Newbie first post....it's the end of the world as I knew it.....

[Rowanhart]

This is my first post having joined today and really hoping this will be a place I can get a bit of support and talk.

I'm either ten or fourteen weeks pregnant (weird last period and no dating scan yet) and finding it a bit tough so far - which is totally not what I was expecting. This is a much wanted and already loved baby, but my close friends all live far away apart from a couple who are still in full blown party mode. So I'm feeling the lack of girlie company my own age!

Also finding it tough that suddenly everyone thinks they have a say over how you should or are feeling/what you eat or drink/what I should way. Apparently I'll feel differently about going back to work (I want to) when the baby is born, I shouldn't even think about having a Friday night glass of sparkly, and the fact I am sticking to underwire bras (just larger ones) sparked a five minute lecture from the Marks and Spencer bra lady about the apparent risks to my milk. (Is this true?!).

Plus I was accosted by a breast feeding lady outside of my booking in appointment who talked to be in a sing song voice about the fact if I didn't breast feed my baby they were less likely to enjoy exotic foods. Now I'm no expert, but as a non breast fed perfectly healthy girl who happens to love trying new grub (mmmm sushi/yam and beef stew), I find that pretty hard to believe...?

I'm so excited to be having this little one. But so far being pregnant feels like the end of my ability to be an autonomous human being. Which is very strange and something I feel unable to talk to the hubby about who is currently beaming like a Cheshire cat everytime the baby is mentioned...

Is there any one out there who feels the same....?

hello rowanhart

I am fairly new myself being 10+4. If you are feeling like the world owns your pregnancy then I think you will like it here. There is a November birth club where people have all sorts of experiences and everyone accepts that there is no one way to do anything.

I have been free of all this thus far but that might be because hardly anyone knows. The way I see it hubby and I made this so all decisions are ours.

Come on here and rant - you will feel better.

Congratulations! - welcome to the world of 'Being in the wrong'! - you'll get lectured til you want to puke, if you're not puking enough already! - basically, one drink is not going to harm your baby. One portion of sushi or pate is not going to harm your baby, neither is trampolining, sunbathing, bumsex or listening to Slayer at 3am.
its your body and your baby and up to you what you do with it and him/her. As my straight-talking (qualified psychotherapist) mum says, "Even crack addicts can have healthy babies"
HTH (hope that helps)!

Congratulations!

Was "wandering" through the pregnancy threads (I've read all the AIBU!) my DD is 8.5 months.

When I first joined MN like you I was just pregnant and something another poster said has really stuck with me, can't remember word for word but something along the lines of the unsolicited advice giving doesn't stop when you have the baby, everyone has an opinion on how you should bring them up!

I now lie depending on what I think the person wants to hear! It's easier!

M&S are notoriously crap at any bra advice. Ignore. As long as your bra fits properly it'll be fine.

BF woman is talking bollocks about the exotic food.

Just get used to everyone having an opinion on everything you do from now on - what you wear, where you choose to give birth, how you choose to wean, your childcare choices...

Tell people as little as possible, and reply to any unsolicited advice with 'I'll bear that in mind, thank you' and a smile (before ignoring 99% of it)

Welcome and Congratulations! :)

Don't panic about BF lady! I remember being completely taken aback when it was discussed with me at 9.5wks during booking app. I was still sure tests were wrong

Am pregnant with 1st and already have had advice flying at me from all directions. I just smile and ignore ATM still getting my head round having a bump!

I haven't heard the bf and exotic food before, that's really quite funny.

Now that you are pregnant, you are officially public property apparently. Everyone has an opinion, you just need to get good at ignoring the ones you don't want to listen too.

Make your own informed decisions and ignore all the crazy in-laws/interfering neighbours/random strangers.

Personally, I had the occasional drink because I couldn't believe that a glass of wine every couple of weeks could do any harm. Some people choose not to drink and that's fine too. You don't need to wear underwire bras so long as you make sure yours are still fitting as your boobs grow. I wore underwires right until my son as born and I breast fed with no problems.

I think what the "breast feeding lady" meant

(was she actually breastfeeding while she was talking to you? Or do you mean a woman who is employed by the nhs to give pregnant women information about breastfeeding? Sorry - the "breast feeding lady" description always amuses me, as this was a job I used to do.. It always sounds like a circus sideshow - roll up roll up and see the magnificent breast feeding lady! This may just be me though.....)

anyway, I imagine what she was talking about was the fact that the taste of breastmilk is variable (unlike formula which always tastes the same) and evidence suggests this means babies get used to a variety of tastes and will therefore be less fussy with food when they are weaned. Was that the only info she offered? It seems like an unusual focus for her chat!

Generally when i had doubts about what people were suggesting was a good or bad idea during pregnancy then a quick google would let me know if there was evidence to support whatever claim they'd made, I could then decide whether to pay attention to what they'd said or disregard it. First time round i did loads of reading, found out what kind of parenting choices made sense to me and that meant I felt more confident dealing with all the unsolicited advice. I'm very information driven though and have an unshakeable belief in books.

Get used to being offered advice from all quarters though, some will be good advice, some will be utterly shite but what you do with it is always going to be up to you. Smiling and saying "I'll bear that in mind" (whilst mentally filing under B for Bollocks) works universally well!

This is my second and I feel much less threatened by the "advisors" than first time round. Really people(me) are just muddling through and doing their best and it works out ok in the end as far as I can see.

Wow, epic. Sorry. Congratulations!

Welcome Rowan and big CONGRATULATIONS!! :)

Don't worry. You will hear unholy levels of shite advice from people, unsolicited or not, and of dubious accuracy. From what I understand from a straight-talking buddy of mine, they won't even have wiped the baby off and you'll have some nosy ninny asking when you're planning on having a second.

I'd be due around the same time as you I think - I'll be 13 weeks on Friday. That means you're probably due Octoberish? If you like come and visit us on the Due in October thread - we're a friendly bunch, lots of first time mums too (like me!). It's really lovely, you can post even (what you think are) your silliest worries and you'll find that most of us have been thinking the same thing!

Even though I knew I was pg the day after my period was due, I'm really struggling to get my head around it all. Ie, THERE IS THIS TINY CREATURE INSIDE ME, WHAT THE FUCK AM I MEANT TO BE DOING.

Really understand too how you feel about being so far away from friends. DH and I are 22,000km away from our nearest and dearest (bar one couple who live round the corner from us). At 27, I'm also one of the very VERY first of my friends to have kids.

You are not alone! :)

Aaah all. Already feeling a bit better.

I have to be honest and say it may be the bucks fizz (more fresh orange than prosecco, I promise Mum) which is easing the pain. But your comments have really helped.

The breast feeding lady did give me other advice too. It was just that bit which stuck in my mind.

I think the smiling and pretending everyone is right trick might be the way forward.

That or maybe becoming dead snappy and blaming it on 'the hormones'.....

Congrats Rowan!!! Haha had to giggle at this thread as its so true - everyone has advice or an opinion. My partner and i did a big shop in Asda on saturday and we bought some prawns and the woman on the checkout shouted over to the next cashier " Moira can you eat prawns when your pregnant?" i just stoof there with my mouth hittin the floor as she turned back to me and said - make sure you cook these properly! She then proceeded to tell me how to make marie rose sauce. They werent even for me but thort i would let her think otherwise.

Then today at work when i bought a bottle of DrPepper the woman on the till asked me if i should be drinking that??

I love all these new medically trained people masquerading as cashiers!! Haha!

Hope you enjoy being pregnant and just nod and smile your way through!!!

Ha ha ha! Shellywelly that story just cracked me up. Well since you've checked with your cashier buddy (who has years of medical training no doubt) I guess I'll rethink those prawns and put em back. Glad your looking out for us cos us pregnant ladies just wouldn't haven't a clue otherwise :)

How rude!!!!

I'm an optimist and think people are often interested and excited and trying to look out for us; unfortunately it often tips over into interfering know it alls. Ah well, take comfort we'll never be like that with our DC :)

Haha so true, had a good giggle at this. I found in prev pregnancys people are soo rude (not many people know about this one) like how perfect strangers seem to think as you have a huge bump they have the right to feel your belly :/ totally get this thread im also wearing underwire bras I didnt have a clue they can affect milk I just find them more comfortable also if they fit correct the wire is under your breast!! Cant see why it would effect milk maybe me being dumb. Lol bit of a rant lol

Yes, RachelWalsh, I think the bf lady exactly meant that, that's why I found it so funny. Different children, different tastes which can be applied to most of pregnancy and childcare, I suppose. I bf my son and he is the fussiest of eaters and I'm completely the opposite and there are many many ff children that love 'exotic' food!!

Exotic is pretty subjective isn't it? What's exotic to me might be everyday to someone else and so on.

There was a recent American study that found evidence to support what she was saying about breastfed babies being less 'fussy' when solids are introduced. It came out this year i think so those who work in that field are probably pretty excited about it still, hence her mentioning it perhaps.

news.illinois.edu/news/12/0308breastfeeding_JuheeKim.html

Having your shopping policed by the person at the checkout is outrageous Shelly! It's one of those situations where I would be so taken aback I wouldn't even manage to object!

Haha it really is something else isn't it! I think its definitely best to take it all with a pinch of salt otherwise you just get stressed out. I have decided that when the next person asks wen i am due i am goin to say - due for what? And pretend not to b pregnant! Its nice that people take an interest but i like to take the piss ;-)

My boob arent big enough to warrant a visit to Bravissimo but they are waxed lyrical on here due to their fabulousness, so they may be better than M&S?

boobs....I have the standard two.

It's so good to hear of others with similar struggles!! I'm 28, 6 weeks, first pregnancy, thousands of miles from my family and friends, first of all of our friends to have a baby. Already the judgment about underwire bras has begun!

Congrats Rowan et al and here's to the Internet for places to rant and people to listen!!!!

I feel your frustration Rowanhart, particularly on the lack of female company. Even my own DP treats me like a host at times! I know he has the babies best interest at heart because he's so excited. But it is frustrated to be considered as a vessel rather than a person.

I've discovered Mumsnet in the past few weeks and really like the 'company' - hope you do to.

Oh, and I'm clearly a bad mother - I had half a glass of champagne with my family to celebrate being pregnant! Since then I have the odd glass every couple of weeks so enjoy!

I didn't really experience these external judgements in my first pregnancy...all mine were self-inflicted! I read everything and stuck exactly to the book (except the under-wired bras as my boobs were huge and would have looked hideous without) I've just found out I'm pregnant again and I'm definitely going to chill a bit this time!!