Told my boss, mixed feelings!

[mcsquared]

I finally plucked up the courage to tell my new boss about my pregnancy thanks to a quick rush of adrenalin and he took it surprisingly well! He was clearly taken aback but said congratulations and didn't make me feel even more guilty than I already do (only signed my contract last week)!

However, my relief was short-lived when he said not to mention it to my colleagues yet (which I wasn't going to anyway), particularly one lady - who I work quite closely with! Apparently she is 'sensitive' to pregnancy both professionally and personally but obviously my boss didn't delve into details. I don't know what this means but have a horrible feeling that maybe she can't have children and this will be a kick in the face for her. She's been really supportive since I've started and I don't want things to be awkward or weird between us but I guess I'll wait for my boss to discuss it with her and see how we go.

I hope I can make enough of an impression for her to be happy for me rather than awkward, else it'll become a difficult working environment. I dunno. Any advice from anyone who's been in a similar situation? Although I guess I'm not even certain that this is the situation, her "sensitivity" could be any number of things!

I told my boss I was pregnant two weeks after (unknown to me) a lady who works in our company but a different department had a late MC. He gave me the gist of what happened and when she returned to work I was very careful not to be too OTT when telling people.

A couple of weeks later she came to work in our office and to her credit was absolutely lovely and asked me lots about my preg although I never mentionned it until she did. Although she did give me lots of well-meaning advice about things I shouldn't do in pregnancy (which I had been doing, like taking the stairs, wearing heels), I think this was out of concern rather than her trying to scare me.

I suppose in summary perhaps it might be best to email the news rather than tell her face to face, so she can go and have a little cry in the toilets if she needs to, and afterwards don't mention it until she does?

This sort of touches a nerve with me because I had a colleague who was also a friend who got pg when I was struggling with IVF and losses. She was a nightmare to deal with, and I was stuck with her - it made my working life a misery for a while.

I think the key thing to remember is that she's going to feel a lot worse than you are, and not to be annoyed because you feel she's not coping well or that you aren't able to talk about the pregnancy as much as you'd want.

She might be fine. But I'd avoid bringing up the pregnancy with her unless she asks. Particularly avoid complaining about it. And don't do stuff that might make her feel trapped in an awkward situation, like showing off your scan photos in front of a group of colleagues that includes her.

It works both ways - you're unlikely to want to go to work about her infertility and pregnancy loss woes in case it makes you feel bad. She may not want to hear much about your pregnancy for the same reason. If she does make an effort to ask about how things are going, do the same and ask her about stuff in her life, too. If she doesn't, then just keep things professional.

Thanks guys, it was good to hear your perspective! I don't imagine I'll be talking about my pregnancy at work purely because I don't really know anyone that well yet to feel comfortable talking about something so personal to me. Even less so now that I've spoken to my boss. It's just that she'll obviously find out at some point and I guess this will be the elephant in the room. I still want her to see me as the person she hired rather than an awful reminder of a terrible memory.

You're both right though, if she asks me and talks to me about it then fair enough but otherwise I'll keep quiet. : )

I can see this from both sides my old boss didn't have children and thought it was ok to make my life a living hell because I did but I have been TTC%232 for 3 years and I find it incredibly difficult at times but I think as long as you try not to talk about it too much to her/ in front of her and show that you are still perfectly capable of doing your job you will be fine

Congratulations BTW

The fact you are sensitive towards her and considering how to deal with it suggests to me you'll do the right thing :)

Generally I haven't discussed my pg at work unless people have specifically asked (except close friends) as there are lots of reasons why people may/not be interested/it be appropriate. I have a friend who has just split with her partner and was keen to have kids so there are sensitivities any which way.

Congrats :)

Just to update, my boss was probably being overly sensitive (being of a very nervous bloke disposition).

Turns out my colleague is currently looking into adoption, and he was worried she may put her plans on hold because of me going on maternity leave. I hadn't really discussed my pregnancy with her, but she was really happy when she found out and later opened up re: adoption. As she's just starting the process, I'll likely be back at work before she needs any adoption leave, so professionally it should all work out.

I'm not really talking about the pregnancy unless asked anyway, but feeling a lot more positive at work and I'm happy that there's no awkwardness between us because I really like and respect her!