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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

aghhh - why does pregnancy make you fair game to say anything to.

26 replies

Plunkett · 21/04/2012 16:55

Only just started telling people last week we're expecting but so far had following :-

ooo your big, are you sure it's not twins?
ooo you've lost weight are you sure you're looking after yourself?
oh I take it it wasn't planned with that age gap? and I liked having mine close together it's selfish having a gap. (6 years!)
I wondered why you looked so rough!

Aggghhhhhhh - wonder how many more there'll be in the next 6 months.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

GinSlinger · 21/04/2012 16:58

wait till you've actually had the baby and then you'll be running for cover

congratulations

justlemonade · 21/04/2012 17:00

I'd suggest kicking these commenters in the shins, poking them in the eyes or pulling their hair in response. Shut the MIL up for me anyway.

Original poster

Plunkett · 21/04/2012 17:05

lol i am surprised that they are daring to test me while so hormonal. I might try your suggestion justlemonade.

Just amazes me people wouldn't make such personal comments in any other circumstance.

OP posts:

WantAnOrange · 21/04/2012 17:09

"Was it Planned?" is my personal favourite....

javotte · 21/04/2012 17:18

I'm married with 2 children already. The first thing my GP asked was "Was it planned?"
This was an improvement on my previous GP who, when I told her I was pregnant (I was 24 and engaged) asked me "Oh, so it's for an abortion."

WantAnOrange · 21/04/2012 17:30

[shocked] javotte

I kind of expected it when I was pregnant with DS (I was 17) but this time round I am 23 and married.

bonzo77 · 21/04/2012 17:33

Because once you are pregnant you are just a vessel and your body is public property. I'd use that MN favourite " that sounded rude. Did you mean to be?".

ItsMyLastOne · 21/04/2012 17:35

I had the exact same with a gp 2 years ago javotte. I was 23 and engaged (dp was with me)and no it wasn't planned because I'd been told I couldn't conceive naturally. Why would I be throwing away that chance of having a child?! He almost seemed disappointed I was keeping the baby.

When we told FIL he put his hands to his mouth and said "oh no, what are you going to do?" DP hasn't forgotten that.

This time when we told some immediate family when I was 5+ weeks several of them said they could tell I was pregnant because I'd put on weight. I had actually put on a couple of pounds but that wasn't from the 5 week foetus inside me and didn't need pointing out!

PickleSarnie · 21/04/2012 18:15

The first thing my MIL said when DH told her was "are you mad?" It's our 2nd, not our 22nd ffs.

Then when we next saw her she said, with a really concerned look on her face, "so how did your dad take the news?" Well, considering I'm not 16 and I've not just got knocked up by the local layabout and I am in fact 36 and happily married to her son, my dad was quite happy. Excited in fact. Like everyone else we told other than her.

babygsmummy · 21/04/2012 19:14

I think some people generally arn't happy people and dont know how to be happy.My boss was like that,the size of your boobs,you'r huge I was upset when I told her,I actully cried at my risk assessment.

Today I had the worse thing happen to me,I was in Liverpool tp see the sea oddessy and about 10 people touched,I did say to one woman do you mind removeing your hand and she said its just so lovely and I said well its still my body so please dont touch me,I was cranky and so tired and do feel guilty for being rude to her.My sister also pimped my bump out to get up the queue to go the toilet faster,oh the shame.

littlemissnormal · 21/04/2012 20:11

FairPlay babygsmummy, wish I had the confidence to say that to all the randomers who rub my belly!!

Kveta · 21/04/2012 20:16

my dad said 'that's your life ruined then' and mum said 'do you know who the father is?' when I announced that my (then) boyfriend and I were expecting a baby.

We then had a couple of years of 'when is the next one planned then?'

Now boyfriend is DH, and we are expecting DC2 and have had a lot of 'ooh, that's a small age gap, you'll never cope'. From my mum (who has 2, 3, and 2 year age gaps between her 4 kids) and my grandmother (who had a 2.5 year age gap between her 2). DS will be 2.8 when DC2 arrives...

oh, and the pharmacist who sold me the pg test said 'don't worry, you're white, you'll have no trouble finding someone to adopt it'. I was for some hours after that. I was in the Deep South of the USA at the time, and clearly unwed, but even so...

newtonupontheheath · 21/04/2012 20:31

Someone I work with (not closely...for example, I've no idea of anything about him outside of work) asked me "haven't you got a telly?!" I hadn't even told him I was pregnant and my flab bump could easily be mistaken for a big lunch! (am only 17 weeks)

vix1980 · 22/04/2012 07:35

I had my oh's aunt on friday talking to me but staring at my belly, her daughter is due the week after me, after a while she points at my belly and says wow your getting a massive belly arent you, our xxx isnt that big. what i wanted to say is, well yes actually as im 8 months pregnant and do have a baby in there i will get bigger, and as your xxx is practically anorexic looking and i started as a 12/14 we wouldnt be the same size, we wernt to start with so why would we now. but i didnt i kept quiet and had a moan to oh in the car.

also has mil telling me i now look pregnant in the face, whatever that means

missingmymarbles · 22/04/2012 08:35

Most comments don't bother me; for the most part, people are just being interested/making conversation/ trying to share your experience, and using their experience / what they think they understand about pregnancy to do it. Some people are rude, but most aren't.

However,
oh I take it it wasn't planned with that age gap? and I liked having mine close together it's selfish having a gap. (6 years!)
is just plain rude, and when people say a similar thing to me (our gap will be 7 years), they get a long explanation of how difficult it has been to conceive and stay pregnant, and how many pregnancies I have lost - that shuts them up
Also, comments about timing / previous number of children / planning are out of order (with the exception of HCP's, provided they don't have an agenda, as they are trying to guage reaction to pregnancy and whether there is a health implication to it).

missingmymarbles · 22/04/2012 08:39

Ok, I have now read a bit more of the thread.

No-one has ever said anything that rude to me - at some of those comments!
Clearly a sheltered life

kateand2boys · 22/04/2012 08:49

I'm fully expecting rude comments when I tell people, as our boys will be 9 and 7 when the new baby is born. I anticipate
'Is DH your 2nd husband?' (no);
'Was it planned?' (yes);
'Are you mad?' (possibly)

My general response is 'That's great. Are you pleased?' That way people can respond however they choose and share as much or as little information as they choose and hopefully I haven't offended them.

As for bump grabbing, if you feel brave enough, grab them back I'm not a fan of personal space invasion

CrustyOnion · 22/04/2012 09:10

I had a total stranger poke my 8 months pregnant bump and say "that'll be the cream cakes".
I responded with "sperm actually" and totally dumbfounded the rude fucker him. He was rooted to the spot, mouth agape as I waddled off.

Boys2mam · 22/04/2012 10:04

The local shopkeeper asked me if current bump was my third child (he sees us more or less daily so a reasonable guess having seen DS1 & 2) and went on to ask if all 3 DC's had the same father

PeahenTailFeathers · 22/04/2012 11:06

at CrustyOnion
I'm nearly 37 weeks with my first and a woman where I work (in a separate department, thankfully) has twice asked me if I know who the father is - yes, I do, thanks. She's also gossiped about me because apparently my due date doesn't correspond with when she thinks I should be having the baby . I feel a little bit sorry for her because I've been told she'd love to have children but seems to have never had the opportunity but I'd love to tell her to f*k off to the far side of f*k.

WantAnOrange · 22/04/2012 12:45

Oh I've had someone assume DH isn't DS's father because I was a teen parent and apparently teen couples who have children don't go on to get married. They break up.

igggi · 22/04/2012 13:06

Am wondering now why no-one has ever touched either of my bumps? Feeling left out now!
I do think "was it planned" is perfectly acceptable for a gp to ask, though I suppose "are you happy about it?" achieves the same purpose. No-one else should be asking though!

missingmymarbles · 22/04/2012 13:23

Some of these are terrible, albeit funny !
Maybe people think I am scary which is why they don't make rude comments or touch my my bump, which is somewhat ironic, as I would never have the balls to ask someone if their children had the same father!

Although, there is time yet for me to be questioned in such a way, and evidence of this thread suggests, people will assume my DC's have a different dad with such a big age gap

Chunkychicken · 22/04/2012 14:34

Agree with the GP comment being about the health implications - folic acid taking and so on, and am eternally grateful nobody touched my bump first time around!!!

Kveta that's fascinating stuff about the gap though. I've become slightly concerned that the prospective gap between my DD & DC#2 was HUGE compared to loads of peers & people on here, when DD will be 2 days off 2.7 if baby arrives on the due date. However, I couldn't have done it any earlier & well, you get what you're given don't you??!!

Only 10wks so waiting for it to be public knowledge before I get any of these rude comments, so wanted to get some hints & tips on how to deal iyswim!!!

Midgetm · 22/04/2012 14:57

Some of those are so rude. I am expecting the gap thing, and I will answer honestly and say how many pregnancies I have lost. I never can understand why people get upset about people noticing weight gain. It's inevitable and obvious, even when it's the first trimester bloat. Pregnancy makes you huge, fact. And I am offended by people's breathing I am that hormonal. I was also at sea odessey and no cheeky bugger touched my bump but I look more fat than pregnant currently. I am now offended by nobody wanting to touch me, although had they I probably would have hated it....

I also would t be offended by was it planned, don't get why that is rude. I would be offended by questioning parentage. I think a lot of people are just showing interest and don't mean any harm. However I am so irrational right now tomorrow all this things may seem like the rudest things from rudesville, because that's the way my hormones roll right now.

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