Just found out pg with dc2, dc1 only 14 months!

[facejacker]

... And really freaked out :(

I just don't know how we will cope. DS just turned 14 months, and it's been really tough getting this far. He wasn't a great sleeper till he turned 1 (still isn't-really noise sensitive so have to creep around the house) and we had loads of issues with bfing. Just seems that now we are starting to enjoy being a little family, things are thrown into disarray again.

I really don't want to sound ungrateful-it's a huge blessing being pg (after suffering the heartache of a mmc at 17 weeks in the past before DS) but I can't help but feel I'm going to really struggle.

Is there anyone who's been there, and been able to cope better than they thought (miraculously)..?

Congratulations! That will be just under a 2 year gap which is really common and usual. Don't worry at all. I have a 17 month gap and it was fine too .

I discovered I was pg with dd when ds2 was 5 months old.
It worked out fine. Don't panic!

Me too, I had them 18 months apart.

You don't have so much to learn with your second. You already have a whole heap of skills you didn't have the first time round.

The baby will be born into a noisier household and will learn to settle with that being it's normal. And, the baby will have a whole extra person to love and play with.

Honestly, I MUCH preferred being a mother of two and three to one. It's really lovely seeing your wee baby turn into a Big Brother. It was much more interesting and it was much more fun.

You'll be fine.

Thanks so much ladies. I could burst into tears at how much better you've all made me feel.

I feel so bad for DS cos I don't want him to be pushed to the sidelines when the lo comes along, but I know that's the wrong way of looking at things. I should be happy he has a little playmate...

2 of my friends have a 13mth & 18mth age gap between their boys & girls (respectively) and I was beginning to feel that my potential 2.7yr age gap was HUGE. They have certain advantages that we won't have - baby stages over & done with quicker, eldest not old enough to get jealous, maternity leave in quick succession, knowing they definitely will need a double-buggy, having everything already set up for a young baby etc.

My DD is lovely, easy & quite grown up for a just 2yo but I still wonder how I'll do it!!! I mean, we couldn't have TTC any earlier for health reasons but I think you can't totally plan these things & people cope with whatever's thrown at them, its normal to worry though!

Good luck :)

Don't worry. DS is 14 months now, but will be several months older by the time the baby arrives - ime the older they get, the easier things like sleeping get. Even siblings can be completely different to each other (my two are, and I expect the baby I'm having in 3 weeks to be different again) so you may find the new baby is a really good sleeper.

As for DS being on the sidelines, again don't worry. Once you feel he can understand, and you are comfortable to do it, you could start talking to him about how he'd like a little sister / brother, chat about things you are doing to prepare for the baby, what the baby might be doing in your tummy etc. We did this with our DDs, and it seems to work really well. You can take him to buy the baby a present, nearer the time, and have a present ready for him from the baby. Chances are that once the baby is here, you will have to make him wait for things now and again, but try to explain why he has to wait (e.g. because the baby needs his/her nappy changed, and we don't want poo and wee everywhere, etc). You will be able to let him cuddle the baby, and help with bringing you toys / wipes etc, so there are lots of ways he will be able to, and want to be involved. It will be different to before, and there will be a period of adjustment, but I'm sure you will get there.

How pg are you? I have a 21 month gap between DS1 and DS2 and then a 23 month gap between DS2 and DD.

DS1 and DS2 are 4.5 and almost 3 now - they are constant playmates - from the moment they wake up until they fall asleep (often still calling out to each other through the bedroom wall) - running around giggling, shouting (arguing too, of course), making up games together. It is fab.

The first year is the hardest because both of them need constant attention. From the point the younger one is about 18 months it gets hugely easier as they entertain each other.

I would concentrate on making it as positive as possible for your older one. We bought 'big brother' books, talked about 'your baby' (rather than 'our' baby), introduced the baby to other people as 'DS1's little brother'. Also, when DS2 was born, grandparents were around to make a big fuss of DS1. And DH had quite a bit of paternity leave/holiday and was able to spend a lot of time with DS1 (and/or enable me to spend one-to-one time with DS1 too). All of that helped.

I really can't describe to you how wonderful it is having my little brood of three, all very close together. My SIL (who also has 3, but more spaced out) keeps telling me how lucky I am having them so close together because they all like the same activities - no having to drag an unwilling older child around a toddler-play-place etc. It's true, we pack them all in the back of the car or strap them all on the pram (DS1 rides on the footplate...) and go off to some very tame activity like the park, and they're all delighted with it...

It is obviously hard work too, very sleep-deprived and there is always a job to be done. But I feel like I'm getting all those hard-work early years done at once, instead of spacing them over several years (that's what I tell myself anyway).

Good luck. You are blessed, really.

Hi all, currently 31wks pg with DS2-DS1 is 18mths so should be 20mths by the time bump arrives! DS1 was born 4wks early by EMCS, absolutely fine but we had BF problems too and it's only in the last 2mths that he has started sleeping through the night. So, I share your pain.... I'm obviously very excited about DS2 and know how lucky we are, but DS1 has hit such a lovely stage that I feel constantly guilty for being so tired/huge/increasingly unable to run around with him! We are reading books to him that explain that a baby is on the way but I'm very conscious that he's going o get the shock of his life and also that I'm going to have to rely on tv/books/family to help look after him in the first few months-especially as it looks like I'll be having another CS. Anyway, as hard as it will be tobegin with, I think having a small age gap will be lovely in the future and hopefully they'll be the best of friends!!

Ds1 is 5

Ds2 is nearly 10 months.

I am 14 weeks pg!

Dc 1 is always a shock to the system IMO. You don't really know what to expect with dc1 and everything you think is going to happen is very rose tinted iyswim.

Dc2 is easier because your expectations are more realistic. You know what to expect and you know how tired etc you will feel.

It is easier.

And as for having a baby and a toddler together I can't really comment, but I'd imagine its tiring and at times stressful.

But they are absolutely worth it. I'm trying not to worry about it as there's just no point. We'll have to deal with it a d in a year or two things will be much easier and fingers crossed they'll play beautifully together.

Good luck x

Your story could have come from my own mouth, word for word!
I have a DD who's almost 14mo and am 11wks pregnant, and i've been worrying constantly about it as DD has always been a terrible sleeper and i'm worried about having to deal with a newborn aswell!

However, as BoysBoysBoysAndMe has said, it is often a lot easier with your second as you know what to expect, and also a couple of years down the line they'll be able to play together and grow up with a small age gap which i'm looking forward to.
I'm already pointing to my tummy and saying "your little brother or sister is in there!" while DD pats it and chatters away, and also holding her dollies and saying "awww baby" and kissing it and stroking it's face, and DD copies :)
I think she'll adore the new baby and i'm just hoping that the little things will get me through the first year or so!

I just keep reminding myself that by the time the baby arrives, DD will be very different from how she is now, hopefully sleeping properly and also able to entertain herself for a bit longer! Remember it all changes so quickly in the first few years so i'd suggest trying to look forward to that, and also looking forward to your DS having a friend for life :)

Again, thanks so much for all the positive messages. I think what I'm fearing really is that DH and I almost broke up after DS was born (sleep deprivation, difficulty bfing, colic and petty arguments does not a happy marriage make), and we've only started getting back on track. I don't cope with stress the best of times, so just hoping and praying that I can make it through this time. Isn't it bad that I'm so pessimistic? It could turn out wonderfully, and many of your stories are inspiring.

I CAN do it!

Like you I struggled with sleep deprivation with ds1. He wanted bf every 2 hours for nearly 4 months!!

I used to wake up in the morning and cry every morning I was just so exhausted. Fine after a cup of tea though

Ds2 was and is ff. in the early days it was still every 2-3 hours. But he quickly taking longer periods between feeds and if course I'm not the only one who can feed him, so I can get a power nap if need be if dh is around.

For me it was the best decision IMO. But that's probably a whole other thread!!

facejacker, maybe sit down with your DH and explain your worries to him?

Hi I'm in a similar situation to you my last lo only turned 1 yesterday and I found out 2 wk ago iv got my 1st scan morrow as I could be a lot further along iv had mixed emotions I had a panic attack when I saw the test one min I'm chuffed the next I don't want to have another baby. Iv got 2 boys ATM and that was meant to be it for us or at least till I had that urge for another in 5 yrs time or something iv never ha an accident before and hit me hard but iv managed to just put it to the bk of my mind an try not to think about it which works best for me. My 1st Ds was a nightmare iv even been to HV about ADHD as he is such a handful he was crawling at 3 months sofa surfing at 6 months always ahead and tantrums from birth he is almost 3 now and getting better and my 2nd Ds is an angel you wouldn't think they were brothers honest to god they are so different hope it helps iv always been told you never get 2 kids the same and it's best to have a handful 1st x