Wobbly about 3rd pregnancy

[heliotrope]

I've had a dawning realisation over the past 2 days that I'm pregnant. I don't even know my dates but due xmas/ny. Just really shocked that this has happened without trying, after ttc for over a year before getting pg with each of my older children. Feel really really stupid as we did know it might happen and had said, well if it does that will be great... but now it has, I am feeling really ambiguous about it, and then feeling terrible that I could feel this way about a child, when the older two were so badly wished for and I treasured every moment of being pregnant with them.

I hope its just hormones! I feel really upset about everything - coping with 3, costs, thinking my 2 dc are perfect as they are and why have I done this.

Apologies to anyone who thinks I should get a grip and be grateful for an amazing blessing, just needed to get my feelings off my chest and see if anyone has had similar.

I had this too. No.3 was long-debated, and when we went for it it was because we had very much decided we wanted no.3. I fell pregnant then miscarried at 7 weeks. Confirmed to both of us that we really really did want no.3. Fell pregnant again immediately following miscarriage and spent the first 20 weeks of the pregnancy feeling crap, wondering what I'd done, whether I'd cope, why I'd thought it was a good idea in the first place etc etc. It made no sense at all. It was morning sickness in a way I'd never had before but when I look back on it now (my beautiful baby is 1 next week!) I think I had mild pre-natal depression. I told my independent midwife how I was feeling and she was fab - said it's very common and very seldom talked about but I didn't really explore it with her, I just kept willing myself to snap out of it. I didn't manage to snap out of it though, and that's why I think it may have been a form of depression, which I've never suffered from before. It was horrible - I felt I'd had all joy and life-force sapped from me.

But congratulations! It could just be entirely natural doubts - that feeling at the beginning of a pregnancy that there's no going back, can you cope. 3 kids is increasing your workload, obviously. It's daunting! So I think I know how you feel even though it's irrational, but if you start to feel really down and full of doubt as the pregnancy progresses then maybe talk to someone. It did get better for me at around 25 weeks or so but to be honest I think I had the blues for the first few months of DC3's life and I wish I hadn't - he will be our last and I feel I haven't made the most of his babyhood somehow. Although with a third baby I'm not sure if that's just how it goes! Three children is really lovely though - I feel I have just the right number and my family is complete now, so no regrets. Good luck!

We were exactly the same in fact if u look back I posted very similar feelings I was terrified! I thought oh no what have we done ? What will I tell work!? What will I tell other people!? I was so freaked out which I didn't feel with my other 2? Really weird?? I'm
Now 27 weeks and feeling excited but at the same time anxious as I'm thinking oh 3 of them! And as I'm due end of July all 3 at home for 6 weeks! But I'm sure it will be lovely tee hee hee

Op, like you I felt very negative for pretty much the length of my 3rd pregnancy - was unplanned, worried about money, the effects on the 2 older dc....Dh was the same and I really worried if we would bond with the baby.....

Well ds3 is 3 weeks old today....Yes, making sure everybody gets enough attention, organisation etc is difficult but it's lovely to have a baby again...really love him to bits and he has slotted into our family.....

Op, how old are your dc?

Hi heliotrope

I could have written your post! We debated for the best part of a year whether to go for no3 and when we made up our mind it happened almost immediately. When I got the positive I felt really happy.

I am almost 12 weeks now and in a real state. For the past 2 weeks I have pretty much cried about it every day, I feel dreadful and have started to convince myself I have done the wrong thing and why wasn´t I just happy with my lot. I am terrified that I won´t cope and that it´s going to have a negative impact on my other 2 children. I have other concerns too...

I thought I had miscarried a few weeks ago and while I was waiting to see a Gynae I came to the conclusion that a miscarriage was for the best, I realise that will sound dreadful to others I got the shock of my life when he told me everything was normal and that I had placenta previa which was the cause of the bleeding.

I too am hoping it´s just hormones, I have to say I am feeling worse than I did in my previous pregnancies whiich I don´t suppose is helping my state of mind.

Thanks everyone I feel better just reading that I am not alone. Congratulations on your 3rd babies, minimuffin and Ilovespinach, and on your bumps Sarah and Peterpie.

My 2 boys will be 5.5 (in year 1) and 2.5 when new baby comes - I can't see the little one being best pleased - he's totally jealous about me, cuddly clinging and demanding - he's my beautiful baby though so maybe some of this is about not feeling quite ready to displace him. On the plus side it will be amazing to share the pregnancy/ bump etc with the older one who I'm sure will be very interested about it all.

Peterpie those are my feelings too. I've miscarried at this stage a couple of times before (in between my boys) and I feel at the moment as though I wouldn't be as upset as I've been before, may be more relieved. I feel terrible to admit that. But hormones being what they are, I think its just as likely I'd be devastated and instantly regret my thoughts.

I've always wanted a big family but we were at that turning point of deciding whether 2 would be it - which as far as I can see has a lot going for it if you are being rational! I wasn't ready to draw a line, but we hadn't really resolved the issue... heart vs. head. My partner was probably less in favour of having more than me, but when I told him last night was actually great... 'it'll be fine!" and cuddles at 4am when I was awake in tears about it all, which was the best thing he could have done.

I could have written your post too. I am 9 wks pg with number 3. My two will be 6 and 4 when baby arrives. We debated having a third pretty well since DC2 was born. I kept changing my mind back and forth. I love my neat family of 2 children, but also didn't feel done/wanted to do the baby bit again.

We said we'd try and see what mother nature dealt us, and here we are. Problem is I am still fluctuating. Being older I also have worries about the pregnancy that I didn't have so much with the others. I also had some bleeding early on and felt perhaps it would be for the best if it didn't stick (but feel awful for thinking that). I think it is just that there was never any doubt I wanted 2, absolutely definitely. But I don't HAVE to have a third.

I'm also not enjoying the pregnancy so far (sickness) and know the hardest bits are still to come, whilst looking after the other two. It is also hard to imagine how you will cope when you are feeling ill.

But if you could fast forward me to holding my lovely newborn and watching the other two meet and interact with their little brother/sister I would leap at the chance.....so hopefully it will all be worth it. [now to get through the next 7 months.....]

Thanks Heliotrope for starting this thread, it´s such a relief to know I´m not the only one feeling like this!

Mummyof3tobe - everything you mention really resonates with me.
I think it is just that there was never any doubt I wanted 2, absolutely definitely. But I don't HAVE to have a third.
This is what keeps going round and round in my head. However, I suppose it´s natural to have wobbles with your first as you don´t know what to expect, having a second is what you´re expected to do but having a third is a bit like going back to unknown territory again iyswim.

I haven´t even told anybody other than DH yet as I´m nervous about how people will react plus I am 38 now so no spring chicken either!

This was us 18 months ago. It was terrible discovering we were expecting number 3 and we did have to think about it for a few weeks.

Dc3 was born when dd was 7 & ds was 4. She has been the most amazing addition to our family. We are all totally in love with her and she has absolutely completed our family. She is almost 1 now and becoming a gorgeous little character.

I could also have written these posts and have/had many of the same feelings! Not helped by the reaction of others what you tell them (sorry peterpie I'm not helping you!). Many at work asked 'was it planned'. Others talk of the practicalities, costs, strain on your time. The excitement of others is much lower when you tell them you are pregnant with no 3! Yet I never felt our family was complete at the two gorgeous boys we already have. Only 6 weeks to go til no 3 arrives now and slightly worried as to how we will cope with 3 under fives, similarly I will have three at home for 6 weeks.

The scans definitely helped me fall in love with this bump, especially at 20 weeks. Trying hard to enjoy this pregnancy knowing it will be my last, but have also have strong feelings of simply getting through the first year of its life and that it had better be an easy baby and fit in!

Our second is also v clingy, jealous etc so I am nervous how he will react....

I'm another who had serious wobbles. My other 2 are 7 and 4 and I'm 40!
I didn't tell anyone for ages and have only just told my mum and family at almost 16 weeks. I'm telling work on Tuesday and am seriously nervous about it.

Most people have been thrilled for me but I've had the odd negative comment too.

I just decided whats meant to be is meant to be and its helped me to come to terms with it and now I'm looking forward to it.
I also had a couple of paranoid moments where I thought something was wrong and I realised I'd be devastated if something did go wrong. It helped to sort out how I really felt.

Congratulations!

OK I'm mellowing a bit already, still feel wobbly about it but getting a bit more used to the idea. As Mummyof3tobe says, introducing my dc to a new baby will be amazing. Reactions from family or work will probably be along the lines that peasizedbladder said. Not too bothered about what people think, but I do dread the tiredness to come, the way that we will not fit so perfectly with our closest friends who have units of 4, and can't believe we are going to land a child with a christmas birthday - dp has a christmas birthday, hates it, and always swore we'd only have spring and summer babies! I guess that bit is extremely trivial really.
I await the next loop of the emotional rollercoaster....
Thanks so much everyone for coming on and talking. I'd love to hear how everyone gets on with the bumps!