Pregnant & scared. Not feeling like I thought I would, please help

[kookslondon]

I've just found out I'm pregnant (5 weeks) and have told my boyfriend who I've been with for 1 year. I have been obsessing over actually being able to get pregnant as I am 34 and lots of my friends are really having trouble, lots of miscarriages and years of trying. I am now accidentally pregnant and thought I would be really happy but I'm so scared. I also thought I'd be married when this happened (some romantic notion, I know) and suddenly I feel really vulnerable and I'm terrified that it's too soon and I feel like I've let my boyfriend down by not being more careful. I always dreamed that the day I told my man I was pregnant would be happy and amazing but I just keep crying and I don't know why. I'm also scared that something will go wrong so I don't want to tell anyone, but I feel weird not telling my family. I'm sure this is just a load of waffle but I don't know who else to talk to about it so I thought I'd come here. Why am I not happy?

I think it's nomal to feel scared whatever your circumstances. What has your boyfriend said, is he happy with the news?

Think it's normal to be scared of something going wrong too, after all it's a very uncertain time.

Congratulations to you!

even with a much wanted baby feelings can change from day to day! when i look back now on our reaction ( been toghether about year and half), our shock etc to now ( unplanned), 4.5 years down the line we laugh nad it makes her even more speical because i remeber those panicky feelings...even with DC2 feel panicky some days..

He's kind of happy but shell-shocked I think. It wasn't our plan just yet, and we haven't discussed marriage/babies properly at all so he feels it's all surged forward really quickly.

Is it best to wait until 12 weeks before telling anyone at all? I don't know if I can cope with it all on my own for that long!

It is best to do whatever you feel is best. If you want to tell people then go for it. I told family and close friends from 6 weeks. I wanted them to share in our happiness and also would have wanted their support if anyhting went wrong. As it happened we did have a couple of scares and them knowing meant I didn't have to lie about why I didn't feel up to going out with them etc.

It is totally normal to feel scared- it has obviously been a suprise. Just give yourself and your DP time to get used to the idea.

It is normal to be going through all those feelings. I am 11 weeks and still worried about everything. We had been trying for 2 years so this baby is very much wanted but being pregnant is certainly a rollercoaster of emotions. Your hormones are all over the place, you are more sensitive and knowing that you've got someone growing inside of you makes you worry as you instinctively want to protect the baby and make sure everything is well.

It is understandable that you are both still shocked from the news as it hasn't sunk in properly yet but as the pregnancy progresses, I am sure that you will become more involved and attached.

I have only told two of my closest friends who were following my fertility problems very closely but no family yet...still not sure whether I should wait 2 more weeks until the scan or not. As others have said, follow your gut instinct and do what feels right for you and try to stay away from all the scare stories on the internet!

I have to say straight away, Congratulations!

I never got to the point of the 'right time' and now I'm in my late 30s and wish we'd tried a bit earlier.
I think men seem to have very different reactions about pregnancy. My DH is happy now but wasn't at the start which made me feel very emotional and harder to deal with too. I was soooo worried at the start, eg. I spent a whole morning crying as my mw mucked up my scan date. Looking back (now 26+6) the first three months were awash with emotion, feeling vulnerable and needing some reassurance. Mumsnet has been great and also a close friend too at the beginning. That said, the emotions were up and down - happy, crazy worry etc!
Hope all goes well and if you wish to tell others, then do, there's no rule saying you really should wait until 12 weeks. I waited to tell most people, including my mum, who would have asked me everyday about how I was etc which would have driven me crazy at the time.

Thanks so much, it's so helpful to hear that I'm not the only one who has had these kind of feelings. It's really hard to suddenly be unexpectedly pregnant, I always thought I'd be trying for a while so when I did finally get pregnant I would at least feel a sense of achievement! But I'm just in shock and it doesn't really feel real at all. I desperately want my 12 wk scan to hurry up so I can see proof and start feeling like it's real! I feel like I'm in a movie...weird...fingers crossed I'll get more used to it/happier xx