Why do people feel the need to tell you horror stories when your pregnant?!

[needsomesunshine]

I know these things happen but people seem to feel the need to scare you shitless with their birth stories, tales of miscarriage & other stories when your pregnant. I don't want to watch one born every minute & I am trying to stay positive.
I started another post about my dh having the snip & someone said maybe hes waiting to see how this pregnancy turns out?! I didn't even mention the loss of a child being a factor & it has nothing to do with that.
Why do people feel the need?

:) I don't know the answer to that. But the flip side is lots of people have also reassured me so can't complain.

That's true. They always end with "but I'm sure you'll be fine". I'm like cheers

Maybe just to warn of you of how things can go wrong so you can learn from their experiences...ive found them useful to manage my pregnancy and birth better and more cautiously

I don't know why they do it but I bloody wish they didn't!

I have no idea, it's quite odd. Everyone knows that things can and do go wrong in pg, being scared/horribly anxious about it is almost certain to make no bloody difference at all, if it happens obviously you deal with it.

I once worked on a postnatal ward and was heavily pg myself, I'd been off for a week and on my return a fellow worker rushed up to me to tell me that one of the cleaners who was a few weeks ahead of me had suffered a still birth. It was like she couldn't wait to tell me, in fact it was the first thing she said to me I'm probably being harsh but there was a glint of glee in her face . Really shagging odd.

It's a bit like the not having baby things in the house before it's born, morbid and pointless, because yes having a pram or cot set up at home is really going to increase the devastating pain of losing a baby .

But Billy the vast majority of mc and still births just could not have been prevented, obviously advice like getting checked out if you feel something is wrong, or you have reduced/increased movement is useful, but however cautious you are shit happens unfortunately. Most of the time there is zilcho point in worrying.

People have different approaches to things. Some people feel more comfortable having as much knowledge as possible and others are happier living in a bubble of ignorance. You need to decide which category you fit into and if the latter then interrupt every story with " is this a really positive story because if not please don't tell me it" and give them a big grin.

Plenty of people told me how grim parenthood would be but only my mother told me how much fun it would be! Children are the best, going from sticky chocolate mouthed kisses to uninhibited dancing to the Oompa Loompa song from Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory to foetal cuddles to looking so grown-up even though they're only in single figures! Don't be put off by the doom-mongers - parenthood is the best fun you can have with your clothes on (and sometimes without when they're blowing fantastic raspberries on your wobbly bits!!) Enjoy!!

It really annoyed me when I was pregnant too. I think a lot of it is actually unintentional as women need to share their birth experiences as a sort of catharsis I think and obviously it seems you only hear about the scary stories! Some women seem to think they are doing you a service by preparing you for the possibilities of what can go wrong but it's not like you can control it so might as well try to go in with a positive but realistic outlook I think. Also ignore the 'oh my god your life is going to be so different, you have no idea' comments and just smile. Do people think you haven't considered this?! It is your journey to make and you will make your own discoveries. And guess what - not everyone has the same experiences!

HOWEVER...

I had an amazing birth experience (of course happy to provide details if you want )- my little one is now eight months old - and I would really recommend Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. It is a bit hippychick (the chapter on orgasm during birth particularly far out IMHO but each to their own!) but it made me spend some time thinking about things and mentally preparing for the birth. There is some great stuff in there. I felt like I could achieve a natural birth after reading it! Obviously am not naive enough to think my experience is representative or because I read this book - I was v lucky and next birth could be an altogether less wonderful experience - but I found it to be very positive preparation and I loved giving birth (please do not flame me - am not hippy nutter at all and not for a second trying to say it was pain free or any of that guff, was just amazed by the whole experience).

At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter how the babe gets out as long as you are both safe. The birth is such a relatively short part of the whole thing. Wish I had spent longer thinking about what happens afterwards (in case you haven't gathered, I like to be prepared!).

Spend your pregnancy thinking as positively as you can about everything - I say this as perhaps the most worrisome person ever!

It's funny, but I loved hearing other people's birth stories. (unless they were ultra tragic, of course). I think i considered it was a bit like driving a car, other people's car accidents didn't mean to say that it was going to happen to me.

But I think if it does affect you then Casamama's idea of putting them off is a nice polite way of saying 'back off'.

Thanks for the book mention city monkey. I am considering a natural birth.

Also forgot to mention this us my fifth! I still get people saying ' ooh don't do this, don't eat that'! I will tell them next time " no advice needed thankyou!"

I think people have a natural desire to share stories about pregnancy. Unfortunately people don't filter out the bad. Also pregnancy can bring back a lot of memories for people who've suffered a loss so it might just be blurted out. It's a difficult situation. On the flip side I had a friend who went ballistic if the word miscarriage was uttered near her during her pregnancy - which I found too much. I've had friends drop me when pregnant because they dont like to be reminded of what can go wrong. It's a minefield for everyone. But on the whole people should be more sensitive around you.

And having baby things in the house after a loss does make it worse. Or it did for me. I couldn't even cope with all the things in the garage and it's a huge practical problem that you don't have the energy to sort out.

I guess its a way to connect with other women - something we all share on a physical level that makes us feel like we have something to share, something in common. Sometimes its tragic, but yes, that's life - I think in nature humans prefer to hear bad news/gore/horror, perhaps so we can say 'there but for the grace of God go I...' etc.

For the record, I was totally calm & ultra cool about my DD. Just didn't anticipate anything going wrong, just expected to have a baby somewhere near the due date. My DH was v superstitious & didn't want anything in the house, until I said we needed nappies, clothes, Moses basket etc ready for hospital/coming home!! I had her a couple of days before EDD & all went well.

With this one, having had an early pg loss, met loads of mums with tragic stories, premmie babies & so on, I feel all too aware that I am SO lucky to be nearly 12wks pg & it could all still go wrong. Not sure why I feel so anxious, but maybe forewarned isn'tforearmed when it comes to pg/labour/babies??!!

I try to keep in mind realistic statistics so I don't get too anxious but horror stories don't help me either. I might try the advice above when its public knowledge & well-intentioned 'advice' comes my way... :)

mrsarchie that brought tears to my eyes. So true and so well put. People want to Share their experiences. Be they good or bad. If you don't find then helpful smile sweetly and blank then.

I don't think ppl intend to scare with their stories they are just sharing what happened to them and like others have said some have complications and some go smoothly. Having a baby is the best experience which is why mothers will share their story at the drop of a heart beat, because it was such a magical time for them they don't invision the gore they are imagining the baby at the end of it. It's like reading one side of a story. If someone asks me about my previous pg and labours I'm not gonna dress it up all pretty because it wasn't and I'm doing it a 3rd time because all the horror and gore was worth the lil baby at the end of it

I'm on my third, and tbh the horror stories don't freak me out any more, because I have my own less than pleasant experiences in the bank (obv my children are lovely, but the births weren't). When I had my first, I did think nothing bad would ever happen to me, so wasn't that worried then either.

I did meet one woman at a baby group when I was pg, who is now a friend, and didn't find out for about a year after I met her that her first pg ended in stillbirth at 37 weeks. She said she hadn't told me because it wouldn't have been fair to tell me something so potentially scary.

I have shared my birth experiences with other people, but what I would say to a nervous first timer, and what I'd say to someone who had been through it themselves already would not necessarily be the same!