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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Gender and thoughtless comments.

45 replies

Bubblebell1 · 23/04/2012 15:04

Just wondered if any of you have experienced this.

I'm expecting dc3. I have to gorgeous boys already. After ttc for ages and lots of health problems I am not bothered what gender my baby is I'm just glad I'm finally pg.

What I'm finding is everyone and their friend seems to think I want a girl and go as far as to say. O I bet you would be disappointed.
I'm starting to feel very protective of baby especially if a boy and thinking that everyone else would prefer a girl.

Maybe pregnancy hormones. But other than sod off and min your business I don't know what else to tell them.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

javotte · 23/04/2012 17:06

I'm expecting DC3 and most people assume it was an accident because we already have a boy and a girl. As others have said, you can't win.

zinaida · 23/04/2012 17:19

I got this from my dad when I announced my pregnancy, and it really upset me. It's my first, and I told him after the 12-week scan, and one of the first things he said was 'I hope it's a girl! Boys are hard work!'. Bear in mind his small grandsons were spending Christmas with him and may have been in the room at the time!

I hated that, because I immediately felt like he wouldn't love my child if he turned out male (which, according to the sonographer, he is) and even though my dad has since said not to be silly, of course he'll love him, it's still something I worry about.

Regarding not being told - we told everyone the sex of the baby when we found out - we really didn't mind either way, but it's exciting once you know, isn't it? - and my father in law was considering askign us not to tell him - even though everyone else would know, it would be pretty difficult keeping the secret just from him for 20 weeks!

Moominsummermadness · 23/04/2012 17:23

I have 3 beautiful girls, and am 18 weeks pregnant with DC4. I am so sick and tired of people assuming that we have only decided to have another child in the hope that we will have a boy- this is not the case at all. We just want one last child, whether it is a boy or girl we really don't care. Infact, in a way, having another girl would be easier financially as we have a loft full of girls clothes! We had a devastating MMC last year, and can honestly say that all we want is for this baby to be healthy.

AThingInYourLife · 23/04/2012 19:21

"Haha muddy don't tell her when baby arrives either."

Genius! :o

vanimal · 26/04/2012 21:46

Bluebell, how did your scan go, did you find out the sex of your baby?

I am in the same boat, I have 2 DDs and expecting DC3. Cue lots of comments about me wanting a boy

Original poster

Bubblebell1 · 26/04/2012 21:48

Hi vanimal
I had my scan on Tuesday and apparently dc3 is a girl !!! Happy and shocked. Still can't believe it.
Will you find out at your scan?

OP posts:

MockCroc · 26/04/2012 23:11

We're expecting our first. A girl. 3 people have either asked DH whether he "minds" or commiserated with him. Some strange assumption that MEN must want SONS I guess. DH didn't really care, although quite liked the idea of a daddy's girl so he always looks at them with a wonderfully perplexed expression.

Alligatorpie · 27/04/2012 07:04

We didn't ( well our six year old dd) didn't want to find out, so we didn't at the 20 week scan. But I am in country where you get scanned every month of so and so it was inevitable that we would find out. even at the 20 week scan, the dr whispered, "it is probably a ..."
I have told a few people that we know but are not telling anyone, and everyone has asked if it is a boy? people that don't know that we know have said I bet you want a boy. I find that strange, no one asks if we want another girl! I usually say "Dh and I don't care, but dd would love a sister" that usually shuts them up.
Some of the fun of being pg and suddenly becoming public property!

exoticfruits · 27/04/2012 07:16

People comment whatever-just smile, ignore and change the subject.

RetroMum1 · 27/04/2012 08:47

I completely understand what you mean, I am pregnant with DC3 after DC1 being a girl, DC2 being a boy so I have one of each so it really doesn't matter and wouldn't anyway however! DD said she wants it to be a girl, completely understandable she has a little brother and she's 4 so don't all little girls ask for a sister! My DH said it would be nice if it was a girl, I don't think he really minds but just vocalised a preference which I took as pressure. My mother is awful, when we found out DC2 was a boy she actually said that's a shame! Her preference for our daughter is disgusting and we fall out all the time over it.

SO we went 2 weeks ago do a gender scan and DC3 is a BOY! We took our daughter with us but not our son as he is too little to understand, you could see her disappointment but she was actually really good and said she would still like to rock it to sleep even though it's a boy.

However when I got in the car I cried! I felt such pressure for it to be a girl and I felt guilty and bad for my unborn son that everybody wanted a girl. I know my DS will be thrilled but he's to young to really understand. My DH said he was thrilled and I think he probably was but I just felt this sense of guilt for my son. Now my mother really has a reason to favour our DD.

I don't think you can ever win, people vocalise their opinions without thinking.

theressomethingaboutmarie · 27/04/2012 08:58

We have a DD (aged 4) and I'm 22 weeks with DS1. Prior to us knowing the sex, FIL said to me, 'it had better be a boy this time'. . I told him in no uncertain terms that we would be thrilled with either gender and btw, it's his son who decides the sex by virtue of basic biology so he should say the same bloody thing to him if he's so inclined. Silly man!

AGunInMyPetticoat · 27/04/2012 09:01

Completely understand.

When I was pregnant with what would have been our first earlier this year (pg ended in a miscarriage) ILs went completely bonkers over the idea of me having a son to continue their family line etc. Nobody ever mentioned the idea of us having a daughter - but from the way they spoke about the possibility of a boy, it was clear that they would be disappointed.

DH's aunt went so far as to explain to me that out of her four DC, her only son (DC3) was by far her favourite and that I'd feel the same if I had boys as well as girls. I felt completely on behalf of her brilliant daughters.

While I will love any child of mine the same, there's a part of me that wants daughters simply because I have no wish to make my offspring some kind of a trophy for ILs.

Original poster

Bubblebell1 · 27/04/2012 11:15

I understand completely retro this girl is the first granddaughter on both sides and my dmil lost her mum the day I got my Bfp.
She was desperate for it to be a girl as do said he would name her after his nan.

Now ive been told it is a girl I'm paranoid if they have got it wrong everyone will be extra disappointed that it's a lil boy.

OP posts:

MadameChinLegs · 27/04/2012 11:27

It drove me mad how much family members invested in the gender of my baby when i was pg.

We didnt find out as gender was irrelevant to us. We painted the nursery grey (looks stunning) and bought robot vests (cute) dungarees (necessarily hardwearing) and multicoloured onezies. SIL actually huffed with us as she thought we'd found out the gender and just werent telling anyone as we'd "prepared for a boy" ....erm...no these things are unisex.

We had a girl.

Onlymydogunderstandsme · 27/04/2012 12:28

I really don't understand why people thinks it's ok to say things about the sex of a baby! I am 34 weeks with DC1, me and my DH have said all the way through we don't mind what sex the baby is, MIL always seems to get this look on her face as if to say "yeah right"! She announced that this baby was a boy the day we told her I was pregnant at 9 weeks!! She has a boy and a girl herself and it's perfectly clear to me that she prefers her 'darling boy' (and really needs to cut the apron strings but that's a whole other topic!). When I said the other day that DH had actually said if he had a slight preference it would be for a girl she actually exclaimed "Really?are you sure?" and seemed not to believe me!!! I find it incredible and it's actually got to the point that if baby is a girl I think she will feel I have somehow let her son down!! I couldm't really give a toss what she thinks and I know DH will jsut be happy that baby and I are healty but it is really starting to bug me! In fact part of me is hoping for a girl just so I can say she waswrong and didn't get it right!!!

AGunInMyPetticoat · 27/04/2012 19:42

I find it incredible and it's actually got to the point that if baby is a girl I think she will feel I have somehow let her son down!

Ahem, ... I hope she's aware that thanks to the nature of human reproduction the 'culprit' in that case would have to be her 'darling boy'. Not that my MIL would react ay differently (see above).

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 27/04/2012 21:36

I am only 13 weeks pg with dc3, you maybe able to tell from my name that I have 2 boys already.

Everyone has said I need a girl.

I don't. I need a healthy baby please!

What's wrong with three boys??

thedogwalker · 27/04/2012 21:41

I have DS1 (20 months old) and I am 33+4 with DS2. When I had my 20 wk scan and the health of my DC was confimred and then the gender was also confirmed as being DS, I was just so happy that DC was healthy.
Later that day, I phoned my DM and told her, that my LO was healthy and I told her that I was having a boy. My DM said "Oh never mind it can't be helped." When I said that I wasn't understanding her comment and had she misheard me, the LO was healthy. She just said, "But you must have wanted a girl."
I changed the subject before getting really angry with her. So I don't think I'll have DC3, as the comments would be unbearable.
I think that I am so lucky to have been able to conceive 2 DSs with no complications and both DSs are healthy, that makes me a happy mummy.

FutureNannyOgg · 28/04/2012 08:42

It's not just if you have 2, I have had this with just DS. I would love a girl at some point, but DS is brilliant and I am sure that DS2 will also be absolutely brilliant too. I'm certainly not going to value the idea of a girl over the reality of a lovely healthy boy.
I have to say it was a huge surprise that this one is a boy, everyone was convinced he was a girl, but I was never disappointed that he was a boy, just a little sad letting go of the idea of the girl, it was a separate issue IYKWIM
In both pregnancies when people have asked what I "hoped for" I have told them kittens would be lovely.

AhsokaTano · 28/04/2012 09:37

It's the same here, I have 2 boys and am utterly bored of people either wanting me to have a girl or assuming I desperately want a girl myself. I don't care what it is at all as it will inevitably end up wearing the boys cast-offs and playing with their toys anyway.

We didn't find out at the 20 week scan as it's just not significant to us but the pressure of expectation is huge and I hate the fact that people will think I'm disappointed with my newborn if it turns out to be a boy.

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