3 and a half year age gap - any experience/advice appreciated.

[fluzle]

My second baby is due in July, by which time my little girl will be 3 and a half. She is the most independent and feisty of tots but she has had me all to herself so far, so I know this new arrangement is going to come as somewhat of a shock! She is very sociable, goes to nursery and pre-school and absolutely loves other people's babies, but I would really appreciate hearing other people's experiences of this sort of age gap and any top tips anyone might have on how to make this change as easy as possible for everyone!
Many thanks

I had exactly the same age gap when DD arrived. DS was very pleased about her and thought she was very cute. I expected problems but he seemed totally fine with it, I was a bit surprised tbh! He wasn't really interested in the preg before she arrived and after she was born, he would come and look at her and stroke her head, but other than that he just carried on as normal.

There wasn't really any jealousy, although maybe further on down the line a few tantrums as I dealt with her first, but he soon got used to that and now DD is 1.5, they get on well (apart from when they fight over toys!).

Am now preg with DC3 - am not sure DD will be quite so accomodating when this baby is born. She still shrieks when I cuddle her brother and not her - I think there will be jealousy this time round!

congrats and good luck!

I have exactly 3.5 years between my two and I love it as an age gap. DS1 was old enough to help out a bit (grabbing a nappy, a cloth, etc and handing it to me), he was potty-trained, could feed and dress himself (mostly), and he was old enough to not need a push chair any more, so I could keep my single stroller and not buy a double.

The only down side is the one you're fearing - that the older one is old enough to be thoroughly used to being the centre of everyone's attention - not only your's and DH's, but the wider family too. DS1, in our case, had his nose put quite out of joint by this and acted up quite a bit in the early months. He went through a phase of saying 'I don't love you mummy', which was quite upsetting. The good news is that he eventually (after about 5 months), got over it and gradually forgot that he used to be an only one. DS2 will be one this week and as I type this they're playing on the floor together, DS1 blowing bubbles for DS2. They adore each other and any jealousy is, thankfully, a thing of the past.

Congrats on your pregnancy

Thanks so much - it's reassuring to hear from other mums who've survived it! My little poppet is currently the only tot in our family, and is doted on by many! Going to try and arrange it so that she still gets her Granny'n'Grandad time, and also to try and have some time just the two of us. Breastfeeding was a bit of a nightmare last time, so I foresee an element of bottlefeeding anyway, which would make it easier for my husband to take charge for a few hours (as alarming as he finds little babies!).
Thanks again

I think it is a nice gap too. Its swings and roundabouts anyway but i had a 3 yr gap between my two and it made me happy that I could talk to my older one and tell him what we were doing instead of those long newborn days with no real feedback - he kept me sane really, I think it is easier in a way having two around.
My boys do fight but they are also absolutely sweet together a lot of the time.
Also as other posters said - dressing self, feeding self, toilet trained is a major bonus.

The only downside is that it maybe takes a bit longer before they are into tthe same stuff, and also now it seems to be ages before my no2 can join no1 at school.

I have 37 months between mine and second everything Juneau said. DS has had some 'experimental' behaviour since DD was born in October, but I think this is primarily down to being 3. He has never directed any anger ir frustration at DD.

I have 3 yrs and 2 months between my girls, and I agree with the other posters - what worked really well was DD1 being settled in per school before DD2 arrived, meaning she has her own 'big girl' thing and a settled routine. She seems to have matured beyond belief in the three months since DD2 was born, and is revelling in the status and responsibility that being a big sister brings, and she is so loving towards DD2. I came back from the loo today and she told me that 'me and DD2 have been having a chat about what we like to do, DD2 likes to play games but I like to help you with your jobs Mummy'

It is a good idea to keep that special grandparent time for your older one, but also make some special time for you and them too. In the first week after DD2 arrived, family were great and took DD1 for days out and spoiled her rotten to free my time for DD1. She had a great time but when we had a chat at the end of the week, she told me liked the baby and was happy that she was a big sister, but she had missed me that week. The next day, I asked Grandma to take the baby between feeds, so DD1 and could have some one to one time - I felt guilty that I hadn't thought of that before.

DD1 does occasionally play up, but it is always obvious that it is a cry for attention, and the episodes are becoming fewer and further between now. It must be a big shock to suddenly get just 50% of the attention you are used to, but there is exactly 3 and a half years between my sister and I and I don't have any memories of childhood without her there, so I believe you must get used to it pretty quickly.

All the best for when number 2 arrives

Just under 4 year age gap with mine and DD has never been remotely jealous of DS - loves him to distraction, helps out loads and they are now just starting to play together too. So much love between them, it makes me well up to see them together!

Very wise friend of mine said recently to make sure you don't always prioritise the baby just because it is crying. Won't do the baby any harm to wait a little while sometimes but the older child WILL remember if they are always second for attention.

4 years and 8 days between my two (was slightly concerned they may share a birthday) I love this type of age gap, Pg again it's early days but DD2 will be 3.9 yrs if all goes well, my eldest loves being a big sister and is very patient with my feisty little one! She was the first grandchild on both sides and loves being in charge of her 4 younger cousins too! We always involved her and it was always "our" baby rather than mine, DH took her shopping for something for the baby, and although she was cautious at the hospital she was a great help at home. She has loved teaching her little sister things, and as others have said it swells me with pride at how lovely they play and get on (my sister and I have same age gap too and are best friends bar the ages between 13 and 20!)
Fingers crossed u have an equally happy home

My dd was 3yr 3months when dd2 was born in feb. she's shown absolutely no animosity towards the baby whatsoever but def played me up more.

I was in hospital longer than expected and that didnt help matters. She ended up having to be looked after by grandparents a lit and they spoilt her, over compensating for mummy being away. By the end if my hospital stay dd1 was completely blanking me.

When the grandparents visit now, to be honest the attention is mostly on dd1 still anyway because lets face it, babies are boring!

I've had a good 8 weeks if defiance though, lots of tantrums and she keeps getting in my bed because dd2 is allowed to sleep in my room! I make a point of doing nice activities when dd2 is asleep and then let dd1 know its dd2's turn when she gets fed etc. When i'm breastfeeding dd1 does have a habit of trying to climb up on me at the same tine for a cuddle and it all gets a bit suffocating having kids all over me.

Having said all that, its great because dd1 is old enough to understand what her baby sister needs. She'll fetch and carry for me, doesnt get agitated by the crying as I can explain it, and will entertain her in the bouncy chair whilst i cook. She loves every little change in her and constantly talks about 'when she's a bit bigger''.

I've also worked out that as dd1 goes to school, dd2 would be allowed at pre-school and i may take up reading or watching daytime rv whilst drinking gin or anything else that takes my fancy without two kids on my lap!!

Excuse the typos. Dd2 feeding and kicking my fingers all over my iphone.

FWIW, that's the same age gap between me and my sister, and I was THRILLED when she arrived all those years ago! Apparently, Mum said I was super helpful and very interested in everything that went on and loved having a new playmate. My sister now has two children of her own (I'm pg with my first even though she's younger) and hers are 3.5 years between them too and similarly, eldest loves his little sister and also likes to help out and be involved. I think because I was able to understand what was going on (and my sister says the same of her two), it made life easier and more fun for Mum. HTH. And congratulations .

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply, all of you. Some really good tips - I shall have to remember that about not always tending to the screaming babe first! - and I feel a bit more prepared for how life might be. Not all that long to go now but I just can't imagine what having two will be like! Yikes! Thanks again.

I know my mother thinks that 3 1/2 years is the optimum age gap as she spaced me and my two younger siblings by exactly that amount. It seemed to work well for her as she did not have two in nappies at the same time but we were not so far apart in age that we had nothing in common. We got on well and played together so I thinked it worked for us - we still get on well but as adults the age gap is less important of course.

Mum made it clear that she thought my 3 babies in 4 years was madness but as I pointed out she started having babies at 23 while I was 30 when I had first so time (imo) was of the essence.

Hello! This is from a very long time ago but I wonderred if these posters - or anyone else - had any more thoughts about a 3.5 year age gap. It will be the age gap between mine, and I'm a bit worried it's quite big and they won't have much in common. Is that a thing?