Please calm me down

[Aworryingtrend]

A girl at my work has ben transferred to the office I work in and was asking about my pregnancy. She very very sadly lost a baby last year at 4 months but has been telling me today about the miscariage and how she had bleeding in early pregnancy (which i have had) and then lost the baby at 17 weeks.

She was surprised that I am still using the stairs instead of the lift (we work on 2nd floor but they are quite steep) and that I am still wearing high heels as apparently her midwife advised against this.

I am now out of my mind with worry that I will lose my baby.

Please calm me down, IO can't rinf DH as he's interviewing all day and my mum is on holiday.

Hmm...I don't recall seeing any evidence demonstrating a link between heels and miscarriage I was wearing heels up to well beyond 20 weeks and probably still would be (31 weeks) were it not for the onset of SPD.

The stairs thing is nonsense too. If your colleague lived in a 3 story house or a block of apartments with no lift, what would she do?

Her situation is sad but it has no bearing on your pregnancy at all. Stressing over her nonsense will do you more harm than climbing the stairs in heels.

Now stop worrying!

Bleeding in early pregnancy is fairly normal. Last time I checked wearing heels and walking up stairs are not contributing factors to MC. It is sad that she experienced a late loss but neither of the things you describe mean you will loose yours.

I still wear heels, I not only climb the stairs, I also walk, go to the gym and run around playing with my DC and my pregnancy is considered high risk. Women do these things all the time. Really - you have nothing to worry about. later in your pregnancy you may ditch the heels (swollen ankels and heels is not a good look and your balance can be a bit off, and you just cant be arsed).

I would be more worried about the combo of high heels and stairs (ouch) than miscarriage.

I'm 29 weeks and have been taking the stairs at work (2 floors, also relatively steep) and wearing heels all pregnancy. The high heels are now starting to get uncomfortable as my bump grows and changes the way I hold my back I guess, but I've never seen anything to suggest there is a problem wearing heels otherwise. Obviously your colleague wants the best for you, but her advice sounds rather unfounded to me.

I'm 39 weeks, had bleeding from 6-10 weeks, and at 30 weeks and I'm still going strong :) I have climbed MANY stairs, and not taken it easy at all. I have a 3 year old DS, not stopped carrying him round and as for heals, I never wear them anyway but think about celebreties who wear ridiculously high heals throughout.I to this day still do too much, climbed 3 stories worth of stairs on saturday, that was just unbelieveable my legs felt like mush lol.

Try to stop worrying, losing a baby is not nice so its a sad experience for your colleague, but I doubt very much that stairs and heals caused her miscarriage. Please don't worry- that will do more harm. Enjoy your pregnancy.
Xx

Please don't worry, i would be inclined to distance myself from this girl, very sad for her of course but you don't need it. Im sure she has friends to support her and probably better for her not to be obsessing about your pregnancy.

about the high heels, i havent been able to wear them for YEARS

Thank you all. Have taken a few deep breaths and am telling myself that just because it very very sadly happened to her does not mean it will happen to me.

It's sad that she lost her baby, and I'm sure she's just thinking about all the extra precautions that she will take next time to try and avoid it happening again even if it is unlikely that they will have any effect. :(

I'm pretty sure that her wish to avoid stairs and heels is to do with trying to avoid serious falls - even if that's not what caused the loss of her pregnancy last time.

Of course, you don't have to take her advice or worryings to heart. I don't think that stairs or heels are considered to be high risk activities (unlike say horse-riding or sky diving) and you wouldn't be unusual in continuing your regular routine.

Everyone has their own comfort zone when it comes to risk, hers is possibly very bruised and limited at the moment because of her experience of losing her baby. It is up to you where your boundaries are. I doubt you will lose your baby because of climbing stairs or wearing heels. Just be careful if you feel unbalanced or overtired.

Try not to let her anxiety affect you, and remember that what she says is about her own fears and grief not about your choices. Bleeding is very common in pregnancy, many people go on to have happy healthy babies and wearing heels is not likely to change that. Maybe try to steer her away from this topic in future or if she needs to talk about her experience then try to seperate it in your mind from your experience so that you find it less stressful - she's not speaking about pregnancy in general, she's speaking about her experience and what she'd do in future.

It's just like some women are ultra cautious about food during pregnancy, going above and beyond the actual advice of things to not eat. Others follow the guidence exactly (though it changes year to year). Some avoid a couple of the more high-risk foods and others don't change their diet at all. Its just different comfort levels with risk.

Full disclosure: I never wear heels... can't balance in them and find them uncomfortable they make me feel like a man in drag

Oh no. I was in a similar situation when I was around 8 weeks pregnant. A colleague miscarried at exactly the same stage as I was but nobody knew I was pregnant at that point so there was lots of talk about how common miscarriages are and one colleague who loves to bandy around ridiculous statements even went as far as saying 'most first pregnancies end in miscarriage' I was also subject to the ins and outs of how she went to the scan and saw no heartbeat etc. My rational brain knew that just because it had happened to her didn't mean it would happen to me but I was still shaken and drove myself mad with worry. No advice but just wanted to sympathise and tell you not to worry.

Whilst I've got every sympathy for your colleague and am sure her advice was 100% well intentioned I really don't think you have any cause for concern at all. The poor girl has probably gone over and over everything she may have done "wrong" in her own pregnancy when in reality nothing she did or didn't do would have made a difference to the sad outcome.

It's possible I guess she may have complained about something like an achy back/knees/something and was told "Take the lift when you can and don't wear heels", both sensible suggestions if you're having any problems but she may not remember the conversation properly. Bleeding in pregnancy is very common and plenty of women go on to have perfectly healthy babies afterwards.

Without wanting to sound flippant if it was that easy to cause a mc there wouldn't be any need for abortion clinics (sorry I know that sounds a bit brutal but it's something I've told myself over and over after 2 mc when I've been looking for things I may have done to cause them).

I do agree that unfortunately you are probably not the best company for each other at the moment.

I have not yet knowingly lost a child but I can imagine that losing a baby is not easy (understatement of the year).

Realising it wasn't anything she did that made her lose the baby must be just as tough!

Do what you feel comfortable with. I take the stairs when I am not tired and take the lift when I feel lazy shattered. I cycle, run for public transport etc. Just do what you are used to doing and still feel comfortable with.

And I know what sunshinesue says is brutal but it rings true. Babies are fragile precious beings which need to be protected but they also need mum to exercise and move around a little bit!

it sounds like she was advised re: lifts and heels because the mw wanted to lessen her chances of falling or otherwise injuring herself.

i can tell you now that if climbing stairs and wearing heels caused miscarriages, we wouldn't be a 7 billion-strong presence on this planet!

bleeding in early pregnancy is so common as to be considered normal.

your new colleague had a tragedy happen to her and it's natural she'll look for small things she'll do differently next time. but tbh the things she mentioned are little more than superstitions. miscarriage at your gestation usually has to do with a) infection, b) something like an incompetent cervix, or c) an abnormality on the part of the baby.

if you've had a scan, they will have measured your cervix by now, and major abnormalities will have been detected too. and you are probably not going to get an infection.

deep breaths, you'll be alright x

Thank you all, you've made me feel much better. I'm working from home today and tomorrow so thankfully don't have to see my colleague, she didn't mean to upset me I am sure but yes think she understandably still has very strong views about her miscarriage and of course wants to stop anyhting similar happening to someone else.

glad you feel better OP x
i think you've got the right idea about what's going through your colleague's mind.

I guess it's natural that people want to think that they can control & prevent m/c. Truth is that most of the time they can't prevent it. Beyond avoiding obvious hazardous behaviour. it's her hang up, nothing to do with high heels or stairs.

3 DC who were in my tummy when I fell off the bike are currently playing computer games.