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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Any tips from second time mums?

12 replies

Birdies · 04/05/2012 17:57

Ive got a while to go but i'm starting to think about what i may need or what might be different when i have 2 babies (there will be 18 months between them, my DD is 9 months old at the mo). I'd love to hear of any tips from mums with 2 or more babies, e.g. things that helped you (like a twin buggy, i guess i'll need one of those?) or anything else you did to prepare or make it easier when your new baby arrived.

Thanks :)

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Birdies · 05/05/2012 15:03

Anyone? :( Hmm, maybe it was too open a question! Ok the other thing i'm wondering now is if there might be an issue with my dd being jealous of baby if shes 18 months when it arrives? I'd hate for her to feel that way but hopefully she will be too young?

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OhBrotherWhereArtThou · 06/05/2012 10:29

There is a bigger gap between my two, so have little advice on a practical front.

Before having DC2, I read somewhere that it was a good idea to make sure you aren't holding the baby when Dc1 comes to see you at the hospital. I did this, and was so pleased I did. DC1 was very clingy, she got up on the bed and lay beside me for the whole visit. So, it is one small thing that I would really recommend.

Hopefully someone will come along with some better advice for you :)

MummyPigandDaddyPig · 06/05/2012 11:32

Prepare a SAFE PLACE for the baby in the main living area so you have somewhere to put baby down out of reach of the toddler when the doorbell goes, loo break etc. I had a brilliant travel cot, a Graco Contour Electra with a napper and changing table. It was the best thing ever as DC1 was 18m when DC2 arrived and at least in the napper the new baby was safe and out of reach. Remember that some prams tip easily with an 18 month climbing on it so a travel cot or cot or playpen is much better.

I got a side by side twin pram, as I dont like the P&T type, really didnt like the idea of one baby being on the pavement with its head in the fumes...Silly I know but it just doesnt appeal to me. Now have a Mountain buggy and a BJCM side by side and both have been brilliant! Needed the double BJCM as we travel alot and the MB is HEAVY. The MB is better for comfort (3year old still sleeps in it and fits beautifully. I never got a cot for either as they are lie flat and with a footmuff and Morrck wrap the new baby was snug and safe. Also used the carseat adaptors and had baby parentfacing that way.

Ensure you have a good supportive sling as you will need hands free with both kids around. A good Babybjörn one is great, I have the comfort and can still get my 18m old in it when needed ie airplane travel and airports. it is a godsend.

Dont beat yourself up in the beginning, its really difficult with 2, but suddenly one day you get the hang of it and its easy peasy!

MummyPigandDaddyPig · 06/05/2012 11:33

Oh yes, as mentioned get a MORRCK wrap for the new baby, as it saves you having to dress 2 kids to go out. They are fab. Google Morrck and get one!

Chunkychicken · 06/05/2012 15:26

I've been lurking with interest as DC#2 is due in November, although DD will be 2,6yo.

My friend has an 18mth gap & her 2 girls seem v happy & not jealous, but I think it varies in the individual child/circumstances.

Didn't get a highchair first time for various reasons, but think a highchair will be useful for #2 so s/he is out of reach of DD at times.

And MummyPig that's great advice about the travel cot - something you don't have to think about with #1. Thank you.

RandomMess · 06/05/2012 15:36

I have 4dc - 5.5 year gap, 14 month gap and then a 2 year gap.

Travel cot - put baby down to nap in this every day during the day at least once, whether it's upstairs - this means you can go out for the day or away for the weekend and know they will happily sleep in said travel cot.

Double pushchair - yes absolutely, even if you're a wrap lover there will be times when it will be invaluable.

Playpen for the baby - something downstairs out of toddler's reach

Don't give the baby lots of attention in front of the toddler, you can have lots of cuddles and snuggles when toddler is in bed etc and minimises any jealousy.

Get one of those rigid baby seat for 0-9 months for the bath, best invention ever as you don't have to hold baby and they can bath together.

Do not turf 18 month old out of cot into a bed to save £££, everyone I know went from having a fab sleeper to a nightmare when they did. Far cheaper to buy a 2nd hand cot for baby when needed or a small ikea one which could be used from birth for long enough.

routine and toddler groups may well become your friend Grin Try to do one load of washing per day so it can dry overnight. I tended to do one first thing in the morning and get it hung out before heading out for the day, or in the evening and got dh to hang it up in the evening - just keeping on top of it was the key. Whites, darks, pink& reds on a rota type of thing. I washed nappied too just to add to the fun!

I also had a baby change station set up downstairs (more essential with washables tbf) - I had spd and toddler wasn't walking when baby born so was easier to be able to change baby and toddler either upstairs or downstairs. I couldn't change on the floor due to my bad back and knees.

RandomMess · 06/05/2012 15:41

If you bottle feed at all my other advice is to pre load those special 3 part containers with the formula amounts - they are meant for when you are going out and about but I used them all the time. This means if you can't remember half way through scooping the scoops you can tip the whole lot back into the formula box and start again Smile.

In all honesty breastfeeding made life much easier but I returned to work quite early with the first 3 so had to ff during the day.

McKayz · 06/05/2012 15:46

I have 21 months between my boys. They are 5 and 3 now.

Getting DS1 to 'help' was great for me. He felt so happy that he was needed to look after his baby brother. It was just simple things like asking him to pass me a nappy etc.

I had a phil and teds. It was brilliant. The side by side ones wouldn't fit into over half the shops where I live. So that might be something to think about when you start looking at prams.

Catsycat · 06/05/2012 15:55

Talk to your DD about the baby, once you feel comfortable doing so. We told DD1 about DD2 a little while after the 20 week scan, and did the same this time, now were expecting DD3. I ask them what the baby might be doing in my tummy, and tell them how she can hear them, and we talk about what she will be able to do when she is born, etc. Anything encouraging that makes it more real for them. It is always "your baby sister" we talk about too, so it's clear she is "theirs", and not a replacement baby now they are bigger! How much she understands isn't really the issue imo, its more about gradually getting the idea out there that there is a new baby coming, and this is a good thing!!!

Like ohBrother I'd also heard that you shouldn't be holding the baby the first time the older child meets it, and this seemed to work well with DD1 and DD2.

We got a present for the new baby from DD1 (and from DD1 and DD2 this time), and have a present ready for them from the baby. DD1 really enjoyed wrapping the present and decorating the paper, and loved that her baby sister came with a present for her!!! I'll get them both involved in the wrapping this time (need to get on with it actually as having ELCS 2 weeks tomorrow!).

Your DD may want to be involved with "helping" with the baby, and holding it etc. I would say to use this, rather than stop her, if you can. So, you could give her jobs to do (like fetching the wipes or a toy for the baby), or get her to sing songs to entertain the baby while you change the nappies etc, etc. DD1 always wanted to hold DD2, so we'd get her to sit right back on the sofa with her legs out, then lay DD2 over her legs (so she was properly supported), so she could have a cuddle. They bonded really well, and DD1 never felt she was excluded or "banned" from touching the baby. Obv this would all be supervised, and the baby put away safely when you need to leave the room!

A double buggy is the most obvious equipment you'll need. We have a Phil & Ted and it is fantastic - easy to manouvre and no bigger than a single buggy, so no problem getting into shops etc (a side by side buggy or long tandem would be a real problem in the shops where we live). You can go off-road with it too, so it's a nice design to bridge urban / rural use. The baby is well protected in the newborn position (limits the manky finers of strangers being poked into it's face!!!). My two have found the seats really comfortable, never any complaint about not being able to see from the back seat - in fact they are both more likely to want the back seat than the front one for some reason! The back seat isn't particularly low, the way it's angled is pretty good at raising the back child up. We bought our P&T when we had DD1, as we were planning to have at least 2 DC close together. When my friends had their second DC, at least 4 of them bought P&Ts too, partly on the strength of how good ours was.

Catsycat · 06/05/2012 15:59

Forgot to say, there is roughly a 28 month gap between DD1 and DD2, and will be the same between DD2 and DD3.

RandomMess · 06/05/2012 16:00

At 18 months remember a month is a very looooooooooooooong time, so I don't think you need to tell them about the baby too early just don't waffle on about the baby in front of your toddler Smile

There's a house inside my mummy is a fantastic book.

I too loved my P&T but I had one of the original Kiwi Explorer ones erm about 9 years ago!

Birdies · 06/05/2012 20:19

Thanks so much for the advice everyone, I really appreciate it - I'm going to start having a look on the internet for some of the things you've recommended to buy. And the tips to help DD feel included are brilliant too, thank you.

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