Planning a pregnancy: the essentials. (not pregnant, just a wannabe mom)

[PiercedAndPretty]

So I'm 18, 19 in 4 days woo and a uni student...finishing my first year in 3 weeks yay. I'm working two jobs cos I'm skint, and even considering Avon and other in between commission jobs to keep me going till I get my loan back in September. I met my boyfriend at uni, 2 months after an abusive, horrible relationship. (thinking of it now makes me feel sick!) My current boyfriend who I've been with 6 months now is not a student, he's soon to be 30 and works 40 hours in a warehouse. He's just got a promotion but won't get a pay rise (he took it for experience so he can apply to managerial positions later). He is someone I'm completely happy with, I trust him, he dotes on me, and the moment I met him ( I even drunkenly blurted this out to him only a few days after we met, cos I'm so uncool) that he would be my baby's daddy. :) You possibly think I'm rushing into things, but I'm sure he is the one: he keeps me grounded. We're gonna wait till my course is done and when I'm in full time employment (so I'm gonna study hard to get a job quicker) then we will both be financially stable (apart from paying off my loans). We have had to have health checks, as we're not so good...nothing too serious though. And I just wanna know how to prepare money wise and health and homewise what I should do before and after I have a baby, so it has the best possible start in life. I know its a few years off but I'm so broody and excited! I want to ensure I'm not an idiot by the time I'm pregnant :)

Folic acid - make sure you are taking it before you start trying.

Take your time, you have a lifetime ahead of you. Have fun! DC's are wonderful and give your life a meaning you can never know about before you have them but they are bloody hard work.

Well, people have babies in all sorts of circumstances, so there is no "right" way to go about it.

If I were to give you the advice I'd give my own DDs, then IMO, you're doing the right thing concentrating on finishing your course and getting a job so that you can become financially stable. Once you are working/finished uni, you can figure out what you can afford with regard to saving money, where to live etc, by doing a monthly budget of your income and outgoings. You sound like you are both hard workers, which is great. In an ideal world, I guess you should be eating healthily and keeping fit if possible too, and when you decide to try to get pregnant, take folic acid first.

You have lots of time to work all this out, I'm guessing 2 years if you're on a 3 year course? That will also give you time to work out if your boyfriend really is "the one", and for you both to get to know each other really well before taking what is a really big step. Enjoy your time together without children, as you won't get that back for many years once you have them!

You don't need to do any preparation at the moment. Just concentrate on doing well at university and the rest will come later. Keep yourself in good health and fitness, keep your weight within the healthy range. Eat a sensible diet. All things that people ought to do anyway. If you smoke, give up. Keep drinking to reasonable levels but that doesn't mean you can't let your hair down sometimes too.

As for housing and financial security, don't fret about that until you leave university and start work.

I echo all the other posts on here & commend you for wanting to prepare.

I would, however, add a couple of cautionary notes.

1. For me it was very common to get very broody at the beginning of a new relationship, even ones that didn't turn out to last that long. It is probably linked to all those 'honeymoon' hormones, similar to those released in pg & childbirth etc, making you feel all loved up & content. You may change how you feel as you settle into a lovely but longer term relationship & get your career started. I'm not saying that's a given, but you may feel differently when you have the potential for an amazing job & lovely child-free life straight after uni. I mean, you're still young & you have LOADS of time to take care of yourself, work out what you want.

2. You can never really prepare for a child. I am well educated, intelligent, read books, went to classes & I still sat there looking at my DD feeling shocked that she was mine!!! And that was just the first 12hrs!! It is wonderful but totally incomprehensible until you do it. All you can do is hope you've done everything you can iyswim.

Good luck with uni :)

I'd say

• make sure you've lived with your DP for at least 6 months (or ideally a year) before getting pg. see how you get along when living together. does he do his fair share?

• ideally, see how your relationship is when one or both of you is going through something stressful or exhausting. do you still get along in those circumstances? do you support each other, or yell at each other?

• get as fit and healthy as you possibly can. There won't be time for exercise.

• work out what you want to do job wise and how it is going to work with a baby. Bear in mind employers will probably be more flexible/keen to have you back if you've already been with them a while (1.5+ years) by the time you go on maternity leave. So best to have been in your job for at least 9 months before you get pg.

• ideally, try to get in a position where you would be financially ok if you don't work at all after the child is born - as you may well find that your income is lower than the cost of childcare, so you'd probably end up not working.

• homewise: you don't need too much space, but you do want somewhere on the ground floor (buggy is a pain to get upstairs) and somewhere you feel safe walking around with a baby. Ideally somewhere near relatives who are willing to help out

I agree with the comments saying your feelings may change in a year or two's time. There are things you can do now which you will not be able to do later, if you have a child now. Whereas you can always have a child later.

• study hard at uni

• party hard while you're young

• give your relationship time to settle down before you make any permanent decisions

• don't rush figuring out what to do with your life, it can take a while to get it right

• learn to be happy with yourself, comfortable in your own skin, and clear about what you want

• don't compromise on things that really matter to you for a relationship. The right relationship for you won't require that

• make and keep lots of friends

Life love that advice!