Ante-natal

[honeybe4usleep]

Hi,
Can you advise me whether or not I can cancel the rest of my ante-natal appointments?
I am 36 weeks and booked in for a home birth.
Each time I attend for a visit I do feel bullied. They make me feel rebellious and uncaring towards my baby's health.
I am told I have a choice, but when I make a choice I am told repeatedly that my choice is against medical advice.
I declined a scan at 22 weeks and now every week I attend I am bullied into having a scan, which I have to decline at every visit.
I am now being told that there are not enough midwives and I may have to go to hospital if there are no midwives on duty.
I have also seen a copy of a letter a consultant wrote to the midwives (after I agreed to see a consultant from midwife bullying.) The content of which is lies about me, stating things that I never said during my visit with him quote "This woman is adamant to birth at home". I never said that.
Do I have to visit the clinic? Can I just stay home and go without weight, wee, blood pressure checks?
Each time I go they want more from me. I have been booked in for a GTT, which I originally declined, but have given in to pressure from them to have one done. The midwife who booked the GTT for me said and I quote "you've had such big turkeys you need this test" Turkeys?!! I could have cried, my precious babies reduced to that.
Can I just birth this baby in peace at home with my husband present?
I get so stressed before each ante-natal, I dread attending them.
None of the midwives I've met are supporting me at all.
I'd rather not have them in my home when I'm in labour.
For fear of them finding out I'm not telling you my local health authority area.
Please keep this confidential.
I just wondered what my rights were with ante-natal. If I had the money I'd book an independent midwife.
As it is I'm willing to go it alone with my husband, this will be a challenge for me as I have always used gas and air. So to not have them present means I go without pain relief, right now it seems worth it.
Do you know if I can buy entenox online?
Thanks so much for your help and advice.
Honey.

Honey please don't try to birth alone at least have a midwife in the house who knows what they are doing. You are not trying to do this for just yourself but also your baby. I promise you that if something goes terribly wrong and your baby dies or has brain damage (and it does happen sadly) you will never forgive yourself for not at least having a professional on on hand and neither will your husband.

I don't think the law stops YOU having an unattended birth but it may leave your husband open to prosecution if something goes wrong look here for more information

Even if you get the midwife to sit in another room while you labuor at least they'll be close in case of emergencies or panic.

I don't think all the tests are compulsory but they are done so that if there is a problem it can be picked up on and dealt with which could save worse problems later.

I do understand how impersonal the system feels at times and I've had my fair share of rants but it is geared towards getting babies out safely and that's why I tolerate it

Really feel for you. I think one of the main reasons why they want you to have a scan and the GTT is to try to ascertain the size of the baby. I want a home birth and when I was discussing possible problems the MW told me that they take every precaution with home births to ensure the safety of the baby and the mother. If your baby is too big, you may need to be transferred to hospital to have a forceps / C-section. Shoulder dystocia can be very serious. I think they have not communicated with you properly and made you feel not listened to, but I think they do have your and your baby's safety at the forefront of their minds.

If you let them do the scan, take the GTT test and the results are good, then you may find that their attitude changes to being more supportive of your wishes. At the moment, they are a bit 'blind' due to lack of information.

Please don't try and birth on your own - delivering the placenta is tricky and could be fatal for you - what if your baby needs resuscitating or immediate medical help - you will get that much quicker if a midwife is there with you.

I hope everything works out well for you and that you get the birth you want.

Also the blood pressure checks and urine tests are to detect pre-eclampsia - it is very important that this does not go undetected.

I've sent you a PM OP - just to apologise and explain why my answer above may have seemed overly emotive.

i would get in touch with AIMS who can support you to have your home birth

as has been pointed out the routine antenatal tests are worthwhile. however, if you feel your midwives are not being supportive, you can ask to speak to the supervisor of midwives and discuss your treatment

giving birth alone, without any medical help present is not advisable....

You could consider hiring a doula to support you, although she cannot deliver your baby she can support you at your appointments and help you get better care.. she can be with you when you give birth and ensure you get your homebirht

Oh dear :( sorry you feel unsupported. I don't have any advice as dc1 for me. Just wanted to say I haven't experienced your care, just please consider what is coming across to you as bullying might also be the MWs getting a lil anxious for you and little one and that they're a little in the dark so to speak. Of course you shouldn't feel bullied. Things have become very litigious and they might be feeling like they have to over state risks.

I think overall most are trying their best, at a tough job and sometimes might not communicate in the right way. Pls let them help you so everyone is healthy and safe so maybe consider some of the routine BP and urine tests which aren't too onerous and see how you feel :)

Doula being booked, thanks ladies.

That's really dreadful care tbh. I would put your concerns in writing to the SOM. Explain that your choice (which is your right) is not being supported, that you are nervous of going to your checkups and that you are concerned about having an unsympathetic mw at your HB. Your head of midwifery should have a care plan for you, and if you have "risks" then it would be usual for her to have a list of midwives who volunteered to be on call for you, who were comfortable with your choices (both myself and my current birth client - I am a doula- are in this position for HBAC, it is usual to do the same for twins, breech etc.) You should be able to get appointments with both your SOM and HOM (often both together) to discuss your care. I would advise you have your doula there too.
I would also second contacting AIMS aims.org.uk/ they have a support line you can ring to get advice on how to go about making sure you have the support in place for the birth you want.