The "no children" rule at scans

[fatsamsgrandslam]

I am so frustrated, and need to vent!

We have been on holiday for the past two weeks, and I am 21 weeks today. We've had to holiday booked since before I fell pg, so we informed the ultrasound department at our 12 wk scan the dates we would be unavailable for our 20 wk scan. I still hadn't had the date through before we went on holiday, so my MW called the hospital to see if they had arranged it at that point - they hadn't.

So when we got back from holiday this weekend, the letter was there and we have the scan tomorrow at 7.55am. Which is great - but I have no childcare for my (nearly) 3 year old son. His nursery doesn't open until 8 (which is 10 mins drive away from the hospital), my Mum is on holiday, all my friends are working.

The letter from the hospital clearly states "we are unable to accommodate children". I rang the department today to explain the problem and they say that my DH can look after my DS in the waiting room, but neither of them can come in to the scan with me.

There isn't another available date for a scan until next week, and I am reluctant to put the scan off any later in case anything is really wrong with the baby etc.

I can understand why they want to avoid having to accommodate loads of children, but why can't the staff use their discretion to judge in certain circumstances. I'm gutted for my DH that he won't be able to get a quick glimpse of the baby.

Does anyone know why they do this blanket ban? If there is a good reason, which I haven't thought of, I think I'd feel much better. I don't think every hospital has this rule.

Ds1 came to my scan.

Perhaps they have had problems in the past with too many kids, or have hardly any room?

Your dh will have to make do with a photo, I guess? It's a bit disappointing, but it is a screening procedure and the fun bit is merely an extra DOn't mean that to sound huffy/harsh though! Hope it all goes well!

Sadly they get a lot of crap families in whose children are total horrors and trying to do a scan which requires concentration and accuracy to spot any anomalies is not conducive with a 'livewire' pinging round.

Of course they have to have the same rules for everyone, use of discretion is leaving them open to arguments. Picture shitbag family spotting Mr+Mrs Perfect leaving the scan room with a child when they've been told no and imagine the scene.

And as much as it is a big moment for the parents, the main reason you are there is for medical ones.

It's frustrating when you know your child would sit quietly but its the way it is. So far as I know all hospitals are the same.

I am sure that I read somewhere that it was because, if, for any reason they need to have a difficult conversation with you about what they see at the scan (I am sure all will be fine - but imagine if they had to tell you the worst?) that it is possibly not an appropriate time to have a child with you, as they pick up on these things.

I know it's frustrating, but I'm sure they do have your best interests at heart.

:-)

Probably because scans are essentially to see how the foetus is growing, whether it has any abnormalities or whether the foetus has been miscarried.

I am not at all insinuating that you could have miscarried, but imagine if you had and you were there on your own with your DC. You would be absolutely devastated. It would be seriously hard to look after your child whilst being told the horrendous news.

I completely understand the nightmare of trying to find childcare, and the only thing I can suggest is ringing his nursery to see if you could possibly drop him off 5/10 minutes early?

Nethunsreject - thanks for your reply! Don't think you're being huffy/harsh at all, and I totally understand about it not being just a fun chance to see the baby. I'm very conscious of it being a critical screening procedure and the sonographer needing to be able to focus etc. I just think that staff should be able to use their discretion in judging when allowances could be made (i.e. when the appointments are so early in the morning etc), particularly as other hospitals are willing to let children in.

I think that is fair enough and surely not a problem if your DH can wait outside with him.

Our hospital used their discretion and allowed 4yo dd in with me (no childcare available, I did try every avenue I could think of). I was fully prepared for dh having to wait outside though. As it was they were very happy for dd to come in (though they say no children officially) and they involved her in the whole thing, let her squirt the gel, showed her bits of the baby etc. The woman even gave her a picture for free of the baby poking out its tongue. We were extremely lucky on the day.

I'm usually very reluctant to suggest such a thing but take your dc along with you and ask again on the day. But accept that it just might not be possible.

I couldn't get a babysitter for ds for my twelve week scan and was reminded several times he is not allowed into my 20 week scan as they are checking for 'things wrong' (their words) and may have to discuss information of a sensitive nature.

Their is normally a creche right beside the antenatal ward but it was closed last time because of a virus so I wouldn't rely on it being open this time.

Our local hospital doesn't have that ban so we did take a 2.7 year old to a 12- week scan only to be told I'd had a MMC. (obviously, different stage, different circs etc). Hideous experience which left us wondering why they let you take children in when grim news is a very real possibility. In hindsight I'd far rather have had the scan alone than spend that time concentrating on showing a not-distraught face and explaining to DS that everything was ok when in fact rye world was falling to bits.....

The world, obvs. Stupid phone auto correct!

Rooble - both ds and dp had to wait outside first at my 12 wk scan. The mw scanned me, made sure everything was ok and then invited them in to see. She said it wasn't fair on the woman if others were there when she was being scanned and something was wrong. Sorry you had to go through that.

I suspect they have a blanket rule because it allows them to be 100% clear what is not allowed. Otherwise they would be faced with people wilfully misunderstanding/assuming the rules do not apply to them/badgering the staff to make an exception etc.

I think there is a strong possibility that, if your DH sits in the waiting room with your DS then after the clinical aspects of the scan are complete the sonographer may call your DH and DS into the room for a quick peek (assuming it won't delay the clinic). But that would be a lovely bonus - not something to bank upon happening.

Think my 12wk scan letter also said no children there. I think all the other posts have given good reasons, so nothing else to add really, just it does seem to be quite common.

Good luck

I was allowed to take my daughter (5) in, they had booked the 20wk scan in the school holidays. If something had gone wrong, I would have got my partner to take her out of the scan... whether she is there or not, its going to horrible news!

My daughter was beautifully behaved and found the whole process quite interesting lol.
I'd personally leave it and do it a week later, unless I had concerns. Then I would be far less stressed sorting out the childcare! The unit doesn't even open until 9am here as it is!

Thanks for all your replies! I am starting to see sense now, I posted as soon as I had come off the phone so needed to rant, and all your replies make perfect sense of course. I needed to hear that most hospitals have the same rule, and that it wasn't just my local one being difficult! So thank you!

Rooble - so sorry for your MMC. My best friend had exactly the same situation, and I wouldn't chose to have DS there for that reason. Equally, this is the reason why I didn't want to be on my own - in case we do have bad news tomorrow, but I can see that being on your own is preferable than having bad news in front of your child.

I had just hoped that the lady I spoke to on the phone would say - as long as everything is okay with the baby, your DH and DS could come in for a few minutes at the end, but she was so blunt and unwielding.

I can see that I am being unreasonable to be frustrated - as other posters have said they need to have blanket bans to make the situation clear.

Anyway, my lovely 88 year old Nana has now offered to have my DS for a couple of hours for me (I hadn't dreamt of asking her as she's not long had surgery), so DH and I can now go in together.

We just took my DD (18 months) in with us and then said is it ok if she stays? she was sat good as gold on DH's knee for all of the ten mins it took.

The letter clearly said no kids under 5 allowed as they are unlikely to be still and quiet.

She is coming to my 20 week scan on wed too :) and if shes noisy I'll understand and not expect her to stay. Its an awful shame for the hubby to not see though, so she best be good!

We are allowed children at scans at our hospital but they put in the letter if the child is dispruptive u may b asked to leave and book another scan for when you have childcare arrangements. So I think it's more disruptiveness which is totally unfair to judge every one ! They shud give u a chance!

My DD has gone to bed looking very poorly tonight. I'm hoping she makes a dramatic recovery or else our childcare disappears and DH won't be able to come in to our 20wk tomorrow.
:-(

We have a huge childs play area at our hospital and they r aloud to sit in with the scan. Can understand why some hospitals dont allow children tho.

We had the same problem, solution was that I went in for the scan, but then dd and dh were allowed in for a look once the sonographer had done all of her checks in peace. But I sympathise, what on earth can you do if you were on your own, but then again, you want them to do their checks properly, tough one.

How did the scan go fatsam? Did your dh get to have a peek?

we took dd (2 1/2) to our 12 and 20 week scans but I'd had a private scan at 9 weeks (without her there) so knew 12 week scan was unlikely to show MMC. The advice from our hospital is that they don't recommend bringing children but it's up to yuo but you may only bring one child. DD was an angel and the sonographer was amazing about showing her the pictures and expaining she was having a baby sister.

All good, thank you. My elderly nana watched our DS for us. She is fully compus mentus, just not as spritely as she used to be (she's 88 and not long had a knee replacement). I didn't even ask her but she insisted that she would be fine - i really had no other option other than going on my own. We set them up in her sitting room with books, CBeebies, crayons and a potty! Dropped him off at 7.30 and were back for 9am, they had a great time. Everything was good with the baby. I had been quite anxious that something might be wrong for various reasons, so was so relieved DH could come too.

I can fully understand why having children there is less than ideal, and it is a serious screening procedure. I was just frustrated that they couldn't make an allowance considering the lack of notice of the appointment, the time of the appointment (7.55am), and the fact the next available appointment wouldn't have been until
I was nearly 23 weeks.

But hey ho! We worked it out in the end!

At my 20 week scan, they told me my baby had just died. It is apparently very, very unusual (not at all trying to suggest there might be something wrong) but from the hospitals pov they wouldn't know which the rare exception would be until it was too late, and no-one would want a child in the room for that conversation. I'm sorry your DH won't get a peak at your baby, but can see why the hospital have to be very cut and dried about it to and aren't able to use their discretion.

sorry x post, so glad it went well