What do you do with DC1 when in labour with DC2?

[whenhenshaveteeth]

Ok, this may sounds really stupid but my brain can't compute...

I have a DS who will be 3 in the summer and I'm pregnant with DC2, due in October. We live far away from our parents and we've just moved to a new area so don't really have many friends (hopefully will have more by October!), apart from 2 who are also pregnant at the same time as me.

So I'm just trying to understand the logistics of being in labour while having a toddler. I guess you need to have people on stand by so that you can go to hospital but what about when it starts at home?

Do you immediately send the toddler to the designated person or do you cope on your own (with DH) until it gets to the point of going to hospital? What about if it goes really quickly? I don't want my toddler to be around when I'm mooing/swearing etc, he won't understand why mummy is in pain and will probably think forever that his new sibling is evil...

Should I call my in laws as soon as I think it's starting, bearing in mind they live 4/5 hours drive from us? What if the second labour is really fast and that they don't have time to make it? Should I have people ready in my town and call the in laws for later back up in case it lasts ages??

Really makes me think I need more friends who are not pregnant, just imagine if I send my son to my pregnant friend and that she goes into labour!!

Id have backups in town as some second labours can be really quick. Mone wasnt tho. We were lucky as the ils live en route to hospital so we just let them know and dropped off ds on the way.

I'd have someone on standby nearby and then call the in laws as soon as it seems like it's starting, so they can make their way over.

Oh and i got to hospital fully dilated as we got caught in a traffic jam and my daughter was born in 30 mins - so yes some can be very quick!!

It's a judgement call and here's no easy answer. DS ended up being away from me for 2 nights when he could ahve just done one :(
I wouldn't worry too much about the noise etc - lots of people have home births with their toddlers in the house.
I think your idea about having someone as a backup who can look after your DS for a few hours until your ILs arrive. Also give your ILs notice that things are happening so they don't go out for the day, before you ask them to come to you. Make sure all the practicalities are done - they know how to get to your friend's house, names and contact nos etc. Ask your ILs if they can have their bag packed too with everything they need so if you call and ask them to come, they can be on the road in 10 mins.

In your case I think I would have someone local on standby if you can. Can anyone come and stay?

We had my mum on standby except during the week of my due date when my best friend came to stay. As it turned out, DS was not overly fussed about coming out so I wound up with an induction date which made things so much easier. We dropped DD off at nursery, dropped her things at my mums and went to hospital. DS was born 4 hours after they broke my waters, so if mum hadn't been around to pick DD up, DH could have left me and DS and gone to get DD.

I was really anxious about how everything would work out when I went into labour, but it all turned out fine. Good luck!

It's a difficult one.
We also live a long distance from family, and I was in the same position of just moving to a new area and not knowing that many people that weren't also pregnant.

My mum arranged to have some time off around my due date, and come to stay with us for a week, and we just hoped that the baby would turn up during that time. I actually started contractions while she was on her way to us - my theory is my body somehow relaxed knowing that she would soon be there to look after the 3 year old.

I managed to cope pretty quietly with the pain until we went to the hospital, with my mum distracting DD in another room with the TV and lots of toys - I also was worried about scaring her by appearing in pain, but I think she didn't even notice anything, she was so excited about Grandma coming to visit.

If I had gone into labour before my mum came, or after she had to go back home again, I would have had to ask one of my pregnant friends to help out and have DD to stay at their house. Which wouldn't have been ideal, but they were all very willing to help if necessary - people understand how difficult it can be!

I was lucky in that I laboured and delivered at night and DD1 slept through the whole thing (home birth). My Mum came down and stayed for a few days around my due date and luckily was there when it all kicked off, so would have been on hand if we'd needed to transfer in to hospital.

FWIW, I did not hold back on the noise front and DD1 - normally a v light sleeper - didn't even stir! I did practise huffing & puffing on all fours with her for a few weeks beforehand as I was worried I may be contracting on my own with her if things were fast & furious an didn't want her to be scared in that situation.

Would you consider a homebirth?

we are planning to have FIL here for a week over my due date, then child minder will be around after that. before that, CM is away for 3 weeks, so we have some friends who may act as back up, but they all have holidays booked over that time, so we may end up with DS in the car as we drive to the hospital, and DH just dropping me off and leaving me to it!

I did have a 3 day labour last time, so not massively concerned about a short one this time!

Kveta My first labour was Mon-Thurs, DD2 was just a few hours from first twinge to all over!!

OP - October is some time away, am sure you'll get to know more people/neighbours etc. Is your DS starting nursery? You may get on well with his keyworker etc?

I am due now and in a similar situation. I have asked DS's favourite nursery worker to be on stand by.

can't hear you Gruff I will be having a textbook 12 hour labour this time, thank you very much, and will have plenty of time to get to the hospital and get drugged up to the armpits before baby emerges :o

We've had this dilemma as the friends who I (and DD) are closest too are either due on pretty much the same day or are on holiday for a week or a fortnight over my due date. The closest relatives are 4 hours away.
We haven't had to deal with it yet as I'm only 37 weeks but my plans are:

• DD is booked into nursery every day (normally only does 3 days a week) for the two weeks from my due date (DD was 15 days late).
• Parents have been told to have a bag packed from the week before my due date so that they can get in the car & drive here as soon as I get the first twinge of labour (DD was induced so no idea what that first twinge will feel like!)
• Two of the neighbours - who are in their 50s and I don't know very well but seem nice enough - have been told of my predicament & that they may get a knock on the door in the middle of the night
• I have the numbers of the various workers at nursery who do babysitting.

The above will be used in various combinations depending on the time of day that I go into labour. I am hoping I go into labour at 3am on a week day so I can do the first few hours at home, we can call my parents at 6.30, drop DD off at nursery at 7.30 and my parents have until 6pm to get to us.

I've also done a sheet which lists DD's vague routine (meal times etc), favourite toys, favourite foods (and where they can be found), things which usually distract her, a simple explanation as to how to get the car seat in the car (figure its better to leave the car seat with whoever looks after her on a temporary basis in case there is an emergency), directions to the local park, instructions how to use the DVD player & what the best bribes are to use with her. It says in bold that I don't care how much Peppa she watches, sticker books she goes through, is put in a nappy (we're almost there with potty training but not quite), snacks she eats etc as long as she's kept as happy as possible in the circumstances.
We've also been having chats about how mummy needs to go into hospital & G'ma & G'pa will be looking after her but A, B or C could be coming to play with her first.

I also have a specific spare set of keys which can be left under a flower pot or something in case someone needs to collect her from nursery, bring her home & get into the house.

Wow! Thank you for all the replies, you've definitely given me food for thought. Some of you (Murtette) are highly organised!

Just had a brainwave: DS will be 3 in the summer, which means he should start pre-school in september, hopefully every morning. So I reckon that if I bribe DH with enough sex , I should be able to convince him that it won't be such a financial drain to have DS in there in the afternoons as well for a couple of weeks...

I'll ask PIL to have a bag ready and make their way down there as soon as it all kicks off.

I can't have a homebirth as I had OC last time, so I'm now classed as "high risk" (charming), although I'm still determined not to be induced.

Looks like I need to go to more playgroups and specifically target non pregnant women as potential friends - only kidding!