I obviously have the weirdest MIL, where do i collect my award?

[vix1980]

Ive posted numerous times before about her behaviour, within a week or so of finding out i was pregnant, she went and bought her own moses basket, baby bath and products, sling, cot bed,redecorated her daughters bedroom into a nursery, all for "when she has the baby". since then she has reduced her working hours by 20 a week so she can have the baby over 1 night then wont have to rush around the next day trying to get ready for work. all this she seems to think will happen around 2-3 weeks old. shes also an alcoholic so has no chance in hell of having the baby to stay till i say so (and even then tbh id have to be off my face on drugs she'd spiked me with).

on sunday we went out for bil's birthday, as usual she gets a bit too drunk and we start talking about names, everyone is throwing our useful and funny names and it was really fun, mil then starts saying how my dp should have been called carl, i say oh right dont hate the name, dont love it, so when i say ill keep looking she gets really offended and repeats the story of how it should of been dp's name. i try to ignore her then and carry on talking to the others, i hear her talking to herself (saying carl over and over again) this went on for a good 40 minutes where whenever there was a break in someone talking she would just keep saying carl. if it was a child i could explain it as a game but this is a 60 year old woman having a tantrum about a name literally screaming in my face CARL, CARL, CARL, CALL IT CARL. in the end dp and fil told her to shut up as she was doing everyones head in. i ignored her the rest of the day she;d obv had too much to drink and was just acting pissed.

the next day we visited again and she said to me quietly (stupid me thinking i was getting an apology for her behaviour), She said i should think seriously about calling it carl, and she is going to call it carl regardless so it could be a nickname for the baby. i didnt know whether to be or just laugh at her.

the funny thing is we havent even found out the sex of the baby so it could be a girl, point me in the direction of my award please.....

An award? I think we should have some sort of parade....

Blimey

(oh and there's not a chance in hell my children would be spending any time alone with her)

Crikey!

I wonder if she maybe lost a baby and in her head it was called Carl?

sounds like she needs a lot of help.

Last time we took her out for dinner with her I noticed her collecting the after dinner mint EMPTY WRAPPERS and putting them in her handbag. I asked her what she was doing and she flipped.

I know i should laugh at this but i cant help it . we popped into mil's before she was there once again trying her best to turn on her computer (has no idea at all and keeps ringing the internet company saying it is their fault the computer isnt working - god knows what they think of her) so dp showed her again for the 50th time, as she was watching she asked did we want to stay for tea i say no thanks richie, ive got something cooking at home anyone else would have queried what id just said, dp looked at me puzzled so i knew id been heard, mil didnt raise an eyelid.

this i believe confirms my suspiscions about her, shes not only a mental case, also deaf and after dp's strange concoction of home made soup using boiled water and pickled onions a rather terrible cook too!

as someone else said its more about her not having a life anymore which i find kind of sad, at the same time it is highly entertaining for my mum and the rest of my family to hear whats shes been up to lately, even dp has started to question her sanity lately!

You do win the prize but have to say what you're describing is highly concerning from a mental health perspective. I ageee it's not your issue to sort out but clearly she needs some help, not to be the butt of jokes and what is FIL doing about it?

Whilst totally overbearing and ridiculous from your perspective, she might feel this is something to really look forward to and focus her off booze? I think it would be fair for your DH to say the baby cannot stay unsupervised due to her drinking and everyone really hopes she seeks helps and then get FIL to see GP or someone else. Given she's changed her working week, think it would be fair to say now?

Sorry you're on the receiving end but I can't laugh as this is someone who is ill not just another irritating MIL. Hope she gets help and the situation improves for all of you.

Hi, i do appreciate your comment but from my point of view we have all spent the last 11 years trying to help her (her own family have spent most there lives trying to do so) she started drinking at 16 and is now in her late 50's.

we told her at first that the baby would be breastfed so wouldnt be going out with anyone else anyway - she didnt listen, we told her not to reduce her working hours as a, we hadnt expected her to and b, if i did need help i have a mum and dad who both work from home and are able to come round at short notice - she didnt listen, told her each step along the way not to do things (esp the moses basket, 2nd hand and tatty from a neighbour which she paid a lot of money for - she did it anyway).

fil knows what shes like but stands by her, once she needs a drink it can be horrible to see her in that state, fil had a party last year and was given lots of bottles of drink by friends as presents, he was forced to hide them and mil went mad that he wasnt sharing - the truth is she would of drunk them within a few nights, instead he wrapped them in bin bags and hid them in their fish pond in the back garden where she wouldnt of thought of looking, she admitted to even getting in the loft to look for them.

i do agree she has a problem, shes watched a mil and a brother die from liver disease specifically through drinking and each time promised to get help, oth times couldnt be bothered. as someone who was brought up with an alcoholic stepfather i dont wish to put myself in that place again as i dont wish that on my worst enemy. i do feel for dp as he gets extremely upset and angry with her, he doesnt feel he lost out in anyway but sometimes i can tell he is ashamed of her behaviour.

i think she realises there will be no overnight stays at her house while she is like this, weve told her enough times before so surely it should of sunk in, and yet it hasnt, this latest exploit of hers i agree doesnt seem to follow her normal pattern of behaviour, but im sorry i refuse to help her or go along with her plans to make her happy. i have a family member who is terminally ill and id rather spend my time and energy focusing on her instead of helping someone who doesnt want to be helped. she wont be getting my baby like she imagines, if that sends her over the edge, then as far as im concerned it may be the push that helps her.

That is seriously weird. Yes you can have the award but I agree she's in need to some professional mental care. You will need to keep a close eye on her in case she develops delusions which could be harmful to your baby.

I relate to what you're saying about feeling unable and unwilling to help. Apart from clearly not having the foundation of a solid relationship with her that would enable your help to be effective, you also have your own concerns - you're pregnant!

It really is up to your DP and FIL to get serious about helping her. I also see it as their role to intervene more between the two of you. If she starts behaving weirdly again, they need to be assertive with her and back you up.

You're both vulnerable. She's unwell and unstable, you're pregnant. She's not your responsibility as you rightly say. She is SOMEONE'S responsibility though, and they need to step up.

yikes.....I thought mine was bonkers...

she's been more than a bit weird since fil died a few years ago. she talks about him to her other grandchildren as if he's still alive, like how old he is and all that....proper crazy stuff...and she's slightly obsessed with taking pics of her grandchildren next to his grave....fortunately DD still too young to do any over-nighters because she lives miles away but DH and I defo worried about how she's going to be with her. hmmmm.

Sounds to me like you'd do well to keep your DC as far away from your MIL as poss - a proper headcase who really isn't well mentally.

just to add - there's lots of 'enabling' behaviour that goes on with addicts within families. Whilst your fil might think he's doing the right thing hiding booze from her, what she needs is for him to refuse to part of her addiction. its very difficult and very complicated....speak to your GP/maybe get in touch with AA who might be able to give you some initial advice. And I do understand its not your responsiblity directly but maybe its a case of making some inroads and if people refuse to do anything then that's the point at which I was take a big step back from the situation. You can refuse to conduct a relationship with her whilst she continues to abuse alcohol - this is not mean, its a protective measure for you and your family. they are your priority now.

LOL... This was the chuckle I needed! Seriously, I had tears any everythiing - Thank you vix!

I know I should be sympathetic that you have to endure such craziness, but by gosh, she's hilarious!
I do worry for your baby though... Grandma's cuckoo!

Apologies, I only saw the first page... didn't mean to come across as insensitive. She does need help, but she needs to be the one that initiates it, as, and you've probably seen this over the years, it simply won't work until she is ready... No matter how many people support or encourage her.

You've got more important things to focus on, and so has your dp... Poor FIL x

I hope and pray I do not end up like this when i'm 60.

I think she needs to be looked at by a doctor. Failing that, I think you should move far, far away.

Like AngelFairy I posted before noticing the second page and hadn't read your more detailed follow up - I didn't mean to be flippant, it sounds like a really difficult situation!

Personally i would keep well away and FIL needs to initiate somekind of help for her.

Hha, no dont worry, i agree it is funny how she acts, i think they dont take it so seriously because she still manages to otherwise act relatively normal - still holds down a job, still has friends etc, although shes starting to stay in a lot more than she used to. she will not go to the doctors, even if fil dragged her there. I just see her and never want to become anything like her. she is suffering from empty nest syndrome, weve tried to encourage her with new hobbies but all she wants to do when she visits is clean (dont know whether this should be an insult or it relaxes her in a way).

so instead i just keep up with the funny stories for my own mums entertainment. today, as she is planning a party for fils birthday this week she was organising the food and drink, she normally cant organise her own boobs in her bra yet when the drink became involved she turned into rainman, so weird to watch. Ive also managed to change her number in our house phone to richard and im so excited for the time when dp asks me whats happened to his mums number

she normally cant organise her own boobs in her bra yet when the drink became involved she turned into rainman

OK I know that this is potentially a serious situation but I love the way you write about it! And as it seems unlikely that she's going to change anytime soon I admire you for dealing with it with a sense of humour.

I still think that she shouldn't be anywhere near your LO unsupervised (family politics or no), but you also sound pretty sensible and as soon as those mummy hormones kick in I doubt you'll be letting that happen anyway!

Oh dear, you have my utmost sympathies! Our MILs sound similar although I will grant you yours sounds so much worse. Mine also has an alcohol issue and can get quite emotionally abusive when drunk. She also has a middle name she wants us to call our DC if it's a girl, though had enough sense to ask this rather than demand. She's also told us how often she's decided the DC will be staying over hers...

God help us who have MILs who think they run things. And here's to the inevitable uphill struggle of trying to set and keep clear boundaries

Oh dear, like others I also only just read the first few posts before responding. Having read the whole lot I am feeling somewhat sorry for your MIL and can see what a difficult situation you're in. My OH and his siblings have also spoken numerous times of trying to help MIL over her drink issues (not only can she be abusive when drunk but she's also been suicidal in the past, has made many attempts and has even taken an OD which led to a cardiac arrest and very nearly killed her, so it's quite serious).
It's very easy for others to say how you 'should' or 'shouldn't' do things, but it's very difficult when you're coming at it from the position of the "outsider". I also don't have a brilliant relationship with the MIL. When you are viewed as the outsider it's almost as though you're viewed with suspicion and can't be trusted, I know that were there any family interventions it would be very important - were I there - to sit still and shut up, because anything I said wouldn't be taken kindly or listened to. You're put into a position where in effect there's very little you can actually do except try to be there to support your OH and the rest of the family. It's not easy. Good luck!