going to be parents you need to get good at talking and listening, and making joined descisions.

I agree with iwantbabies though. If he did try and run for the hills, you would do well to remind him that he is a grown up and (I presume) knew what sex of for!

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