Teacher guilt - soo sick and soo tired, what would you do?

[itdoesnthurttohavemanners]

I'm a teacher...and I'm 12 weeks pg. School do not know yet - I lost our last baby quite late on, so I'm waiting until my dating scan in another 2 weeks (had an early scan at 8 weeks..all ok) before I tell them. ONLY problem is...technically my contract finishes in July. School have said they will extend it until Christmas, but I have nothing in writing from them...yet.

I'm worried that IF i tell them I'm pg now, they won't give me the contract (leaving me with 2 months unpaid over the summer) and then having to find supply work when I'm 7 months pg.

However, I am sooo ill with ms and fatigue. I have managed to get through the last 12 weeks with just 3 days absence that I put down to a virus. I have my booking in appt on Weds, so will have to phone in sick for that. I don't want them thinking that I'm a shirker and constantly phoning in sick for rubbish 'man up' reasons, when actually it's killing me going into work at the minute. If they think 'oh here we go, another sick day', they might change their mind about the contract?

Oh. And final problem! I'm an NQT. Only allowed 30 sick days before you have to redo a term...I've had 5 so far.

What should I do? Phone in sick Wednesday or tell them I'm pg and actually I need the day for a pg appointment? Do I risk the head not giving me the contract on paper? Or should I take her word for it, and hope that she wouldn't go back on her word just because I'm pg? My friend thinks I should take the whole week off (4 days sick) and just try and get some energy back (because I could do quite a lot of planning this week if I were off)

Teacher guilt is killing me!

What should I do?! HELP PLEASE MN's!!!

I would tell them you have a hospital appt. You don't have to say any more than that. They can't ask you what it's for. Just take the morning or the afternoon - you don't have to take a whole day.

If it was me and I wanted the work until Christmas I'd keep slogging away and not say anything. If you're 12 weeks, hopefully the debilitating pregnancy symptoms will soon ease up. Most women feel at their best in their middle trimester, so with a bit of luck, so will you.

I think they'd appreciate the honesty rather than fibbing about being sick to take appointments. I'm sure they'd be sympathetic.

I'm inclined to agree. Hmm. Problem is...appointment is at 10am...I can't guarantee I'll be back for 1pm lesson start. (hosp is 22 miles away...last time I was there, I was waiting for 90 minutes before I even got seen!)

You need to tell them you've got an appointment - if they find out you've lied about being sick they won't renew your contract anyway.

I think you should be honest with your H/T. As PotteringAlong says, they would work out that you were lying soon enough and that won't look good.
Bite the bullet, explain your worries and concerns and hope they keep you on as you're an amazing teacher!

PS I wouldn't worry about the 30days/5 days sick leave - you are way off that!

Good luck - whatever you decide.

Even if you're not seen until 11.30 (and hopefully they wouldn't get that far behind by 10am!), then surely you could still be back by 1pm? I would be pro-active in the waiting room too - if you haven't been seen within a half hour of your appointment time I'd go to the receptionist and explain that you've only got a limited amount of time to wait.

Yes, it's the lying that I don't like. I feel I've needed to keep it secret as last time it was awful having to 'un-tell' everyone when we lost our baby. However, as time moves on (and I am starting to show now!) I really feel I need more support. I have a very tough class (lots of behaviour issues and SEN issues) and limited TA support. Frankly, I'm amazed I've made it through the last few weeks! Exhausted/sick isn't the word.

Thinking of ringing the Head now and having an honest chat. (and hoping that she won't retract her verbal offer of employment until Christmas just because I'm pg)

Juneau - my last booking in appointment lasted an hour an a hour. I have a few complex health issues that always end up getting discussed in detail! I was incredibly pro-active last time we were waiting, didn't get us anywhere sadly. (this is where I wish I was rich enough to go private!)

*an hour and a half. Typo..can you tell my head is all fluffy!

You only need tell the head, they can get over and as far as the contract is concerned they'll be more likely to extend if you are honest.

I have had a very tough class this year and said I was pregnant straight away because I wanted to ensure I got the support I needed and wasn't required to do some of the more physical requirements. I've found the earlier I've turned up the earlier I've been seen. Don't know if that may help?

They can get *cover not over!!

You can tell the head and explain that you don't want other people to know until date x. I had to tell one person (studying rather than working) to get appropriate support, she told me that there was one other person who knew and it didn't become general knowledge until around 20 weeks. They have a duty to keep personal information confidential.

This does risk getting the contract until Christmas, but otoh they might keep you until then if you are a good teacher. Honesty has generally done me more good in the long run.

I have manned up and spoken to the Head. She sent me home today saying I looked very poorly and to have a rest. She was completely understanding and I feel it's taken a huge weight off my shoulders.

Thank you everyone.

Good skills! Glad it worked out ok

Good to hear OP.

I totally know what you mean about teacher guilt. I'm year 2 and I had to go into work today and tell them my doctor has signed me off until my due date (December!) because of some antibody issues I have.

So many people have said "you lucky thing!" but I feel awful about it! SATs coming up, and you feel like you let the children down, your colleagues down etc etc.

BUT you have to remember that your health and that of your baby is by far the most important thing. They will get over it, you have to put yourself first.

I was also waiting on a new contract, which would have given me much more maternity entitlement than I have now. In the end I had to tell them anyway before it was finalised, so I know its not on the table now. At least I can say I was honest and didn't try to get more than my due, or mess them around....

Good stuff!

If it's any help I had massive teacher guilt throughout my pregnancy. 6 months into my maternity leave I've got a hazy feeling it's the GCSE in my subject next week (I'm the head of department) but I don't really care. I never thought teacher guilt would go, but it has with a vengence!

Thanks everyone! It is silly feeling guilty, but you really really can't help it, as you all seem to understand! We've got optional SATS next week (I'm Year 4)..in reality, the sensible, good teacher in me says EVEN if I did nothing else with them until July, they have progressed an enormous amount since they came to me. Yet, a huge part of me just feels like I'm letting them down leaving them with a supply teacher.

Cupofjoy - take it easy. You do deserve to put yourself first and rest! I'm sure you've done MORE than enough for your Year 2's to fly through their SATS..and all thanks to you :D

You're not letting them down! You're leaving them with a qualified, professional individual who will teach them to the best of their ability.

Hope you're feeling ok

Thank you pottering. Well I've just come back from the appointment - left the house at 9.30am and literally just walked in! So just as well I was able to take the full day off!

Still feeling sick etc. Good news is though that they've told me to rest for a couple of days because my blood pressure has shot up. Felt incredibly guilty ringing work to say so, but they were SO supportive about it, I now just feel relieved I can relax for a couple of days and hopefully get some rest that I need.

I have also just booked a private scan for Saturday, so that it will put my mind at ease and I can concentrate back on work next week.