After a discouraging text from my ex last night I've not been able to calm down & get it out of my head. So emotional today which I know is hormones but can't stop crying. I couldn't sleep last night either as I was so angry at him, or maybe at myself for getting pregnant by a total turnip!
So long & short of it is I realised after a couple of months with this fella that he was actually not a very nice person, very controlling, manipulative & selfish. One example of such behaviour is after moving himself into my home he refused to contribute financially saying, "I don't see why I need to pay as you managed fine before me so you don't need the extra cash."
I sat him down for a conversation about my concerns and how I was unhappy as I did a hell of a lot for him (including running his shop for him, doing his accounts, his washing, buying him clothes, toiletries etc) and I felt didn't get anything in return. His response was that I was being unreasonable & he would go away & consider what I had said before responding. I found out I was pregnant the next day. He contributed my 'unreasonable behaviour' and 'nasty' comments as a by product of pregnancy hormones. I felt that my baby had a right to a stable upbringing so decided to try and make it work. After a month nothing had changed, he got worse with his controlling ways with comments like, "The baby's name will be.." "You cannot eat that" etc. but an unwillingness to a) help out around the house esp cleaning out the cat litter which I pointed out was more dangerous than eating a walnut or b) contributing anything financially. So I finished it.
So now he constantly bombards me with texts about how much he misses me and about how worried he is. I have been unlucky with a rough pregnancy with hyperemis for first 5 months resulting in 2 hospital stays & obviously have suffered from several other niggles too such as carpel tunnel syndrome (who even knew pregnancy could cause that?!), jaw pain, water retention, water infections etc etc. Being in hospital was fun, he couldn't contact me as he was too worried. So worried he had to close his shop, he was just so riddled with worry & concern that he did nothing!!
He's also so concerned about the baby that he missed the 20 week scan that he booked. And misses me so much that he missed my birthday. I'm wondering if these are signs that he doesn't actually care or if he's genuinely so angst ridden that he can't handle those things?! Oh and when he asked if he could come to NCT classes with me, I said he could if he helped contribute to the £200 cost. His reply? "Oh don't worry about it, I've had two kids before so I don't need to go".
Either way the final straw was last night when he said that despite whatever I'm going through with the pregnancy he is having a much worse time as he is worrying so much. Am I over reacting here or is he missing a very big point?
I could go on, and on. I just need to get it out as I am so upset that my poor baby has this for a father and that I am tied to him for the rest of my life. I almost wish he would just say he's not interested and having nothing to do with us. With this constant emotional blackmail he's making it so difficult. How do I handle this?